http://www.noupe.com/wallpaper/happy-new-year-2011-wallpapers.html
Great wallpapers!
Friday, December 31, 2010
#Reverb10: Dec. 31, 2010: My Core Story
December 31 – Core Story
What central story is at the core of you, and how do you share it with the world? (Bonus: Consider your reflections from this month. Look through them to discover a thread you may not have noticed until today.)
My story is a search for happiness. The funny thing is, I am pretty sure that I had it, or something like exactly what I wanted at certain points of my life. For me, being happy means being a good person, and being able to share my gifts, whatever that means. Sharing, Caring, and not despairing! I have spent a lot of time working on perservering through tough times, and I kind of feel like a new year, this time, anyways, is a really goodd chance for me to change, all for the better.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Monday, December 27, 2010
TOW: The Meaning of Christmas
You know, I have a lot of fond memories of Christmas as a child.
Most of my memories involve Christmas morning, and unwrapping presents.
Being perfectly honest, I have to say that most of the presents that I have received over the years have been less than stellar. I was often the kid that got underwear or a really bad Christmas sweater in a package from a well-meaning relative.
But, I don't think I ever cared. Because to me there was always a joy of Christmas, of unwrapping gifts. There was an element of surprise to my life. If anything, my parents were amazingly good at creating the atmosphere of Christmas, the feeling that miracles could happen, and that once a year, a man came down our non-existent chimney and somehow granted all my Christmas wishes, usually without giving me what I actually wanted. Because to me, it wasn't about the presents I received, in which case I should probably be upset that my parents didn't understand the things I liked, but more that all of the things I received over the Christmas season were things that often surprised me. Sometimes I ended up liking that Christmas sweater, itchy wool and all. (Then again, sometimes I hid it under my bed, never to be seen again. Eh heh.)
To me, Christmas is about the element of surprise, of being surprised by the joy of things unexpected, event when things are seemingly dismal.
The beauty of the Christmas story, and the Christmas miracle, is that Jesus is the unluckiest baby who was ever born, but it's ok, because his birth story turns out to be a happy circumstance.
I mean, if you think about it, the whole story of Christmas is something off of Trailer Park Boys. His mom and dad can't even get a hotel for the night, so they're stuck giving birth outside. In a barn. I don't know about you, but I know what sort of things I say about people who give birth in barns in the middle of winter.
Christmas, as much as it has been commericalized, is a really special holiday. It's a time when people, now and then, remember what is important in their lives, and what it means to really give of themselves. Christmas is a great time for growth, as the days are short, and the nights are long. We have a lot to be thankful for because there are people around us who love us, and even if they're not near in longitude and latitude, they're often nearby in our hearts.
Rarely do you hear of a Christmas miracle that makes sense, that gives people a sense of joy and hope in their lives. But often it's really a Christmas miracle simply by having a family, or friends, or people who will celebrate their happiness, with us.
There's something special about that.
Most of my memories involve Christmas morning, and unwrapping presents.
Being perfectly honest, I have to say that most of the presents that I have received over the years have been less than stellar. I was often the kid that got underwear or a really bad Christmas sweater in a package from a well-meaning relative.
But, I don't think I ever cared. Because to me there was always a joy of Christmas, of unwrapping gifts. There was an element of surprise to my life. If anything, my parents were amazingly good at creating the atmosphere of Christmas, the feeling that miracles could happen, and that once a year, a man came down our non-existent chimney and somehow granted all my Christmas wishes, usually without giving me what I actually wanted. Because to me, it wasn't about the presents I received, in which case I should probably be upset that my parents didn't understand the things I liked, but more that all of the things I received over the Christmas season were things that often surprised me. Sometimes I ended up liking that Christmas sweater, itchy wool and all. (Then again, sometimes I hid it under my bed, never to be seen again. Eh heh.)
To me, Christmas is about the element of surprise, of being surprised by the joy of things unexpected, event when things are seemingly dismal.
The beauty of the Christmas story, and the Christmas miracle, is that Jesus is the unluckiest baby who was ever born, but it's ok, because his birth story turns out to be a happy circumstance.
I mean, if you think about it, the whole story of Christmas is something off of Trailer Park Boys. His mom and dad can't even get a hotel for the night, so they're stuck giving birth outside. In a barn. I don't know about you, but I know what sort of things I say about people who give birth in barns in the middle of winter.
Christmas, as much as it has been commericalized, is a really special holiday. It's a time when people, now and then, remember what is important in their lives, and what it means to really give of themselves. Christmas is a great time for growth, as the days are short, and the nights are long. We have a lot to be thankful for because there are people around us who love us, and even if they're not near in longitude and latitude, they're often nearby in our hearts.
Rarely do you hear of a Christmas miracle that makes sense, that gives people a sense of joy and hope in their lives. But often it's really a Christmas miracle simply by having a family, or friends, or people who will celebrate their happiness, with us.
There's something special about that.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Friday, December 24, 2010
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
The Twelfth Day of Christmas: Wait, wait, what?
So, I just noticed that I labelled two days with 'the ninth day of Christmas.' So, technically I am done my Twelve Days of Christmas. =)
And I could go back and fix the titles, but I was definitely with fever when I wrote some of the posts. Sooo, long live the memories. =D Eh heh. Sigh.
Being done is a good thing, because I only really have time to pack and do laundry today. (And ignore the fact that there is plenty to do but certainly not enough time to do it! Argh!)
The cards were really well received. My one co-worker laughed for, like, five minutes because each of these cards were something that was based on previous conversationsI had with my co-workers or things that I knew they liked. (Minus my boss, whose humour I am not too too sure about, so I just put an innocuous cartoon on the front of hers. Eh heh.)
Anyways, it's been actually really tough to make sure I did something 'notable' in the charity and doing good section every day for twelve days straight, going out of my way to help other people. It certainly hasn't been easy for me, either, to do things that often didn't reward me in any way, and sometimes, caused me a bit of grief. (Re: giving someone their newspapers) But all in all, I think this was a good experience. I'm going to try and repeat it next year, maybe. =)
Soon will be publishing pictures from SK! Can't wait! =D
And I could go back and fix the titles, but I was definitely with fever when I wrote some of the posts. Sooo, long live the memories. =D Eh heh. Sigh.
Being done is a good thing, because I only really have time to pack and do laundry today. (And ignore the fact that there is plenty to do but certainly not enough time to do it! Argh!)
The cards were really well received. My one co-worker laughed for, like, five minutes because each of these cards were something that was based on previous conversationsI had with my co-workers or things that I knew they liked. (Minus my boss, whose humour I am not too too sure about, so I just put an innocuous cartoon on the front of hers. Eh heh.)
Anyways, it's been actually really tough to make sure I did something 'notable' in the charity and doing good section every day for twelve days straight, going out of my way to help other people. It certainly hasn't been easy for me, either, to do things that often didn't reward me in any way, and sometimes, caused me a bit of grief. (Re: giving someone their newspapers) But all in all, I think this was a good experience. I'm going to try and repeat it next year, maybe. =)
Soon will be publishing pictures from SK! Can't wait! =D
Monday, December 20, 2010
The Eleventh Day of Christmas: Eleven Lords A-Leaping
These are the custom Christmas cards I made for my coworkers. I hope they like them.
Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5
Because I'm sick
The good deeds for today are going to be waylaid until tomorrow. Two good deeds, both very similar! =D
Sunday, December 19, 2010
TOW: When It Matters
As I sit here with my unbearable fever (which has sort of become quite fun when I get the shivers. I'm pretty sure I've hallucinated several times today.) and sickness, I made an effort to do the things that I needed today.
That meant buying a Christmas present, meeting with a very nice girl, and going to church.
I only took one nap today in the morning, and by 6:55 p.m., I was battered. I didn't want to go to church. I didn't want to move. But I took my sorry carcass there. I thought I was maybe going to pass out. Eh heh.
But in the end, I'm glad I went. Sometimes, even when things are at their worst, that's when you have to do the things that really matter. It's the last Advent Mass before Christmas. That means a lot to Catholics, and to me. It's the final hurrah before really cool stuff start happening in the liturgical calendar, and indeeed, the year.
Life is not about what you want, but about what you want to be present in your life, every day.
I can sleep anytime. But there's only one 4th week of Advent Christmas Mass of 2010. And when you are at your worst and everyone else is at their best, maybe that's when it matters.
That meant buying a Christmas present, meeting with a very nice girl, and going to church.
I only took one nap today in the morning, and by 6:55 p.m., I was battered. I didn't want to go to church. I didn't want to move. But I took my sorry carcass there. I thought I was maybe going to pass out. Eh heh.
But in the end, I'm glad I went. Sometimes, even when things are at their worst, that's when you have to do the things that really matter. It's the last Advent Mass before Christmas. That means a lot to Catholics, and to me. It's the final hurrah before really cool stuff start happening in the liturgical calendar, and indeeed, the year.
Life is not about what you want, but about what you want to be present in your life, every day.
I can sleep anytime. But there's only one 4th week of Advent Christmas Mass of 2010. And when you are at your worst and everyone else is at their best, maybe that's when it matters.
The Tenth Day of Christmas: Ten Pipers Piping
Today I helped someone get excited about their dream again.
I met with a girl I know through twitter (and LinkedIn) who has been releasing videos for her organization. She has just started, and the video content is really amazing, but it wasn't clear to me what her business plan was. So, like a true freelancing guru, I said I would be willing to help, on a freelance basis.
We talked about how she should organize her rebranding, the kind of products and services that she wants to offer, and how to reach her target audiences. At the end of the hour we spent together, she put her head in her hands, and groaned, "I have so much work to do!"
I replied that the way of the entrepreneur is hard. Really hard. I think the best lesson I learned today is that I got to make a real friend, and a real sort of business connection at the same time. It's fun to offer your time. And in the end, I think she felt better about what she wanted for her organization.
I met with a girl I know through twitter (and LinkedIn) who has been releasing videos for her organization. She has just started, and the video content is really amazing, but it wasn't clear to me what her business plan was. So, like a true freelancing guru, I said I would be willing to help, on a freelance basis.
We talked about how she should organize her rebranding, the kind of products and services that she wants to offer, and how to reach her target audiences. At the end of the hour we spent together, she put her head in her hands, and groaned, "I have so much work to do!"
I replied that the way of the entrepreneur is hard. Really hard. I think the best lesson I learned today is that I got to make a real friend, and a real sort of business connection at the same time. It's fun to offer your time. And in the end, I think she felt better about what she wanted for her organization.
The Ninth Day of Christmas: Nine Drummers Drumming
Yesterday, I went to a local bakery called St. John's Bakery. They're run by St. John's Mission and they have a artisan break-making program that teaches at-risk individuals how to bake. The profits from the bread making go directly to helping support the mission.
I decided to walk in on Saturday, and bought myself some cookies. (I won't lie--they weren't the best. They used cornstarch, which gave the cookies a really different texture.) As critical as I am, I DO want to say say that most of their bread is delicious, and serves a number of people who want an artisan bakery in the area.
I also asked to buy some chocolates from them, to give to a friend. They were out of the five dollar baskets. So, I asked if it would be alright for me to donate five dollars towards their Out of the Cold street outreach program. The lady at the counter was really enthusiastic and said yes. She seemed pretty grateful, but she didn't need to be. It's a really good cause, and there's nothing worse than being without food or shelter.
I decided to walk in on Saturday, and bought myself some cookies. (I won't lie--they weren't the best. They used cornstarch, which gave the cookies a really different texture.) As critical as I am, I DO want to say say that most of their bread is delicious, and serves a number of people who want an artisan bakery in the area.
I also asked to buy some chocolates from them, to give to a friend. They were out of the five dollar baskets. So, I asked if it would be alright for me to donate five dollars towards their Out of the Cold street outreach program. The lady at the counter was really enthusiastic and said yes. She seemed pretty grateful, but she didn't need to be. It's a really good cause, and there's nothing worse than being without food or shelter.
Saturday, December 18, 2010
The Ninth Day of Christmas: Nine Ladies Dancing
Whew! Sick this morning!
So, yesterday was kinda tough for doing good deeds, but an odd chance presented itself. I had sort of 'backup' ones, but this one takes this cake, I think.
My friend Derek and I were picking up a few things for dinner (it was dinner before he left for Christmas back in Van) and Derek asked if I wouldn't mind waiting for him while he goes for a quick 10-min tanning session.
Now, you have to understand. I use to have friends, family members and others who would drag me along to their random daily errands and force me to wait for them. Wait while they try on clothes, wait while they figure out what to wear. Wait while they get their haircut. Wait, wait, wait. While I'm a pretty easy-going guy, nothing fills me with more dread than waiting around for other people. Waiting.
I could tell Derek really wanted to go tanning and he just hadn't found time in his day to do it, and he was leaving the next day, so I said sure. Waiting around for 15-25 minutes isn't a big deal.
But then again, waiting is not a fun thing to do. You're giving up your time for someone else, sometimes with no direct benefit to yourself. No one likes having their time wasted.
(If this sounds like an extremely lame good deed to you, I'll admit I wasn't exactly saving children in a fire. In fact, even I think it sounds lame.)
This weekend should be good for having fun and doing good deeds! Christmas is only seven days away! =D
So, yesterday was kinda tough for doing good deeds, but an odd chance presented itself. I had sort of 'backup' ones, but this one takes this cake, I think.
My friend Derek and I were picking up a few things for dinner (it was dinner before he left for Christmas back in Van) and Derek asked if I wouldn't mind waiting for him while he goes for a quick 10-min tanning session.
Now, you have to understand. I use to have friends, family members and others who would drag me along to their random daily errands and force me to wait for them. Wait while they try on clothes, wait while they figure out what to wear. Wait while they get their haircut. Wait, wait, wait. While I'm a pretty easy-going guy, nothing fills me with more dread than waiting around for other people. Waiting.
I could tell Derek really wanted to go tanning and he just hadn't found time in his day to do it, and he was leaving the next day, so I said sure. Waiting around for 15-25 minutes isn't a big deal.
But then again, waiting is not a fun thing to do. You're giving up your time for someone else, sometimes with no direct benefit to yourself. No one likes having their time wasted.
(If this sounds like an extremely lame good deed to you, I'll admit I wasn't exactly saving children in a fire. In fact, even I think it sounds lame.)
This weekend should be good for having fun and doing good deeds! Christmas is only seven days away! =D
Thursday, December 16, 2010
The Eighth Day of Christmas: Eight Maids a-Milking
Today I attended two holiday Christmas parties. I had a lot of fun, met a lot of people, but I decided to do something I used to do all the time, but don't do too much anymore.
I went and talked to someone who looked bored that was sitting by themselves.
It was funny because I used to do that sort of thing all the time. I sort of stopped doing it because it had been a while since I met people I really liked, or even met people in a safe environment here in Toronto. (There are a lot of scary people here. Walking up to someone and just meeting them is usually a horrible idea. From experience. Speaking. From. Experience.)
So, I was walking around, chatting with people, doing my thing, and then I saw this really nice looking girl who was just sitting around. I sat down and started chatting with her, and she is in the worst position to be in at a party like this, she is a guest-of-a-friend-that-works-there-who-is-off-talking-to-other-people. I told her this was a real shame and we talked about lots of fun things, like lesbian enforcement officers, how she managed to continually looked so youthful, and why her drinking/standing within the next 15 minutes was not a good idea. (I guess she had a bit much to drink....but not too much! She cut herself off!)
It just goes to show that the nicest thing you can do for someone sitting by themselves is make them feel less lonely. The reason that they say one is the lonliest number is because that's what you have 'zero' others, you have no-one. Two is the first real number in mathematics because that's when you can tell the difference between numbers. There's more than just me. Or you. Or you sitting in the corner. Or you walking around. There are others, sitting in the corner, walking around, looking bored, wondering when the party is going to end.
It's a good idea to meet new people when you can.
I went and talked to someone who looked bored that was sitting by themselves.
It was funny because I used to do that sort of thing all the time. I sort of stopped doing it because it had been a while since I met people I really liked, or even met people in a safe environment here in Toronto. (There are a lot of scary people here. Walking up to someone and just meeting them is usually a horrible idea. From experience. Speaking. From. Experience.)
So, I was walking around, chatting with people, doing my thing, and then I saw this really nice looking girl who was just sitting around. I sat down and started chatting with her, and she is in the worst position to be in at a party like this, she is a guest-of-a-friend-that-works-there-who-is-off-talking-to-other-people. I told her this was a real shame and we talked about lots of fun things, like lesbian enforcement officers, how she managed to continually looked so youthful, and why her drinking/standing within the next 15 minutes was not a good idea. (I guess she had a bit much to drink....but not too much! She cut herself off!)
It just goes to show that the nicest thing you can do for someone sitting by themselves is make them feel less lonely. The reason that they say one is the lonliest number is because that's what you have 'zero' others, you have no-one. Two is the first real number in mathematics because that's when you can tell the difference between numbers. There's more than just me. Or you. Or you sitting in the corner. Or you walking around. There are others, sitting in the corner, walking around, looking bored, wondering when the party is going to end.
It's a good idea to meet new people when you can.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
#Reverb10: Dec. 15, 2010
December 15 – 5 Minutes Imagine you will completely lose your memory of 2010 in five minutes. Set an alarm for five minutes and capture the things you most want to remember about 2010.
Top 5:
1) How hard I worked
2) Growing up in a year or less
3) Giving myself respect
4) The relationships I had/made/changed for the better
5) My trips home and trip to Montreal
Top 5:
1) How hard I worked
2) Growing up in a year or less
3) Giving myself respect
4) The relationships I had/made/changed for the better
5) My trips home and trip to Montreal
The Seventh Day of Christmas: Seven Swans A-Swimming
Today I bought someone lunch who just started working (Aka. had even less cash than me).
I was having a really good lunch, and I thought because a) I am running out of time to do a good deed for the day and b) this person could really use a free meal. She has had it pretty rough.
We went to a great place that serves ramen. I had never had ramen in my life before, but wow! It's amazing!
I kinda had to fight to pay the check with her. I know she could afford it, but maybe I was on a bit of a crusade. Good deeds to be done, or good deeds steam-rolling people's feelings?? It's hard to say!
But, so that she didn't feel guilty, we went and ate ice cream. I let her pay. =)
I was having a really good lunch, and I thought because a) I am running out of time to do a good deed for the day and b) this person could really use a free meal. She has had it pretty rough.
We went to a great place that serves ramen. I had never had ramen in my life before, but wow! It's amazing!
I kinda had to fight to pay the check with her. I know she could afford it, but maybe I was on a bit of a crusade. Good deeds to be done, or good deeds steam-rolling people's feelings?? It's hard to say!
But, so that she didn't feel guilty, we went and ate ice cream. I let her pay. =)
The Sixth Day of Christmas: Six Geese A-Laying
Today I gave two people unexpected Christmas presents.
Geoff, a local actor, and Jennifer, the producer of Peacock Productions, had a meeting with me yesterday. Actually, I thought it was just a meeting with Jen, and so I thought, "I'll bring Christmas candy!" Which was ok, except I only brought one box of candy, and I was told over text that "Geoff is waiting for us in the LCBO!" (I thought we were looking at wines for our upcoming January show). So, I thought, maybe I should just show up with the one box of chocolate, and we could share it. But, I sort of felt lame, like when you show up to a party just to give a gift to one person and no gifts for other people. Lame!
Luckily, though, I was right by somewhere, and I could pick up an additional box. I know that's like 'the capitalism of Christmas' but I thought really hard about it, and I thought, everyone wants to get something for Christmas, even if it's nothing at all, really.
So, I showed up and acted like Santa for five minutes. Both of them were really surprised, and actually, Geoff was really touched. (I guess he really likes candy!)
So I guess the lesson I learned is, never show up empty-handed?
Or more like, the best gifts are the ones given from the heart, and completely unexpected.
Geoff, a local actor, and Jennifer, the producer of Peacock Productions, had a meeting with me yesterday. Actually, I thought it was just a meeting with Jen, and so I thought, "I'll bring Christmas candy!" Which was ok, except I only brought one box of candy, and I was told over text that "Geoff is waiting for us in the LCBO!" (I thought we were looking at wines for our upcoming January show). So, I thought, maybe I should just show up with the one box of chocolate, and we could share it. But, I sort of felt lame, like when you show up to a party just to give a gift to one person and no gifts for other people. Lame!
Luckily, though, I was right by somewhere, and I could pick up an additional box. I know that's like 'the capitalism of Christmas' but I thought really hard about it, and I thought, everyone wants to get something for Christmas, even if it's nothing at all, really.
So, I showed up and acted like Santa for five minutes. Both of them were really surprised, and actually, Geoff was really touched. (I guess he really likes candy!)
So I guess the lesson I learned is, never show up empty-handed?
Or more like, the best gifts are the ones given from the heart, and completely unexpected.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
The Fifth Day of Christmas: Five Golden Rings
So, yesterday, a bunch of newspapers showed up at my workplace that didn't belong to my ministry. They actually belonged to a public relations firm up the street.
I considered recycling them.
Instead, because of my doing-good mandate this week, I decided to walk all the way up Bay Street and deliver them. There was a weather warning, it was like, -24 in Toronto (trust me, that's not pleasant here because of the humidity) and I wasn't wearing appropriate clothing at all.
When I arrived, I thought I would get a 'thank you' of some kind, or at least chat with the Apex PR people for five minutes when I got there.
However, I realized that the type of building they were in had security locks on every floor, and I wouldn't be able to get in. So I left the papers with security, and THAT certainly didn't get a thank you. =/
Doing good is easy when it makes you feel good about yourself. Doing good is hard when there's no one to tell you you're doing a good thing, something that actually no one might even care about in the long or the short term.
I considered recycling them.
Instead, because of my doing-good mandate this week, I decided to walk all the way up Bay Street and deliver them. There was a weather warning, it was like, -24 in Toronto (trust me, that's not pleasant here because of the humidity) and I wasn't wearing appropriate clothing at all.
When I arrived, I thought I would get a 'thank you' of some kind, or at least chat with the Apex PR people for five minutes when I got there.
However, I realized that the type of building they were in had security locks on every floor, and I wouldn't be able to get in. So I left the papers with security, and THAT certainly didn't get a thank you. =/
Doing good is easy when it makes you feel good about yourself. Doing good is hard when there's no one to tell you you're doing a good thing, something that actually no one might even care about in the long or the short term.
Monday, December 13, 2010
Sunday, December 12, 2010
The Fourth Day of Christmas: Four Calling Birds
Today I stopped by to pick up my mail from my old landlord. As I walked in, my landlord asked me if I wanted a beer. Naturally, I didn't...but I said yes. Why? Because accepting kindness from other people is a very special kind of kindness. And like all real kindness, giving it gives it back to you.
We sat down in the apartment where I used to live. I met the new tenant, they lit up the Christmas tree and put on Christmas music, just for me. We drank our beer, chatted about tv shows, the publicity I'm doing for a small theatre show this year, and about the Christmas holidays. We had a small talk about my family, how many brothers I had, how they were doing, etc.
I had a great time.
Consequently, because of this, I missed church, and I knew I probably would by stopping in. =/ And, at first, I thought that was bad, because I had meant to stop by only to pick up my mail. But I realized, in the end, that God doesn't want us to ignore other people in our lives. I created a party for two people I really like on a Sunday night. I created laughter where there was no laughter, and conversation where there was silence.
I can go to church another day this week. But some people are only in our lives for short moments, and we should give those moments the respect they deserve.
We sat down in the apartment where I used to live. I met the new tenant, they lit up the Christmas tree and put on Christmas music, just for me. We drank our beer, chatted about tv shows, the publicity I'm doing for a small theatre show this year, and about the Christmas holidays. We had a small talk about my family, how many brothers I had, how they were doing, etc.
I had a great time.
Consequently, because of this, I missed church, and I knew I probably would by stopping in. =/ And, at first, I thought that was bad, because I had meant to stop by only to pick up my mail. But I realized, in the end, that God doesn't want us to ignore other people in our lives. I created a party for two people I really like on a Sunday night. I created laughter where there was no laughter, and conversation where there was silence.
I can go to church another day this week. But some people are only in our lives for short moments, and we should give those moments the respect they deserve.
#Reverb10: Dec. 12, 2010
December 12 – Body Integration This year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body? Did you have a moment where there wasn’t mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present? (Author: Patrick Reynolds)
No way! Every day this year has been about how my body is so much different than my mind. My mind can do so many things. So can my body, but rarely do they feel the same. =)
No way! Every day this year has been about how my body is so much different than my mind. My mind can do so many things. So can my body, but rarely do they feel the same. =)
TOW: Happiness versus Success
This week has been a great week. And I say that with candour. While it hasn't been perfect, I've had a lot of fun, and often the kind of fun that can't be measured in anything than how great I've felt over the past week. I won't say this week has been a week charmed with success and greatness. It hasn't. I had an interview for another unpaid position, which is a great opportunity....but it doesn't pay.
And I kinda agree with my friend Derek that I've already done this too many times, and whether or not it looks good on my resume, I already have all the skills I want/need for that kind of position. I could be...you know...paid for that kind of position. So, I'm still thinking about whether I'll intern again, since I'm kinda over interning in general. Not to mention working for free. Would love to work with the company, but not for free. Or unless there's some other hidden perk other than giving up my video game and nap time.
So, I gotten to thinking, how much money do I need to be happy? How much success (which usually has a dollar sign attached to it.) do I need? Which makes me happy, intangibles or tangibles?
Some people will tell you that the best things in life are free. This is true and false. The best things in life are free, but that's usually after you've already paid for all the nice things that allow you to contemplate how wonderful the feeling of family and friends are.
Friends are great when they have money--friends are less great when they are constantly asking you for money, broke, or otherwise unable to join in the holiday christmas party because they don't have the twenty-five bucks everybody else has to particpate in this year's secret santa. Then they're seen as Debbie downers, or complainers, or people who aren't ambitious enough, etc.
People who say things like this have probably never had to try very hard.
Or perhaps are simply incredibly insensitive.
It's funny because often I feel like the more successful I try to be, the less happy I am. I haven't thought about this much before, but it seems to me, the more successful I try to be, the less successful I am, and consequently, the less happy. I find the less I try to be 'successful' (whatever that means) the happier I am.
I could have gone the gym this weekend. I haven't yet. I could have applied for more and more jobs, done some freelance writing, spent more time doing x, y, z, but I didn't. And not because I don't like those things, or because I don't do those things on a regular basis, etc.
No, it's because I am coming around to an old mindset I used to have unconsciously, where I chose to focus on the good things in my life, instead of striving for the things I didn't have.
I'm not sure if that made me more or less successful, but it certainly made me happier. I might not have the same 'things' or 'successes' that other people value, or even have some of the same degree of being 'up the corporate ladder' as some people in my age group, but at the same time, I think I spend a lot of time, when things are going well enough (ie. life not totally in the gutter) being pretty happy.
And having spent more than enough time at the bottom of the happiness barrel, I can tell you with certainty most of it came from trying to be more successful than I already was.
Which, given where I was in life, was relatively pointless.
So next time you have a bad day, ask yourself: Is it because you're unhappy, or because you're unsuccessful?
For me, it was because I spent more time worrying about being successful, than being myself.
And I kinda agree with my friend Derek that I've already done this too many times, and whether or not it looks good on my resume, I already have all the skills I want/need for that kind of position. I could be...you know...paid for that kind of position. So, I'm still thinking about whether I'll intern again, since I'm kinda over interning in general. Not to mention working for free. Would love to work with the company, but not for free. Or unless there's some other hidden perk other than giving up my video game and nap time.
So, I gotten to thinking, how much money do I need to be happy? How much success (which usually has a dollar sign attached to it.) do I need? Which makes me happy, intangibles or tangibles?
Some people will tell you that the best things in life are free. This is true and false. The best things in life are free, but that's usually after you've already paid for all the nice things that allow you to contemplate how wonderful the feeling of family and friends are.
Friends are great when they have money--friends are less great when they are constantly asking you for money, broke, or otherwise unable to join in the holiday christmas party because they don't have the twenty-five bucks everybody else has to particpate in this year's secret santa. Then they're seen as Debbie downers, or complainers, or people who aren't ambitious enough, etc.
People who say things like this have probably never had to try very hard.
Or perhaps are simply incredibly insensitive.
It's funny because often I feel like the more successful I try to be, the less happy I am. I haven't thought about this much before, but it seems to me, the more successful I try to be, the less successful I am, and consequently, the less happy. I find the less I try to be 'successful' (whatever that means) the happier I am.
I could have gone the gym this weekend. I haven't yet. I could have applied for more and more jobs, done some freelance writing, spent more time doing x, y, z, but I didn't. And not because I don't like those things, or because I don't do those things on a regular basis, etc.
No, it's because I am coming around to an old mindset I used to have unconsciously, where I chose to focus on the good things in my life, instead of striving for the things I didn't have.
I'm not sure if that made me more or less successful, but it certainly made me happier. I might not have the same 'things' or 'successes' that other people value, or even have some of the same degree of being 'up the corporate ladder' as some people in my age group, but at the same time, I think I spend a lot of time, when things are going well enough (ie. life not totally in the gutter) being pretty happy.
And having spent more than enough time at the bottom of the happiness barrel, I can tell you with certainty most of it came from trying to be more successful than I already was.
Which, given where I was in life, was relatively pointless.
So next time you have a bad day, ask yourself: Is it because you're unhappy, or because you're unsuccessful?
For me, it was because I spent more time worrying about being successful, than being myself.
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Third Day of Christmas: Three French Hens
Today was a day where I didn't spend a lot of time outside (slept in!) but I made the best of it this eve.
Today I did something I NEVER do.
I gave someone a $7 tip.
And given my current state of affairs, that's the equivalent of a 15-20$ tip for most everyone else.
And you know, it felt really nice. He was a really great server, and he was good at what he did.
Of course, then Kevin wrote 'Call me' on the receipt.
Honestly. Sigh.
=)
Today I did something I NEVER do.
I gave someone a $7 tip.
And given my current state of affairs, that's the equivalent of a 15-20$ tip for most everyone else.
And you know, it felt really nice. He was a really great server, and he was good at what he did.
Of course, then Kevin wrote 'Call me' on the receipt.
Honestly. Sigh.
=)
The Second Day of Christmas: Two Turtle Doves
Today I:
Helped a lady get two ENORMOUS suit cases into the streetcar. I have no idea how she managed to carry them so far, in general. She said thank you about fifteen times.
I have been that person with four suitcases in a public transit terminal. I know the feeling. It felt good to help someone in the way I had been helped in the past.
Helped a lady get two ENORMOUS suit cases into the streetcar. I have no idea how she managed to carry them so far, in general. She said thank you about fifteen times.
I have been that person with four suitcases in a public transit terminal. I know the feeling. It felt good to help someone in the way I had been helped in the past.
#Reverb10: Dec. 11, 2010
December 11 – 11 Things What are 11 things your life doesn’t need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life? (Author: Sam Davidson)
1. Drama
2. Negative People
3. Drunkeness
4. Being ignored
5. Being taken for granted
6. Being angry about things that don't matter
7. Feeling 'not me'
8. Meals made entirely of something in a bag. (Bag of chips, bag of cookies, bag of candy. Bag of frozen veggies acceptable!)
9. Being sick
10. Being sick from crazy allergic reactions
11. Feeling self-conscious
All of these things (with notable exception of 8, 9) stem from one thing: fear. Sometimes I'm afraid of doing what I want, and instead of reaching out to get it, I pull away.
Sometimes being an adult makes you cautious.
1. Drama
2. Negative People
3. Drunkeness
4. Being ignored
5. Being taken for granted
6. Being angry about things that don't matter
7. Feeling 'not me'
8. Meals made entirely of something in a bag. (Bag of chips, bag of cookies, bag of candy. Bag of frozen veggies acceptable!)
9. Being sick
10. Being sick from crazy allergic reactions
11. Feeling self-conscious
All of these things (with notable exception of 8, 9) stem from one thing: fear. Sometimes I'm afraid of doing what I want, and instead of reaching out to get it, I pull away.
Sometimes being an adult makes you cautious.
Thursday, December 09, 2010
First Day of Christmas: A Patridge in a Pear Tree
So, I had one idea planned today, but it didn't work out--yet! So, I would like to credit three very good deeds I did.
These might all seem like small things, but as they say, God is in the details! =D
More to come tomorrow!
- Held an elevator door for a colleague at work
- Made a cashier smile today
- Helped my friend with his groceries
These might all seem like small things, but as they say, God is in the details! =D
More to come tomorrow!
#Reverb10: Dec. 9, 2010
December 9 – Party Prompt: Party. What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? Describe the people, music, food, drink, clothes, shenanigans. (Author: Shauna Reid)
I went to Montreal to visit my friends, Patrick and Montse. Although it was really a good time, there were lots of complications, as per usual. =) I think, though, they were happy to see me, and they had a really great time. I miss seeing them all the time, but it's good when friends you cherish all gather together in one place.
Wednesday, December 08, 2010
#Reverb10: Dec. 7, 2010
My attitude. I have been described as 'very predictable--with a dash of randomness." I like to think, even given horrible circumstances, that I'm generally a bright, positive happy person to be around. I have a quirky sense of humour, and I like making other people feel better. I like giving to other people. I know how to have fun. (Even if it's in a really boring way!) I can have fun playing cards, or visiting the museum, or doing math homework, or doing anything! =D
Also, I have been called weird.
...
I won't deny it! =D
Tuesday, December 07, 2010
#Reverb10: Dec. 7, 2010
December 7 – Community Prompt: Community. Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011? (Author: Cali Harris)
1) I have sort of joined this weird marketing/pr/social media community. It's a strange group of people, but they're generally really nice.
2) I think I would like to get back to groups that are more arts, non-profit and community-centred. I miss being around kids, youth, and youth programs.
1) I have sort of joined this weird marketing/pr/social media community. It's a strange group of people, but they're generally really nice.
2) I think I would like to get back to groups that are more arts, non-profit and community-centred. I miss being around kids, youth, and youth programs.
Monday, December 06, 2010
TOW: Doing Good
It's Christmas, and so I have been thinking a lot about the good that I can do in the world. Everyone says that Christmas is the time to give, and blah, blah, blah, but I mostly think people say that because other people say that.
So, I've decided, in a very, Alvin and the Chipmunks Christmas Special sort of way, that I want to chronicle it and make it make sense over Christmas. So, I've devoted the last 12 days of December before I return home to Saskatchewan as my 12 Days of Christmasly Good Deeds. I'll be sharing my experience of things I've decided to do for each day, and how it went. (Note: Some of them might not be successes. Sometimes charity goes awry, especially in TO, the city of the mentally maligned.)
I think I have succeeded in a lot of ways from pulling back and restoring 'me' since September, and that's a really good thing. But there's always room for more happiness in other people's lives, and that, in turn, makes me happy.
So, I've decided, in a very, Alvin and the Chipmunks Christmas Special sort of way, that I want to chronicle it and make it make sense over Christmas. So, I've devoted the last 12 days of December before I return home to Saskatchewan as my 12 Days of Christmasly Good Deeds. I'll be sharing my experience of things I've decided to do for each day, and how it went. (Note: Some of them might not be successes. Sometimes charity goes awry, especially in TO, the city of the mentally maligned.)
I think I have succeeded in a lot of ways from pulling back and restoring 'me' since September, and that's a really good thing. But there's always room for more happiness in other people's lives, and that, in turn, makes me happy.
#Reverb10: Dec. 6, 2010
December 6 – Make. What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it? (Author: Gretchen Rubin)
I have about a hundred recipes I've been meaning to try. Unfortunately, I don't cook for myself, generally speaking, so I'll have to wait until there is someone else who will eat what I make.
#Reverb10: Dec. 5, 2010
December 5 – Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why? (Author: Alice Bradley)
I spent most of this year letting go of other people's negative behaviours. You'd be surprised at how hard that is to accomplish.
#Reverb10: Dec. 4, 2010
December 4 – Wonder.
How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year?
(Author: Jeffrey Davis)
Mostly, I attract crazy people...and I have spent this pat year being surprised by how very different the world is through other people's eyes.
Friday, December 03, 2010
#Reverb10: Dec. 3, 2010
December 3 – Moment.
Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors).
(Author: Ali Edwards)
Nov. 1, 2010-I went to a friend's birthday party, and I ended up being the centre of comedy for the evening. Not everyone knew each other there, but I knew enough people that I didn't mind just saying whatever came to my mind, and had a really great time. Sometimes given the day-to-day rush of this city, I sometimes forget how funny I can be.
Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors).
(Author: Ali Edwards)
Nov. 1, 2010-I went to a friend's birthday party, and I ended up being the centre of comedy for the evening. Not everyone knew each other there, but I knew enough people that I didn't mind just saying whatever came to my mind, and had a really great time. Sometimes given the day-to-day rush of this city, I sometimes forget how funny I can be.
Thursday, December 02, 2010
#Reverb10: Dec. 2, 2010
December 2 Writing.
What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it?
(Author: Leo Babauta)
Feeling 'busy'--often when I feel 'busy' the last thing I want to do is sit down and write...even if that's what I'm supposed to be busy with.
Still Ill
Well, I just found out I have an intense sinus infection.
Although, I already knew that because my head has been pounding intensely for the past 2 days on the left side of my face. It hurt to walk today because I could feel the blood pounding in my face.
Now I'm on anti-biotics and a nasal spray. Awesome.
I have not been this sick in years. YEARS.
Although, I already knew that because my head has been pounding intensely for the past 2 days on the left side of my face. It hurt to walk today because I could feel the blood pounding in my face.
Now I'm on anti-biotics and a nasal spray. Awesome.
I have not been this sick in years. YEARS.
Wednesday, December 01, 2010
#Reverb10: Dec. 1, 2010
Hi all,
I'm participating in a writing challenge to blog once a day until the end of December. Each day I'm given a new topic. I'll include the topic and my responses below.
December 1 One Word.
Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?
(Author: Gwen Bell)
One word for 2010: Struggle
One word for 2011: Success
I'm participating in a writing challenge to blog once a day until the end of December. Each day I'm given a new topic. I'll include the topic and my responses below.
December 1 One Word.
Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?
(Author: Gwen Bell)
One word for 2010: Struggle
One word for 2011: Success
Sunday, November 28, 2010
TOW: Mercy Vs. Justice
So, this week has been a week of being ill, learning new things, and finding out my personality has changed from a kind and loving inspiring kind of person into a cold, ruthless leader. My friend Kevin put it best when he said, "You're still loving, and kind, and caring, but now you're out for blood as well. (insert winky smiley face)" Yeah, thanks, Kevin. *rolls eyes*
The one thing I did want to talk about in reference to this personality test, however, is one question that stumped me for a really long time, and still kind of hurts to think about, because it's oh-so-relevant in my life currently. The question read:
"Do you prefer justice or mercy?"
And I had to think about this for a long time--do I care about people, their circumstances, and their faults, and show mercy? Or be resolute, and punish and demand restitution? Which should you choose, when you have a choice to make between forgiving someone, and demanding reconciliation with law, truth, justice, etc.?
On a wider ethical scale, I think justice is the answer. After 9/11, I sort of snapped, when a Middle-Eastern woman was discovered with nitro-glycerin in her beauty products, which was supposed to blow up, along with her, in a giant jet over the ocean--which brought about a sweeping change in airport policies. All I could think, is what could a bunch of middle class and lower middle-class families have to do with some absurd jihad that they didn't even understand? And these people honestly believe they are doing good in the world by blowing up people's friends, families, and their neighbours? It just made me feel sick.
As I grow a bit older, I find that I am deeply, deeply saddened by events like this where masses of people are killed, often out of a very selfish act of one individual, or a group of individuals.
When it comes to my own life, however, I have often been accused, perhaps of being too mericful at times. And too forgiving. I think that's true. I guess I just don't hold actions against me, for the most part, as bad as most people do. Maybe it's the type of family life I had, maybe it's just that I'm extremely patient with people at times, or maybe I'm just nuts. (I haven't completely ruled out the third option just yet.)
In life, we all prefer to be either just or merciful. Some of us don't see the value in mercy, and others are bleeding hearts. I find my problem to be that I often sit on the fence, thinking about it for a very long time before I can decide...justice or mercy in my life.
On that survey, I clicked on justice. But in my personal life, I feel that what people need more than anything is mercy. Somewhere in the Bible it says, "You don't need to hand out justice--God does that."
And I suppose, that's sort of how I feel about being the judge of other people in my life.
But it's hard not to want to demand justice.
The one thing I did want to talk about in reference to this personality test, however, is one question that stumped me for a really long time, and still kind of hurts to think about, because it's oh-so-relevant in my life currently. The question read:
"Do you prefer justice or mercy?"
And I had to think about this for a long time--do I care about people, their circumstances, and their faults, and show mercy? Or be resolute, and punish and demand restitution? Which should you choose, when you have a choice to make between forgiving someone, and demanding reconciliation with law, truth, justice, etc.?
On a wider ethical scale, I think justice is the answer. After 9/11, I sort of snapped, when a Middle-Eastern woman was discovered with nitro-glycerin in her beauty products, which was supposed to blow up, along with her, in a giant jet over the ocean--which brought about a sweeping change in airport policies. All I could think, is what could a bunch of middle class and lower middle-class families have to do with some absurd jihad that they didn't even understand? And these people honestly believe they are doing good in the world by blowing up people's friends, families, and their neighbours? It just made me feel sick.
As I grow a bit older, I find that I am deeply, deeply saddened by events like this where masses of people are killed, often out of a very selfish act of one individual, or a group of individuals.
When it comes to my own life, however, I have often been accused, perhaps of being too mericful at times. And too forgiving. I think that's true. I guess I just don't hold actions against me, for the most part, as bad as most people do. Maybe it's the type of family life I had, maybe it's just that I'm extremely patient with people at times, or maybe I'm just nuts. (I haven't completely ruled out the third option just yet.)
In life, we all prefer to be either just or merciful. Some of us don't see the value in mercy, and others are bleeding hearts. I find my problem to be that I often sit on the fence, thinking about it for a very long time before I can decide...justice or mercy in my life.
On that survey, I clicked on justice. But in my personal life, I feel that what people need more than anything is mercy. Somewhere in the Bible it says, "You don't need to hand out justice--God does that."
And I suppose, that's sort of how I feel about being the judge of other people in my life.
But it's hard not to want to demand justice.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
VOW: Crows vs. Cat vs. Cat
This is pretty funny if you watch it all the way through. I'll have a TOW up on Sunday, I'm just still a bit to sick to do any serious writing.
Monday, November 22, 2010
My New Personality?
Woah, my Myers-Briggs personality changed. Apparently now I'm a control-freak???
The Executive-ENTJ
As an ENTJ, your primary mode of living is focused externally, where you deal with things rationally and logically. Your secondary mode is internal, where you take things in primarily via your intuition.
ENTJs are natural born leaders. They live in a world of possibilities where they see all sorts challenges to be surmounted, and they want to be the ones responsible for surmounting them. They have a drive for leadership, which is well-served by their quickness to grasp complexities, their ability to absorb a large amount of impersonal information, and their quick and decisive judgments. They are "take charge" people.
ENTJs are very career-focused, and fit into the corporate world quite naturally. They are constantly scanning their environment for potential problems which they can turn into solutions. They generally see things from a long-range perspective, and are usually successful at identifying plans to turn problems around - especially problems of a corporate nature. ENTJs are usually successful in the business world, because they are so driven to leadership. They're tireless in their efforts on the job, and driven to visualize where an organization is headed. For these reasons, they are natural corporate leaders.
There is not much room for error in the world of the ENTJ. They dislike to see mistakes repeated, and have no patience with inefficiency. They may become quite harsh when their patience is tried in these respects, because they are not naturally tuned in to people's feelings, and more than likely don't believe that they should tailor their judgments in consideration for people's feelings. ENTJs, like many types, have difficulty seeing things from outside their own perspective. Unlike other types, ENTJs naturally have little patience with people who do not see things the same way as the ENTJ. The ENTJ needs to consciously work on recognizing the value of other people's opinions, as well as the value of being sensitive towards people's feelings. In the absence of this awareness, the ENTJ will be a forceful, intimidating and overbearing individual. This may be a real problem for the ENTJ, who may be deprived of important information and collaboration from others. In their personal world, it can make some ENTJs overbearing as spouses or parents.
The ENTJ has a tremendous amount of personal power and presence which will work for them as a force towards achieving their goals. However, this personal power is also an agent of alienation and self-aggrandizement, which the ENTJ would do well to avoid.
ENTJs are very forceful, decisive individuals. They make decisions quickly, and are quick to verbalize their opinions and decisions to the rest of the world. The ENTJ who has not developed their Intuition will make decisions too hastily, without understanding all of the issues and possible solutions. On the other hand, an ENTJ who has not developed their Thinking side will have difficulty applying logic to their insights, and will often make poor decisions. In that case, they may have brilliant ideas and insight into situations, but they may have little skill at determining how to act upon their understanding, or their actions may be inconsistent. An ENTJ who has developed in a generally less than ideal way may become dictatorial and abrasive - intrusively giving orders and direction without a sound reason for doing so, and without consideration for the people involved.
Although ENTJs are not naturally tuned into other people's feelings, these individuals frequently have very strong sentimental streaks. Often these sentiments are very powerful to the ENTJ, although they will likely hide it from general knowledge, believing the feelings to be a weakness. Because the world of feelings and values is not where the ENTJ naturally functions, they may sometimes make value judgments and hold onto submerged emotions which are ill-founded and inappropriate, and will cause them problems - sometimes rather serious problems.
ENTJs love to interact with people. As Extroverts, they're energized and stimulated primarily externally. There's nothing more enjoyable and satisfying to the ENTJ than having a lively, challenging conversation. They especially respect people who are able to stand up to the ENTJ, and argue persuasively for their point of view. There aren't too many people who will do so, however, because the ENTJ is a very forceful and dynamic presence who has a tremendous amount of self-confidence and excellent verbal communication skills. Even the most confident individuals may experience moments of self-doubt when debating a point with an ENTJ.
ENTJs want their home to be beautiful, well-furnished, and efficiently run. They're likely to place much emphasis on their children being well-educated and structured, to desire a congenial and devoted relationship with their spouse. At home, the ENTJ needs to be in charge as much as he or she does in their career. The ENTJ is likely best paired with someone who has a strong self-image, who is also a Thinking type. Because the ENTJ is primarily focused on their careers, some ENTJs have a problem with being constantly absent from home, physically or mentally.
The ENTJ has many gifts which make it possible for them to have a great deal of personal power, if they don't forget to remain balanced in their lives. The are assertive, innovative, long-range thinkers with an excellent ability to translate theories and possibilities into solid plans of action. They are usually tremendously forceful personalities, and have the tools to accomplish whatever goals they set out for.
The Executive-ENTJ
As an ENTJ, your primary mode of living is focused externally, where you deal with things rationally and logically. Your secondary mode is internal, where you take things in primarily via your intuition.
ENTJs are natural born leaders. They live in a world of possibilities where they see all sorts challenges to be surmounted, and they want to be the ones responsible for surmounting them. They have a drive for leadership, which is well-served by their quickness to grasp complexities, their ability to absorb a large amount of impersonal information, and their quick and decisive judgments. They are "take charge" people.
ENTJs are very career-focused, and fit into the corporate world quite naturally. They are constantly scanning their environment for potential problems which they can turn into solutions. They generally see things from a long-range perspective, and are usually successful at identifying plans to turn problems around - especially problems of a corporate nature. ENTJs are usually successful in the business world, because they are so driven to leadership. They're tireless in their efforts on the job, and driven to visualize where an organization is headed. For these reasons, they are natural corporate leaders.
There is not much room for error in the world of the ENTJ. They dislike to see mistakes repeated, and have no patience with inefficiency. They may become quite harsh when their patience is tried in these respects, because they are not naturally tuned in to people's feelings, and more than likely don't believe that they should tailor their judgments in consideration for people's feelings. ENTJs, like many types, have difficulty seeing things from outside their own perspective. Unlike other types, ENTJs naturally have little patience with people who do not see things the same way as the ENTJ. The ENTJ needs to consciously work on recognizing the value of other people's opinions, as well as the value of being sensitive towards people's feelings. In the absence of this awareness, the ENTJ will be a forceful, intimidating and overbearing individual. This may be a real problem for the ENTJ, who may be deprived of important information and collaboration from others. In their personal world, it can make some ENTJs overbearing as spouses or parents.
The ENTJ has a tremendous amount of personal power and presence which will work for them as a force towards achieving their goals. However, this personal power is also an agent of alienation and self-aggrandizement, which the ENTJ would do well to avoid.
ENTJs are very forceful, decisive individuals. They make decisions quickly, and are quick to verbalize their opinions and decisions to the rest of the world. The ENTJ who has not developed their Intuition will make decisions too hastily, without understanding all of the issues and possible solutions. On the other hand, an ENTJ who has not developed their Thinking side will have difficulty applying logic to their insights, and will often make poor decisions. In that case, they may have brilliant ideas and insight into situations, but they may have little skill at determining how to act upon their understanding, or their actions may be inconsistent. An ENTJ who has developed in a generally less than ideal way may become dictatorial and abrasive - intrusively giving orders and direction without a sound reason for doing so, and without consideration for the people involved.
Although ENTJs are not naturally tuned into other people's feelings, these individuals frequently have very strong sentimental streaks. Often these sentiments are very powerful to the ENTJ, although they will likely hide it from general knowledge, believing the feelings to be a weakness. Because the world of feelings and values is not where the ENTJ naturally functions, they may sometimes make value judgments and hold onto submerged emotions which are ill-founded and inappropriate, and will cause them problems - sometimes rather serious problems.
ENTJs love to interact with people. As Extroverts, they're energized and stimulated primarily externally. There's nothing more enjoyable and satisfying to the ENTJ than having a lively, challenging conversation. They especially respect people who are able to stand up to the ENTJ, and argue persuasively for their point of view. There aren't too many people who will do so, however, because the ENTJ is a very forceful and dynamic presence who has a tremendous amount of self-confidence and excellent verbal communication skills. Even the most confident individuals may experience moments of self-doubt when debating a point with an ENTJ.
ENTJs want their home to be beautiful, well-furnished, and efficiently run. They're likely to place much emphasis on their children being well-educated and structured, to desire a congenial and devoted relationship with their spouse. At home, the ENTJ needs to be in charge as much as he or she does in their career. The ENTJ is likely best paired with someone who has a strong self-image, who is also a Thinking type. Because the ENTJ is primarily focused on their careers, some ENTJs have a problem with being constantly absent from home, physically or mentally.
The ENTJ has many gifts which make it possible for them to have a great deal of personal power, if they don't forget to remain balanced in their lives. The are assertive, innovative, long-range thinkers with an excellent ability to translate theories and possibilities into solid plans of action. They are usually tremendously forceful personalities, and have the tools to accomplish whatever goals they set out for.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Thursday, November 18, 2010
World Philosophy Day
A really interesting article got featured in the Ottawa Citzen saying that we shouldn't care about World Philosophy Day. I wrote a reply to the Ottawa Citzen. I got a call saying I was being considered for the Letter section, but apparently smart meters and some 36 word opinion about helicopters in the area were more important. Well, either way, I'll post it here, since I worked on it! =)
Don't Diss World Philosophy Day: It Serves a Purpose
I take issue with Dr. Snedon's article on World Philosophy Day (Nov. 16 'World philosophy day? No thanks'). Somewhat alarmingly, the author thinks that it's ok for professional philosophers to take for granted the one day the world actually recognizes the importance of philosophy in science, education and culture.
Besides the questionable attitude of calling an observance of your own discipline and career "lame," perhaps it would interest Dr. Sneddon to know that UNESCO has cancelled the World Philosophy Day event that was to be held in Tehran, Iran?
That's because a number of countries and professional philosophers protested that Iran does not allow the intellectual freedom or academic standards that Western philosophers enjoy every day. Students and academia are regularly persecuted in politically unstable parts of the world.
For example, Iranian student Abdollah Yousefzadegan was in solitary confinement for 95 days for being involved in an election protest. He was taken from his own home and transported to jail. How does an elite student and the gold medal winner in the National Literature Olympiads end up in prison without charges? He apparently waived his rights to freedom for expressing his ideas and being part of a government-targeted intellectual group. Look where critical thinking and action got him.
Doesn't this sort of unacceptable ethical, moral, and political behaviour demand a day for the discipline that loves wisdom?
Philosophy, and critical thinking in general, is required for the betterment of human society. I wish Dr. Sneddon had not taken the approach that people “probably don’t care” about World Philosophy Day. That’s not the point. We need a day to remember that some people and societies crack down on intellectuals, and there is no better way to do that than to mark a cultural distinction for the one discipline that many trample on, but few understand.
Don't Diss World Philosophy Day: It Serves a Purpose
I take issue with Dr. Snedon's article on World Philosophy Day (Nov. 16 'World philosophy day? No thanks'). Somewhat alarmingly, the author thinks that it's ok for professional philosophers to take for granted the one day the world actually recognizes the importance of philosophy in science, education and culture.
Besides the questionable attitude of calling an observance of your own discipline and career "lame," perhaps it would interest Dr. Sneddon to know that UNESCO has cancelled the World Philosophy Day event that was to be held in Tehran, Iran?
That's because a number of countries and professional philosophers protested that Iran does not allow the intellectual freedom or academic standards that Western philosophers enjoy every day. Students and academia are regularly persecuted in politically unstable parts of the world.
For example, Iranian student Abdollah Yousefzadegan was in solitary confinement for 95 days for being involved in an election protest. He was taken from his own home and transported to jail. How does an elite student and the gold medal winner in the National Literature Olympiads end up in prison without charges? He apparently waived his rights to freedom for expressing his ideas and being part of a government-targeted intellectual group. Look where critical thinking and action got him.
Doesn't this sort of unacceptable ethical, moral, and political behaviour demand a day for the discipline that loves wisdom?
Philosophy, and critical thinking in general, is required for the betterment of human society. I wish Dr. Sneddon had not taken the approach that people “probably don’t care” about World Philosophy Day. That’s not the point. We need a day to remember that some people and societies crack down on intellectuals, and there is no better way to do that than to mark a cultural distinction for the one discipline that many trample on, but few understand.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Kim and Brennan
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Saturday, November 06, 2010
Sunday, October 31, 2010
TOW: Family
I've had a rough couple weeks with being sick and all, and I have been pretty lucky because my family checked in on me. And I have been thinking a lot about the various kinds of relationships in my life, and which ones are good, which ones are ok, and which ones seem to do nothing but invite disaster in my life. (I'm trying to remedy that number. Eh heh.) What I have been thinking about this week is all about family, and all about how much my family matters to me.
You know, it's times like this that I think of Aristotle. (Which is rare, because most days I choose not to think about Aristotle. Not a fan, I guess.) He had some really great ideas about the oikos, or 'family household' that still translate across the ages. Artistotle said that the family was the building block for all society. It allows people to become members of the polis (city-state) because it's the basic unit required for good living in a larger community. In essence, society can't exist without families. And, in a way, neither can we. The family comes even before the individual, because you need a group of people to acknowledge roles and places in society. (Now, I'm paraphrasing a bit, eh heh.)
Anyways!
More importantly, I think it's important to remember how valuable it is to have a family, no matter how big, or how small. Families can change, grow closer, move apart, but more than anything, families will always, in their own way, accept you for who you are, and help you when you really need it. (Not necessarily when we always want it, but hey. Can't always win.)
No group, organization, or other sort of group can replace your family. They are yours for life, and their history and accomplishments are part of your successes, accomplishments, and happiness. Of course, on the flip side, their negatives, their failures, and their inability to love at times is also part of your identity.
I really am lucky to have the family I have, even though it's not always perfect, and many times, it's pretty complicated. But on the bright side of all that, I am lucky to have a family that is built on loving people in their own way.
You know, it's times like this that I think of Aristotle. (Which is rare, because most days I choose not to think about Aristotle. Not a fan, I guess.) He had some really great ideas about the oikos, or 'family household' that still translate across the ages. Artistotle said that the family was the building block for all society. It allows people to become members of the polis (city-state) because it's the basic unit required for good living in a larger community. In essence, society can't exist without families. And, in a way, neither can we. The family comes even before the individual, because you need a group of people to acknowledge roles and places in society. (Now, I'm paraphrasing a bit, eh heh.)
Anyways!
More importantly, I think it's important to remember how valuable it is to have a family, no matter how big, or how small. Families can change, grow closer, move apart, but more than anything, families will always, in their own way, accept you for who you are, and help you when you really need it. (Not necessarily when we always want it, but hey. Can't always win.)
No group, organization, or other sort of group can replace your family. They are yours for life, and their history and accomplishments are part of your successes, accomplishments, and happiness. Of course, on the flip side, their negatives, their failures, and their inability to love at times is also part of your identity.
I really am lucky to have the family I have, even though it's not always perfect, and many times, it's pretty complicated. But on the bright side of all that, I am lucky to have a family that is built on loving people in their own way.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Zombies!
In honour of Halloween this weekend, here are highlights from the Zombie Walk that goes on in Toronto. It's an international event where people dress up as zombies and walk around downtown, pretending to be undead. Cute! It's a really fun, community oriented event, and you really feel like you're in a movie!
This girl really creeped me out. She walked right up to me, and just kind of stood there.
For some reason I love this guy's costume!
I think this was the best shot I took all day. =)
I LOVED THIS GUY! =D
Party on, dude.
There were so many zombies/people. This was the crowd for about an hour, walking by like this. Insane!
I like this photo as well.
This is one disgruntled librarian! Brains!
This is a local joke. You can't read the sign, but it says, "Rob Ford for Mayor." He's now the Mayor of Toronto, and very divisive as a politician.
I thought this girl gave a really great 'look.'
Hipster zombies! Only in Toronto's Queen West!
Princess zombies. I saw a Mario zombie somewhere, but I haven't found the picture yet. =/
Errr, hi.
I loved these gals! Great idea!
This was hilarious! I have no idea where she found the body bag! (Or how she walked around in it for several hours???)
Gumby poses with Jesus. Apparently the Second Coming isn't as nice as one would think. =/
This was gross. The girl literally drank blood in front of me and poured it all over her and smiled. I have it on video, it's terrifying!
And this guy must have been hungry, because he was chewing that hand the entire walk, I think.
Crazy! I loved it! =D
Monday, October 25, 2010
TOW: Sometimes We All Think Too Much
You ever have that feeling that you've thought about something so much, you've walked around some problem in your life so often, that all of a sudden the track you were running now seems like a giant rut? You, my friend, are a victim of your own thinking. You've thought about something frontways, sideways, backwards, forwards, and now it's time to let it go.
Only you can't. Your wheels are spinning. You suddenly worry, did all that thinking do me any good? Or have I made a bad habit out of lamenting something in my past?
I have been reading Nietzche commentary lately and an idea of Nietzche's is the concept of tragedy and pleasure. Nietzsche says that we have a contradictory attitude towards pleasure--we often want pleasure to be repeated, or to experience a moment of pleasure just a little bit longer.
And sometimes we get stuck. Because we can think about things we used to love--or love to hate--in the past. Our past becomes part of our present, our future, and shapes our thinking. What Nietzsche is saying (minus a bunch of philosophical concepts that don't apply here) is that our ability to think about pleasure is often what causes us pain. We want to will pleasure into the future. Who hasn't wished for one more day in their own personal version of paradise? Who doesn't wish for the idea of a blessed eternal life?
It's here that Nietzche says, "Have you ever said Yes to a single joy? O my friends, than you have said Yes too to all woe. All things are entangled, ensnared, enamoured-; if you ever wanted one thing twice, if ever you said, 'You please me, happiness! Abide, moment!' then you wanted all back...for all joy wills eternity."
I often think that we often wish for pleasures from the past to revisit us in the future. We say things like, "If only the amount of sex, money, fame, popularity, youth, energy, etc. visited me in the future like it has in the past, I could be truly, truly be happy."
And this is the trap, because happiness is an act of will 75% of the time. The rest of the time, it's a set of circumstances. Most of us don't get the circumstances that equate happiness. Most of us don't get the sunset ending.
Happiness is a state of thinking. Thinking provides us with the answer, but also the trap. We can get stuck in the past, because the past is beautiful in our eyes. But often much more painful than we remember. And we transfer that pain into loss and nostalgia, something Nietzsche councilled against--because otherwise we have a kind of sad eternity, where we only experience the same things, the same patterns, again and again, which is to accept pleasure and all the pain that comes with it. We fall into a trap where life is pain, mitigated by sessions of pleasure. Not very pleasant.
Sometimes we kick an issue in our head until it's dead and bleeding. Sometimes an issue kicks us until we feel like we are dead and bleeding.
And there might not be an answer to any of that, except that the past belongs there--in the past. I'm sure, always sure that we can build a better future, no matter what the circumstances.
But don't think too hard about it. Eh heh.
Only you can't. Your wheels are spinning. You suddenly worry, did all that thinking do me any good? Or have I made a bad habit out of lamenting something in my past?
I have been reading Nietzche commentary lately and an idea of Nietzche's is the concept of tragedy and pleasure. Nietzsche says that we have a contradictory attitude towards pleasure--we often want pleasure to be repeated, or to experience a moment of pleasure just a little bit longer.
And sometimes we get stuck. Because we can think about things we used to love--or love to hate--in the past. Our past becomes part of our present, our future, and shapes our thinking. What Nietzsche is saying (minus a bunch of philosophical concepts that don't apply here) is that our ability to think about pleasure is often what causes us pain. We want to will pleasure into the future. Who hasn't wished for one more day in their own personal version of paradise? Who doesn't wish for the idea of a blessed eternal life?
It's here that Nietzche says, "Have you ever said Yes to a single joy? O my friends, than you have said Yes too to all woe. All things are entangled, ensnared, enamoured-; if you ever wanted one thing twice, if ever you said, 'You please me, happiness! Abide, moment!' then you wanted all back...for all joy wills eternity."
I often think that we often wish for pleasures from the past to revisit us in the future. We say things like, "If only the amount of sex, money, fame, popularity, youth, energy, etc. visited me in the future like it has in the past, I could be truly, truly be happy."
And this is the trap, because happiness is an act of will 75% of the time. The rest of the time, it's a set of circumstances. Most of us don't get the circumstances that equate happiness. Most of us don't get the sunset ending.
Happiness is a state of thinking. Thinking provides us with the answer, but also the trap. We can get stuck in the past, because the past is beautiful in our eyes. But often much more painful than we remember. And we transfer that pain into loss and nostalgia, something Nietzsche councilled against--because otherwise we have a kind of sad eternity, where we only experience the same things, the same patterns, again and again, which is to accept pleasure and all the pain that comes with it. We fall into a trap where life is pain, mitigated by sessions of pleasure. Not very pleasant.
Sometimes we kick an issue in our head until it's dead and bleeding. Sometimes an issue kicks us until we feel like we are dead and bleeding.
And there might not be an answer to any of that, except that the past belongs there--in the past. I'm sure, always sure that we can build a better future, no matter what the circumstances.
But don't think too hard about it. Eh heh.
Monday, October 18, 2010
TOW: Friends
I went to Montreal this weekend and managed to see old friends, and make some new friends. Maybe it was the place, maybe it was the time, maybe it was the company. Ah, Montreal. Je l'aime.
I went to Montreal with the intention of seeing friends, and that's the best feeling in the world, knowing you're going somewhere to see someone (or someones) you care about in a big, big way.
I guess this week I have really been thinking about how good it is to have good people in your life, and to be surrounded by them. Life wouln't be the same without friends. And good friends.
I'm glad I have a few here and there.
I went to Montreal with the intention of seeing friends, and that's the best feeling in the world, knowing you're going somewhere to see someone (or someones) you care about in a big, big way.
I guess this week I have really been thinking about how good it is to have good people in your life, and to be surrounded by them. Life wouln't be the same without friends. And good friends.
I'm glad I have a few here and there.
VOW: Modelgeddon
I thought this was so amazing I wanted to share it with all of you. Actually, I love the title more than anything. Who else but Versace could have MODELGEDDON??!?!
Monday, October 11, 2010
TOW: Thankful
I usually do holiday inspired posts, and this one is no different. I have been thinking a lot about what I am thankful for these days. Which, sometimes I feel like it isn't much, but my life has definitely things that are working in it.
1) I have managed to cut a lot of drama out of my life. Surprisingly.
2) I have made time for family.
3) I have made time for friends.
4) I have made time for hobbies and activities I enjoy.
And sometimes it's things like that that make the difference. More than anything, I'm thankful for my family, and for all the good things life has provided me with. I am very lucky to have the parents I have, crazy as they may be. I'm sure I'm no better. And while nothing's ever perfect, I'm still happy I have the good things in my life that I have.
1) I have managed to cut a lot of drama out of my life. Surprisingly.
2) I have made time for family.
3) I have made time for friends.
4) I have made time for hobbies and activities I enjoy.
And sometimes it's things like that that make the difference. More than anything, I'm thankful for my family, and for all the good things life has provided me with. I am very lucky to have the parents I have, crazy as they may be. I'm sure I'm no better. And while nothing's ever perfect, I'm still happy I have the good things in my life that I have.
Saturday, October 09, 2010
Monday, October 04, 2010
TOW: Self-Reliance
Lately, I have been feeling good. Which is a nice, pleasant change from feeling stressed about the future, and finances, and jobs, and sleep, and friends, and haunting items from the past that always seems to follow mearound when I least expect them. (And for some reason, the past always seems to show up in my life when I least expect it. Sort of like the leftovers in the back of your fridge that have been there, forgotten, for three weeks.)
The tough thing about being grown-up, really grown-up, is the idea of self-reliance, being able to be stable no matter what happens. Self-reliance, to me, means being able to adjust to new hardships being able to spend quality time with yourself, and really love being with you, even when you screw up. It means accepting who you are, with or without all the things people tell you are valuable to have and cherish in this lifetime.
As people grow older, there are fewer relationships maintained in your adult life. This happens because a) people start getting married b) people move away c) people start dying. And all of those options can make life more difficult and change your world of relationships and social happiness. As an adult, you become accustomed to people changing, and changing in big ways. And those changes aren't just changes for them, they are changes for you, as well. Your social web can change you if you're not careful.
Rely on yourself. Be your own pillar of strength. Never rely on anyone, never trust anyone more than yourself. You will always be putting your own self-value at risk. I speak from personal experience...I have spent the last couple years thinking that being in Canada means that I can rely on people in a different way than when I lived in Belgium. What I have realized, more than anything, is that I had more the right idea there, than here. It always felt good to be able to do things for myself, by myself. It feels good to do those things, so it shouldn't make you, or me, ever feel lonely or isolated. Life is meant to be lived alone. You share your life, but only you life your life.
Self-reliance means knnowng that if the entire world crumbles, you won't crumble with it. And, there are times in life when we feel on top of the world, and there are times when we're down in the lowest valley of our lives. But our goodness, our strength isn't how much we prove to others how successful we are, or how much we follow other people's ideas about how we live our lives, but it's about how much we live in the way we were mean to live. Living well.
And that means believing in ourselves, first. More than anything.
The tough thing about being grown-up, really grown-up, is the idea of self-reliance, being able to be stable no matter what happens. Self-reliance, to me, means being able to adjust to new hardships being able to spend quality time with yourself, and really love being with you, even when you screw up. It means accepting who you are, with or without all the things people tell you are valuable to have and cherish in this lifetime.
As people grow older, there are fewer relationships maintained in your adult life. This happens because a) people start getting married b) people move away c) people start dying. And all of those options can make life more difficult and change your world of relationships and social happiness. As an adult, you become accustomed to people changing, and changing in big ways. And those changes aren't just changes for them, they are changes for you, as well. Your social web can change you if you're not careful.
Rely on yourself. Be your own pillar of strength. Never rely on anyone, never trust anyone more than yourself. You will always be putting your own self-value at risk. I speak from personal experience...I have spent the last couple years thinking that being in Canada means that I can rely on people in a different way than when I lived in Belgium. What I have realized, more than anything, is that I had more the right idea there, than here. It always felt good to be able to do things for myself, by myself. It feels good to do those things, so it shouldn't make you, or me, ever feel lonely or isolated. Life is meant to be lived alone. You share your life, but only you life your life.
Self-reliance means knnowng that if the entire world crumbles, you won't crumble with it. And, there are times in life when we feel on top of the world, and there are times when we're down in the lowest valley of our lives. But our goodness, our strength isn't how much we prove to others how successful we are, or how much we follow other people's ideas about how we live our lives, but it's about how much we live in the way we were mean to live. Living well.
And that means believing in ourselves, first. More than anything.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
TOW: Maybe It's Me
You know, my friend Chris and I have long talks involving the phrase, "Maybe It's Me." You know this phrase. It's that moment, almost straight out of every bad romantic comedy, where the protagonist finally falls to pieces, and whatever cute lie/hilarious scenario they were involved in, (often in hopes of making someone love them) has finally let itself out of the bag, and the main character can only stand there and say, "Man, I screwed up."
It's that lightbulb moment where the main character finally decides, wow...maybe it IS me. The problem...it's me.
I have been spending a lot of time lately trying to cut those moments out of my life. I have had a bit of a rollercoaster over the last 4-6 months of my life, a lot of uncertainty, and more than anything, a feeling of "Wow, I screwed up," seems to have followed me around for the last little while. I have finally gotten to the moment in my personal romantic (well non-romantic) comedy where I've realized I'm starting to do and be things that aren't really me. It's SO not maybe me. It is me.
The answer to all this is, of course, that life goes on, even after you screw up. And the beauty of screwing up is that, hopefully, you learn some kind of lesson that can change you for the better without changing all the positive things about yourself you have come to love, over and over again.
But, like most things in life, there's no easy answer. There's never enough of what you need, when you need it to keep you satisfied with your personal self. And, even when there is, there's always something just around the corner to rain on your parade and start the whole process over again. We never seem to escape, and even if we could, we probably wouldn't. We seem to love our own personal dramas.
But maybe it's just me.
It's that lightbulb moment where the main character finally decides, wow...maybe it IS me. The problem...it's me.
I have been spending a lot of time lately trying to cut those moments out of my life. I have had a bit of a rollercoaster over the last 4-6 months of my life, a lot of uncertainty, and more than anything, a feeling of "Wow, I screwed up," seems to have followed me around for the last little while. I have finally gotten to the moment in my personal romantic (well non-romantic) comedy where I've realized I'm starting to do and be things that aren't really me. It's SO not maybe me. It is me.
The answer to all this is, of course, that life goes on, even after you screw up. And the beauty of screwing up is that, hopefully, you learn some kind of lesson that can change you for the better without changing all the positive things about yourself you have come to love, over and over again.
But, like most things in life, there's no easy answer. There's never enough of what you need, when you need it to keep you satisfied with your personal self. And, even when there is, there's always something just around the corner to rain on your parade and start the whole process over again. We never seem to escape, and even if we could, we probably wouldn't. We seem to love our own personal dramas.
But maybe it's just me.
VOW: Pacman Ghosts Discuss TV
This is exactly how I feel when people talk about tv around me. I can't embed it, but follow the link.
Monday, September 06, 2010
TOW: Downgrading
This has been one of the strangest weeks I think I've had in a while. I just moved, I start my new internship and new job over the next two weeks, and it's my birthday in two days. I have seen people I didn't expect to see, met people I didn't expect to meet, and said and had things said to me I didn't expect to hear over the last week. And through all of it, I keep thinking, "How much of this is valuable in my life? What am I doing right, and what needs to change?" This, my friends, has been a week of downgrading.
A lot of changes have happened recently. I'm changing gyms, and I now take the streetcar instead of the bus. I live in an Asian neighbourhood compared to a Greek neighbourhood. I have a giant bag of clothes I'm throwing away. I now have a gas stove instead electric. (Believe me, the last one was a definite downgrade.)
I have been thinking, since the last two to three weeks have gone by that I need to make a lot of changes in my life, and most of those changes have to do with wanting less, not wanting more. I have spent a long time now, running after things that don't matter, and getting involved in problems that don't matter. And I have spent some of this year ignoring and, I think, hurting people close to me that do matter. Part of this 'downgrade' is to start making time for things and people that matter, and cutting off the excesses that primarly seem to be ruining my life.
I think I expected that after I was done my post-graduate program my life could finally begin. Like, I had made a choice, it was going to all work out the way I planned, and I was going to have the life I always wanted and dreamed of, better than ever. I was going to so-called 'make it,' and then everything would be a ride into the sunset. (I'm still waiting for that sunset.)
The rude awakening for me came when I realized that you can't rely on other people or circumstances to work out the way you planned, and often those things you value and treasure have a way of disappearing when you think you need them. It's life's way of saying that you have things in your life that must change, even if sometimes you aren't completely ready to face those changes. There is not any one point where your life can begin...it's already happening, all the time.
The rule of life always is simplify, simplify, simplify. But, I need to do more than that. I need to really, honestly change. Because I'm pretty sure the person I used to be would regret the person I have become, because the old me wouldn't let failure bother them, they would breeze right through it. And part of the reason you downgrade, is so that your personality doesn't get a downgrade, either. Sometimes you have to give away things you wish worked, so that you can find something that makes sense again.
And that's how I feel about downgrading this week.
A lot of changes have happened recently. I'm changing gyms, and I now take the streetcar instead of the bus. I live in an Asian neighbourhood compared to a Greek neighbourhood. I have a giant bag of clothes I'm throwing away. I now have a gas stove instead electric. (Believe me, the last one was a definite downgrade.)
I have been thinking, since the last two to three weeks have gone by that I need to make a lot of changes in my life, and most of those changes have to do with wanting less, not wanting more. I have spent a long time now, running after things that don't matter, and getting involved in problems that don't matter. And I have spent some of this year ignoring and, I think, hurting people close to me that do matter. Part of this 'downgrade' is to start making time for things and people that matter, and cutting off the excesses that primarly seem to be ruining my life.
I think I expected that after I was done my post-graduate program my life could finally begin. Like, I had made a choice, it was going to all work out the way I planned, and I was going to have the life I always wanted and dreamed of, better than ever. I was going to so-called 'make it,' and then everything would be a ride into the sunset. (I'm still waiting for that sunset.)
The rude awakening for me came when I realized that you can't rely on other people or circumstances to work out the way you planned, and often those things you value and treasure have a way of disappearing when you think you need them. It's life's way of saying that you have things in your life that must change, even if sometimes you aren't completely ready to face those changes. There is not any one point where your life can begin...it's already happening, all the time.
The rule of life always is simplify, simplify, simplify. But, I need to do more than that. I need to really, honestly change. Because I'm pretty sure the person I used to be would regret the person I have become, because the old me wouldn't let failure bother them, they would breeze right through it. And part of the reason you downgrade, is so that your personality doesn't get a downgrade, either. Sometimes you have to give away things you wish worked, so that you can find something that makes sense again.
And that's how I feel about downgrading this week.
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