My Life as a French Student

Well,


It's been three days since class started, and already things are a little strange. I am very frustrated right now because they put the people who are right on the edge of the intermediate group, maybe 10-45 class hours away (ie. people who can speak and use some forms of other tenses, albiet badly, and speak pretty much without a problem in present tense, people whom they call 'advanced beginner') in with the people who absolutely. cannot. speak. a single. not a single. word of french.

I would be lying to you if I said there weren't times in the last two days I wanted to put a gun to my head or even just scream. Ack. Thing is, there were many 'advanced speakers' in the class before, and they could speak a higher level, and make things easier (ie. harder). However, two of them just left this morning for the next level (one that I really liked) and only other two of them took a test to see if they can go up to the next level this afternoon. If they leave, I will literally have no one to talk to in french, at least for the first three to possibly five weeks. This will be like my grade nine nightmare of core french all over again. (Seriously, it was bad. VERY BAD. Tres-bad-avec-le-bleu-cheese-bad.)

So, to 'quell' the adolescent rage, and the feeling stupid, (As in, "I'm so stupid at french they put me with the people who can't speak any french, so I'm really bad at everything' feeling) I went to talk to my teacher because I thought, you know, maybe if I talked about it, I would feel better, and I did, a little. And, also, because I know that I was partially frustrated because I couldn't speak french at the level I wanted, I was probably just mad at myself, especially over the last few days of 'language shock.' The teacher and I talked, and I told her I was worried it was always going to be really slow in this course, and that I understood everything she said in class (which, in my opinion, is usually not great in a language course, and definitely a bad sign in beginner's class) and I think it was clear I was really sad I was over the whole thing.

Tres Bizzare, she then she asked me if 'I' could (not if I wanted to, but if I could just do it for herm if I had the time) to write the little mini test to see if I should be at a higher level. I was like, "what??" and I did it anyways, (I mean hey, if they're going to give me even more than what I want and make me work so hard I cry, I definitely won't complain since this is what I came here for.) and made up a bunch of endings for the past tense, and wrote a short compisition for her, but it was really bad, (seriously, I totally made up words, and I didn't know what to write most of the time) and I told her that it was too hard for me, and that made me feel better, so that's alright, and she said it wasn't a problem, and was really nice to me. I kinda feel like the bigger man because I swallowed my pride and admitted that.

I suppose I should be a little more forgiving and realistic, since everyone will catch up, I guess. But for me, it's not about waiting for people to catch up; my time is just as valuable as the people who paid for the course and are complete beginners. I just feel kinda sad because I feel like I did something wrong because I know too much french for where everyone else is starting and not enough french for where I want to be starting.

I think what my fear is, is that everyone else is of a slightly different mentality. There are people that want to learn french, and then there are people that want and need to learn french. And I really, really want to learn french. I want to learn so bad I could cry. But I don't want to have to do it all myself after sitting through days of "Bonjour, Comment tu t'appelle?" because there isn't anyone (minus the very nice Australian couple in the back of the class, maybe) who can even speak in a full phrase, by themselves. And it's been three days. I need french for myself, I really do, but I am not sure I am going to learn more in this course than I did in my two week course in Belgium, and if that happens, I'm going to be so sad. =( =( =(

I think I would be more ok if I could have some sort of realistic promise that we were going to cover more than the present tense in 15 weeks. I should suppose we are, but I'm worried how long it will take to get there, is all. Do you think my fear is in earnest, or maybe I'm just freaking out because it's the first couple days? Maybe there's something else I could do? I'll have to think about it.

Whew, well, it's been a long day, and one good thing about being here in Quebec are all the people I can speak french with, so maybe I should focus on that, and less on the classroom experience. I think I will rest a bit, kinda chill and have an early night. Tomorrow is a big day, student pictures.