Brennan's Cook Book of Terribly---Good Food!

Yes, yes, it's time for another episode of--hey wait, where are you going? No, come back! I swear this recipe isn't mine!




That's better.



Yes, I came home for Christmas, and my mother, beautiful cook that she is, taught me how to make 2-hour buns. These are pretty killer buns. Not the family secret or anything, (we keep that locked away with a crazy uncle of mine in the basement somewhere, but I digress.) but they are very good. So, here is the recipe for 2-hour buns!



The "Mom makes everything better" 2-hour bun recipe


Ingredients #1:



3c warm water
1/2c of sugar
6 Tbsp oil
1 tsp salt
2 Tbsp fast rising yeast
1 tsp vinegar

Ingredients #2:


9 cups of flour (Oh man, yes indeed, that's a lot)
2 eggs

Some oil and water on the side for later.

1. Combine ingredients and let them stand for 15-20 minutes. My mother, the captain of the whisk, does the job here.

2. Meanwhile, back at the dude ranch...er, meanwhile, you need to sift 9c of flour. You can see how I feel about this. 9 CUPS!!! MAN!!!

3. To sift the flour, you can use anything you like, but we use a sifter that looks something like the Death Star with a green handle.

(I can sort of hear 'Thus Spake Zarusthustra' in the background when I look at this picture.)

Anyways, using a sifter makes a big difference when you make bread-like items, so a good sifter is really handy. You can use a strainer if you don't have a sifter, but be prepared for 9 CUPS WORTH OF GRUELING DEATH. Sorry. Seriously, though, even sifting it was a pain.

4. Now you'll need two eggs, and you'll need to beat them. I COULD make a bad joke, but why beat a dead horse when someone else can do it for you:

I'm so funny.

5. Next you're going to need to put things together. It's not all wet and dry, black and white, there's a little dirty work to be done here! You're going to want to make a little valley for all the wet stuff you have to sit in. Like this:

Now you'll use your hands to slowly build up the dough in this lovely two-part action shot of my Mom being deft with the dough (I feel like that should be dirty for some reason, but I have no idea why):

In the end, you should have a piece of dough that looks like this:

You may have to add more water or flour until you get the soft kind of dough you want. The dough should be QUITE soft, and very pliable. You need to use your wrists to really ply the dough.

6. Next, the dough needs a rest for 30 minutes. Yes, you want to make buns. Yes, you're hungry. Yes, you clearly have too much time and flour on your hands. Regardless, the dough gets tired. So you need to put it in a lightly oiled bowl, and cover it with a towel and put it to bed for a bit sort of like a kid who's had too much candy and has been running in circles yelling "Wee!" all day.

Wait.

That's me.

Never mind. Just oil the bowl already! *Grumble*

Next, my mom, the genius she is, says that you should turn the oven light on, and leave the dough in the oven, so that it doesn't get too cold, and rises well. Seriously, is this something tasty you're about to eat, or a chicken you're incubating for hatching? I have no idea. I'm just the baking assistant.

7. Next, you're going to get bored waiting. So you're probably going to do what I do, and make faces out of the dough. I DON'T suggest you do this. Your mother may smack your hand with a wooden spoon. While this does have some of the nostalgia, it certainly has all of the pain of childhood, with the added embarassment of adulthood.

Even if it's a cute snowman face.

8. Now that the dough has been formed and rested, you need to punch the dough, and basically pretend like you're the Russian guy and the dough is Rocky. It just takes the beats. Thankfully there's not a lot of propoganda associated with your buns, unlike Rocky IV. Anyways, you need to punch it for about a minute or so, and then let it rise again for about 15-20 mins, three times.

9. Once this is done, the 4th rise, you're going to cut the dough into small pieces, and roll them into balls. My mom does this a special way, so I documented it in a three-part action shot. She does this ninja fast, so I'll explain each shot:

-First take a small piece of dough, and gently place it in the fat of your palm

-Next, move your knuckles to the palm of your right hand in an upwards motions, making circles, pressing against your left palm, rotating. Currently, you can hear the sound effects, and they sound like, "BAM! BAM! YOU'RE DONE!"

In the end, you get a near perfect sphere which I have yet to master. Tragic.

10. The oven needs to be heated to 350 degrees F. Put the buns/balls on a tray, like this:

11. Bake them for about 15-20 mins.

And they look like this! Dude, that's a great shot, isn't it? Amazing!

In the end, they should look THIS GOOD. BUT DON'T EAT THEM YET! (I know, I'm terrible, but it's true. They can be even better.)

12. Now lightly brush the tops of them with butter and let them rest for at the bare minumum 15 minutes, and in the end, they will be so tasty, and so professional looking, that you'll want to open your own bakery. Especially because you're so good you know that brushing it with butter makes it so much more tasty.

However, you'll realize just how much time it takes, and you'll think, "Maybe I'll just buy them from the store." But they're good! Trust me! Worth the wait! It makes about 36 buns...I think. I forgot to ask my mom for how many they make, but they're good, dude!

Well, that's it for tonight, I'm going for a run, and then over to Ralph's maybe for supper or a movie or something.

Props to my mom for the recipe. Thanks Mom.