Illness and advice

And that's the truth. I am just sacked for energy. I have a thesis meeting on Thursday, so now I have to go do a second edit, and then I'll send my promoter a copy. Hopefully he reads it, and does not immediately put it through the academic paper shredder, like usual. Sigh.

In other news, I don't have to work today because a student cancelled.

I'm really thinking about staying here next year, and maybe just working teaching english for next year, and taking a year off for myself to kind of regroup before I continue, whatever 'continue' means. I can feel myself pretty on edge lately, and I know I have to really buff up my language skills...so while I COULD do my PhD now, I think I might take some time off. If I don't, I feel like I might have a mental breakdown. Like I did this weekend. (I thank all parties who were there for me this weekend when that happened. I couldn't have made it without you. You know who you are.)

Anyways, I would still like some advice...if I get offered the MPhil, or PhD here, I'm considering turning it down anyways, and waiting a year until I've sort of put everything back in order. There are a lot of things I would like to do which I haven't had a chance to at all. For example:

i) I have been here for almost two years, and I have yet to visit any place that could be considered 'exotic' or even 'touristy.' While I don't pretend to be good at travelling (Re: Every time I've ever travelled) I do think it's valuable here, and I learn a lot by doing it. And besides, I would like to really have a vacation, something I paid for myself, and really go nuts. The closest thing to that was me visiting London for two or three days in the summer.

ii) I need time for myself. While last year was good, several things had happened
a) I had just finished working with a summer camp where I burnt myself out completely, and then left for Europe 9 days later.
b) I had just moved away for the first time for real, and it was my first time away living in a different culture. For those of you who never have, I can't explain exactly how horrible or how badly people can be hit with culture shock, but it's usually extremely bad. I don't care if you visit some place for three months, or 6 months, or whatever, but living, really living somewhere within a culture has a much different effect. And being unable to 'culturally recharge' on a consistent basis makes it only harder, not easier.
c) I moved here completely by myself (with the help of the momster, I can't thank you enough for coming with me to be there for me) and then built everything from scratch. My Belgian buddy ditched me at the naked lady statue in town. Yeah. It took me a year to find pepper here. And I just discovered somewhere that sells cottage cheese. So, it's all me, baby.
d) To be honest, I had all the time in the world, and not enough contacts. I didn't know enough people, and there just wasn't enough time to get to meet people that I really appreciated and genuinely liked. I'm starting to understand what Ralph means...the similar style ex-pats are not always the people you make the best friends with. It's the people who you can relate with, and surprisingly, they're often not from your country when you go abroad. I don't need people to give me Canadian culture, but I do need people who can support me. And, really, when I got here, I didn't know how or where to look for those people. (And I'm not sure I knew who they were when I found them, either. Strange.)

iii) I haven't had time to draw, really draw, since I've started working. Which is really terrible, because I was in the middle of getting much better. Well, relatively speaking. It's just for fun, anyhow. I like it, anyways.

iv) In all honesty, everything I used to enjoy just seems like work. Everything seems like work, and the longer I continue to burn the candle at both ends, the harder it's going to be to go back to normal-land again. I want to be able to enjoy my hobbies, running, reading, drawing, writing stuff on my blog, making indecent conversation on video with Montserrat, etc. These things don't happen anymore. I work, go to class/work on thesis, eat/sleep (Sometimes at the same time, can be dangerous to my health), do laundry, and shower to clean myself. That's about it. Sundays I spend at theatre, then home, talk to family and friends if they have time, and then go to bed at 3am-4am.


So, the more I look at the list, the more I think I'm some kinda basket-case. I don't think I'm living in a very healthy way right now, and there are a lot of things I need time to deliberate on, and I think my experience this year has been that I have limits, and that I can push them for a while, but if I do it forever, I'm going to be a big mess. And get sick. Like now. =)

Anyways, I would really like some advice. What do you think? Should I stay in Belgium? Do you think I should go back to Canada for a while? I am not sure what I am going to do with myself...I personally don't want to leave here, but I am aware that I haven't check all the legalities yet, so I'm not even sure I can without studying here. Or marrying someone European. Eh heh. Anyways, not the point. What do you think? I could really use some thoughts on this.

OK, back to work. Later!

Mistake.

Today I'm totally blaming the fact that I stayed up until seven in the morning on my need for communication on Sundays. If it wasn't for the fact that everyone is so very available on Sundays and not on, say, Saturdays or Fridays or Thursdays, or maybe Wednesdays, but definitely not Tuesdays and certainly not this Monday because I'll be sleepingthen I could talk to people and be happy, or even I could go to class at eleven this morning and be very happy. Because a happy Brennan is a Brennan that says, "I am still cognt!" Coegnt, no, bogtne, no, wait, augh. See, that's what I get. Not cogent. Anyways, I'm totally screwing myself for the week, I am. Oh boy this was stupid. Why did I do this? Stupid having to write papers for every Monday class. Augh. I'm doing it to myself, really. Why am I still here? Why aren't I sleeping?

On the bright side, it's not raining yet today. I'm in a strange mood today. I don't know what to do with myself.

I think I'll go make breakfast.

Patrick's Prize, in several installments

This is going to be Patrick's prize, and if I get time, I'm going to do the full art project that I planned. Unfortunately, that may be after my thesis as opposed to before. So, until then, enjoy your prize, Patrick! This was one I wanted to do for a while. =D

Blogger Q

Does anyone else have the issue with the new Blogger of it ignoring your paragraph breaks when using pictures? I'd appreciate not having to go into the HTML to fix this...if it's fixable. This is really annoying for me. So, hopefully I'll figure it out. Sorry for the messiness until then.

Brennan's...no, wait, Ralph's Cookbook. Sorry.

Yes, again, I have been working on the cooking skills. This time I was doing field research, and, I thought I would share the process with you all, and hopefully you get something really tasty out of this. Ralph and I made dinner one, night, and, actually it turned out to be three dinners, but that's what makes it so great! Love the mess, baby!


Ralph's Triple Threat Meal Deal

1.5 kg (or so) or ground beef (Or, if you're English, 'mince')
2-3 white onions
1 clove of garlic
1 red and green pepper each
8-12 small to medium mushrooms (8 if medium, more like twelve if medium sized)
Lasagna Noodles, no-pre-cook (We used organic-esque healthy pasta shells and lasagna noodles)
Cannaloni noodles, same deal
1 box of frozen spinach...about 2 cup fresh, 1 cup frozen, maybe bit more, depending on preference
3-4 bags of pre-shredded white cheese
salt and pepper
6 cans of diced tomato (normal soup can size)
1 can of tomato paste (for more tomato-y)



Cheese sauce-
flour and water (a roo? reiaux? I don't remember...something french which means something which means you need to look at the picture to understand what I mean. Sigh.)
Milk
1-2 bags of shredded white cheese
Cayenne pepper

1. This is about how much meat we used. Uh, maybe this is more than I thought. I originally put 1 kilo in the recipe, but now I think it's a bit more than that. Anyways, regardless, about as much as you can put in your two hands, that's about how much meat it is. Uh, just guessing.

2. You will now need to cut the onion, garlic, peppers and mushrooms into neat little piles. Or just make a big mess like I did. Ralph is a bit of a kitchen nazi, so while I was enjoying myself making a mess, he was busy asking why the garlic and the onion wasn't chopped yet. And then he asked if I was going to leave any vegetables for the meal, or if I just wanted to eat them all as I cut them. Eh heh. Some things never change, yeah? SO, chop the garlic and onion first (you'll need about 2 onions and three-to four little pieces of the clove of garlic. Wait, is a clove shaped like an apple slice or is it the whole unit of garlic??) and regardless, you'll use it with the meat.

3. Once whoever is the head chef has the said garlic and onion, in this case, Ralph, then throw the garlic and onion in with the meat itself. Cook the meat until browned properly. Now, DIVIDE the meat, two thirds in the pot, one third set aside.

4. You'll need to add some tomato (or, as Ralph would say, some toMAATo. The English. I mean, really.) to the pot, and maybe some spices. Ralph used oregano, salt and pepper some water and some wine. If it was me, I would have used some different spices, and less salt and more pepper. =D You can use any spices you like, but make sure it goes well with meat and tomato...there are lots you can use.

5. In the end, your meat should look like this. Or, if I was cooking, it would look like this, but more burnt and less tasty. The head chef had quality control going on pretty strong, so there were no real issues. This will be divided in two, one part used for a lasagna, one half used for a sphaghetti bolognaise sauce. You'll need to watch and cook the meat and everything on a low to medium heat for about half an hour to forty-five minutes, which means now is a good time to do everything else you wanted to do. Like make a third dish! =D

6. The meat you set aside earlier will now be used. Mix the meat and the spinach, and then stuff the pasta shells with the mix you have, put in the bottom of an oval or round dish until you have filled it, or nearly filled it. And, under no circumstances eat half of it while you make the meal. You'll be heavily criticized. Or, perhaps, criticised. Hah! The English!

7. Next, no picture, simply take a can of tomatoes, and spread it over top, and even out the tomato as best you can. Under no circumstances let someone criticize your skills at spreading tomato evenly on top of a pasta dish. If so, contemplate hitting him with a big wooden spoon, or flicking soapy water at him while doing the dishes.

8. Next the sauce. This is the hardest part, according to Ralph. Cooking the little flour and water dough ball thingy until it's dry, then add some milk, and whip quickly until the sauce goes smooth. The dough ball should be about 1/2 a cup of flour or so, I'm guessing? Ralph says it's very natural for the sauce to go chunky and unhappy, even if you measure well. So, just stir quickly and add milk as it thickens. Ralph made enough sauce for two to three dishes, so he's used about a litre, maybe two litres of milk. Once the sauce is smooth, add cayenne pepper and cheese. Sauce should be an edible meal now. Under no circumstances should you eat half the sauce before eating the meal.

9. Now comes the easy part. Get out a bread-sized pan (So, 2X11, I think, something like that), and fill it with layers of lasagna noodle, cream sauce, and the meat mixture. Just layer it as nicely as you can. Should be fine. (I'm envisioning major crises in the kitchen, if I actually try this by myself. Hopefully it turns out well for others.) =D Take cheese sauce, layer over the cannelloni dish, and then cover both of them with a layer of shredded white cheese. Pop these in the oven for 30-45 minutes, or until somewhat brown on the top at your average cooking temperature, about 350F or 17o-80C. (I'm getting much better with the metric here, by the way.)

10. While all this is happening, take the last third of meat mixture that you still have on the stove, and put the peppers in it, let it cook and simmer, make sure that most of the liquid has drained. If it has, the sauce is ready for spaghetti! Take out the other two when ready, and there you have it!

One! (Spaghetti sauce!)

Two! (Lasagna!)

Three! (Take a big fat guess!)

We ate the lasagna that night, it was fantastic, and I had some of the canneloni today, and I have spaghetti sauce in the freezer. I'm eating well for at least another three to five days! =D =D =D

Well, tonight was the first 'real' night of theatre, so that was nice, and hectic in its own right. I'm getting really near the breaking point, I think, need a little more rest, and I have to be careful about how much sleep I get...it's been a little too little, lately, I think. I've been playing catch-up for a week, and it's still not enough. And I'm not sure I can keep pulling the go out Friday night and stay up past one or two, and get up at 645am to go to work at nine on Saturdays. It's just too much for me to handle, especially given that I have theatre on Sundays and I have a paper due every week until final exams on Mondays and classes until 5pm on Monday, and then 9am class on Tuesdays. It's really just too much. So, more care of myself, maybe. OK, well, I have to go to sleep. Later!