TOW: Being An Adult

I've been thinking a lot about what it means to be an adult lately--possibly because my bones are creaking more, or maybe it's the fact that I seem to injure myself every five seconds recently, and my recuperation time gets longer each week. And I seem to be less able to tell the difference between, 12, 15, and 18 years of age. They all look 14 to me. And, by the way, have you seen my prune juice?

Thinking back to what I have written in the past, some of it has been drama-filled, and some of it has been in direct reference to what it means to be grown-up. Old. Cripply.

Etc.

But I'm becoming that. I mean, eventually I'm going to be there. Every day I'm a little more broken, a little more beat-up, and I wonder what I have to show for it, and what I have that's going to make sense at the end of the day.

As I grow older, however, I see I have skills...I have things that I should value in my life. And I am coming to value myself more over time, and more than I expected. Which is weird, because who knew growing a backbone actually mattered? Right around the same time as I start acquiring a whole host of weird ailments!??! Who knew???

And part of the struggle of finding value in yourself is wondering where in life you will find people who will value you in the same ways that matter, and value you for the qualities you want to be valued for. The people who will love you for who you are, and not how useful you are to them.

Being a young adult is not the same as being an adult who has it made. But I know that eventually there's a bright light at the end of a tunnel, somewhere. And I have to keep believing that eventually, I will find people, just like me.

I have been searching, and I've seen a glimmer of the kind of life I want to lead. Because as a young adult, we get to tell ourselves, that everything is going to alright, even when it isn't. And we get to believe in ourselves, even when we can't even count our friends or personal accomplishments on one hand. And that's because even in the face of our worst fears becoming realized, there is just so much life in us that is worth living.

It's not necessary to be perfect. But it's a requirement of a happy and good life to try and be perfectly who we are.