Being Thankful

 This is a late Thanksgiving post, but I have a lot to be thankful for.  

And, when I think of it, I didn't think that I did before Thanksgiving.  But sometimes you just need a wake-up call, and I feel like I got one, by getting into a bike accident. 

 

 

There's nothing like a near serious moment to make you remember what's important.  It could have been a lot worse, thankfully it was most minor cuts and bruises and a ripped grocery bag..

• I'm thankful for Alex, who always puts a smile on my face, and is my support when I need it.  Also we make lots of fun meals and laugh together!
• I'm thankful for close friends like Liz and Alexia and Sarah who add sunshine to my life and are a great support network
• I'm thankful I'm healthy, I have a roof over my head, my family is well
• I'm so, so lucky to have such a good circle around me.  It's something more than I could ever expect as an adult
• I'm happy I have friends all over the world...people I think about and care about all the time. 

 

Although not every year feels like it has everything in it, I'm still glad this year has been, in it's own way, one with more ups than downs.

Goals before my birthday

 I still have some time before my birthday, but well, I found my old goal list from the last 6 months.  So, here's a summary:

• Out of 27 goals, I have accomplished 9 of them, which sounds bad, but it isn't!  Some of them were very long goals.  (eg. complete two courses on animation...I taught myself how to animate via computer programs the last six months)
• 5 of those goals I look at now, and they're not priorities.  So, it's really a 22 goals list
• Out of those 15 goals left on the list, 5 of those are in process.  And one of them is pretty much completed with this blog post...post more blog posts! :)
• The ones that are left of the 10 goals, I would say half were 'moonshot' (long term) and 5 were 'fun goals' - fun to complete if I had time or if the mood struck me

 

So overall, I feel I did really good!  A lot of my goals in the past six months have been about expressing my creativity, and finding how to work more time for art and reading into my life...which has been really good!  These are really healthy hobbies that help me feel good about myself, even if I'm not a great artist.  (Nor will I ever be, and that's perfectly fine with me.)

 I will probably make another list of goals before 40 GASP...choke....ugh, I can barely say it!!!! But I will certainly look at my personal goals again in a year from now.  

 

 

St. Marie Among the Hurons and other adventures

 Today Liz and I went and visited St. Marie up by Penetanguishene.  It was a reconstructed pioneer settlement that feature Wendat and French Jesuit history.

 

 The inside was a bunch of small buildings that they tried their best to resconstruct after the settlement was burned to the ground.  (And I can see how...the wooden building had lit fires everywhere, even today!)

 

 

This was the longboat house that was filled with smoke.  I almost had an asthma attack!  It was like I ended up in a bingo hall from the 90s.

We went across the road to visit the Canadian Martyr's Shrine.  Wow, there were tons, and TONS of tourists there.

I enjoyed the outside of the building, but there were a lot of things that I found a bit strange there (like the 17 life-sized prayer rosary circles, it was just odd to me.) but on the bright side, I bought a new wooden rosary that says it comes from Bethlehem.  Who knows if it's true, but it's really nice!

Afterwards, Liz and I went and found the first location of a Catholic Mass in Ontario.  I think this was more what I was expecting when I visited the Martyr's Shrine.

It was very peaceful and out of the way.  Afterwards we had dinner with Alex, and just generally it was a good time.  What a fun day!

Camping

 

 

We went camping this past weekend.  Some highlights:

 

• Sarah's dog got sprayed by a skunk, so she had to go home and get the dog groomed the first day of our trip
• We ate very well!

 

• I read two whole books while we were there.  This was mainly because our planned afternoon activity (swimming) was a big no because there was an ecoli warning in the water. 
• It was really hot, but thankfully could sleep most nights.  Except for the last night, Liz's air mattress deflated.

Overall, it was a really fun time, and a really nice getaway.  I just like being around trees, in a forest.  It gives me a feeling of calmness.  

Bye, bye Beatrice Street

 

 

 

Where I lived for 6...7...8 years??  I don't even remember at this point.  I think I moved here in 2014, shortly after Alex and I started dating.  I have many positive memories from living here.

 

This desk is where I spent many, many days and nights doing creative work, or during the pandemic, spending time with people online.  I got really used to that slanted ceiling!

 

 

 

 

It sounds so silly, but I can't believe how much time I spent in this one little room, especially over the last 2-3 years of the global pandemic! Some highlights from living at Beatrice:

 

• The neighbours next door would have screaming matches at least once a month.  I knew a lot more about them than I thought I would ever know about my neighbours.  When their kid was still a baby, I would get woken up by crying in the middle of the night. 
  
• When anyone used the kitchen, all the heat would go to my room.  The top floor was an extra five degrees hotter than the rest of the house.  Adding evening meal prep to the evening sun in the summer, and it was like living in an oven
• If I turned on the window a/c, the room would vibrate. The landlord upped the cost of the laundry machines to $3 per wash and per dry after I started using an a/c unit.  (Was still worth it!)
• In the summer, I woke up many times with bugs in my bed, from the window in the summer. Usually a beetle or spider.  
• In the winter, the walls were so cold the paint would crack. There was no insulation in the house, and I bought a heated blanket, which was the best purchase I made after the a/c unit.
• I had a total of 12 roommates over this whole time of living here, 3 different ones at a time. There was a golden age of living with Celine, Brad and Nathaniel that made me very happy...I have so much love for them. The next best was living with Julie and Roberto, and for a time, Simon.

 

Us at Igor and Celine's Wedding. Igor in the background, to the right

 

• I had one roommate who said I typed too loudly....and complained that my phone calls bothered them and they couldn't focus on studying.  I got a pad for my chair, and then they complained that my chair still bothered them because it creaked. They also said they wanted to get a cleaner for the house and everyone to pitch in...when they were the messiest person in the house.  I also couldn't use the kitchen...because their meal prep took around 2-3 hours per day, and the fridge was always full of vegetables because they need fresh produce all the time.
  
• I had one roommate who gave everyone the evil eye, and I think was honestly really depressed.  They left their hair everywhere, and I regularly did all their dishes.  They still gave me the evil eye.  When they left, they dumped all their garbage on the lawn, and it got rained upon, leaving a sopping mess. I had to pay for special garbage bags to get rid of the mess they left.
• One roommate had an issue with alcohol, and left in the middle of December for another country. Their car was towed...they just left it on the street when they left Canada.  It sat there for over three months.
• The worst time I had was when I couldn't sleep for about six months last year more than 4 hours. One roommate went to bed at 3am, and one got up at 5am.  In between this, the people in the basement played drumming around 12am-1am.  I invested in very expensive ear plugs, which I learned, were really unpleasant to sleep with.
• I created a really sweet patio set up, and we regularly did really cool Halloween things.  One Halloween, a kid asked to come in the house to see it. He said it used to belong to his grandma, and he just wanted to see what it looked like inside one more time.
• The guys in the basement had cats, and one year they moved their cat litter right next to the air vents in the heat of summer.  I have never pleaded with someone more over text message to move cat litter for the good of my sanity.
• One year, a large animal died in the wall between the two houses in the middle of a very hot summer. Every time you walked into the kitchen, it smelled like rotting fish for two weeks.  The landlord's assistant said just to wait until all the flesh decomposed enough, the smell would go away.  (They apparently didn't care that there were animals in the walls)
• I lived right next to a 24 hour grocery store a five minute walk away. One of my favourite things to do (In my early 30s, I could never now) was to walk the store at 1am, and buy a bag of chips, and watch a show until 3am.
  

Despite all this, this was one of the best places I have ever lived.  I previously had been living alone, in two separate basement apartment, both which flooded.  This place was a chance to live with people, and find good people, and it turned out really well for me...I made lifelong friends.  When I first walked in, I had such a good feeling...and that good feeling turned out to be true.  It had a double sink, a dishwasher, and I could live on the top floor, which I happily did.

It wasn't a castle, but it was the next best thing to me.  And the rent was cheap, too.

 

The time to be the person we are meant to be

 

Time...there is never enough time.

 

I will never be an amazing painter.  In fact, I will never be an even decent painter!  I'm not sad to admit it...painting well requires a patience I don't have. It's fun, but I don't plan to ever be better than what 3 grade finger painting level.

But there are many activities, many version of myself, that I often shy away from, because it would require real effort into the things I really am good at.  The things that I dream about being.  As Alex would say, 'You want to be a writer, a poet, a director, a dancer, a musician....' because sometimes, I have too many projects on the go, and maybe not enough of them get done to completion.

But often I find in doing one creative project, I turn towards another thing, where I'm lacking a skill that would make my current project easier, and so on it goes.  The work of a creative person, or someone who enjoys 'the arts' never ends.  Because to even get to a level of 'good' we have to do millions of practice sessions.  And even with that, hopefully we have talent, connections, luck, etc. to turn it into something as a hobby or even a career.  Because the work I really enjoy isn't always the job that makes the most money.  And that part sucks a bit.

I read a really interesting book a while back....something my mom sent me.  In it, a man left a very good paying job, to be a local town hockey coach.  He earned very little, but he was living his dream.  In the next few years, he became the hockey coach of team Canada...something that wouldn't have been possible without personal sacrifice.  Sometimes dreams with real outcomes require hard, difficult changes to become the very best.

In a word: the time we most spend doing the things that matter, the choices that matter, will move us forward into the person we are meant to be.  We will not be perfect, but it is possible to be a version of ourselves we always imagined....if we make the time.

 

 

Easter 2022

A late posting of my Easter 2022 post.

 

This year's Easter message that stuck with me is 'Look at the day the Lord has made.'  Today we exist, and we exist to make each day a day filled with goodness and happiness.

As I reflect on the war in Ukraine, the worldwide disasters that continue to cause hardships, I think about the fact that I am lucky to be safe, to live somewhere safe from many of the harms that currently exist.

The celebrations throughout the world of traditions of faith during this month, I hope for blessings for all those who see the sun shine today.  Some hopes for the future:

• I hope for a world that can grow and be healthy, that humans might lessen their impact on the world
  
• I hope for world peace, peace amongst people who need it
• I hope for an end to the climate crisis, which will affect all the children growing today, all the young people today.

 

This Easter was special for me, in that it was a year that looked towards the future.  For me personally I hope for new things, better things for 2022-23.

A Lenten reflection on sacrifice

 God, may Your light guide my day, and your spirit bring me peace. Amen.

-Lenten prayer

 

“Then Job replied to the Lord: 2 “I know that you can do all things; no purpose of yours can be thwarted. 3 You asked, ‘Who is this that obscures my plans without knowledge?’ Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know. 4 “You said, ‘Listen now, and I will speak; I will question you, and you shall answer me.’ 5 My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you. 6 Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes.”

Job 42: 1-6

 

In Lent, Catholics make an effort to sacrifice.  When we say sacrifice, I think most people think it means to give up little things (or big things) in an effort to orient ourselves towards God.  This practice is so important as part of yearly Christian formation: because at the root of good spiritual practice is discipline.  And without discipline, there is very little relationship to be found with God.

When I was young, there were many cartoons, media, etc. that talked about the end of the world.  On those signs it always said "REPENT, the end is near!"  (Which is an odd stance in some ways, if everything is ending, it's like trying to do your homework at 12am before it's due the next day)  

Repentance, in the Lenten tradition, is not about asking for forgiveness at the last moment (though that is more than acceptable in the Catholic and Christian tradition, which is good).  Repentance is about right thought, right action, right orientation towards that which is divine.  And in our case, as Christians, orienting ourselves towards the divine course corrects many problems that arise through normal life.

 Ordinary Christians cannot move the waves of the world, nor is a triumphant return by fire desirable.  The way of the common Christian requires dedication and reflection, forgiveness and humility.  There is a reason that the path to heaven is called 'the narrow path.' It is very easy to slide into patterns that are bad for us and those that love us.

 Lent is a time of remembering the importance of taking away, so that what may be filled, is something better, and more appropriate.  

 

Thoughts on 2022

 It's a new year, and it has brought new feelings.  Feelings of hope and excitement for new things, because....it's a new year!  How can you not be excited?

I had some hope that COVID numbers might lower in December, but it's been touch and go for the start of 2022.  Apparently restrictions are supposed to lower in a week.  This seems really premature...I'm hoping that people stay safe.  Denmark's numbers from lowering restrictions aren't great. So we will see.

On the bright side, I have managed to see a lot of friends in the last two weeks (which was an odd coincidence with the news of lowered restrictions).  This had given me reason to smile, amidst some of the terrible world news.

Seeing the trucker convoy in Ottawa (and Toronto), it has disheartening to see Canadians saying things, and acting in a way that is misinformed at best. The beach pool party didn't bother me.  The idea that misinformation had spread so far while people were so isolated was really distressing.

Last week, Russia initiated war with Ukraine.  One of the highlights of this week has been people saying that they stand with the Ukrainians, even in small gestures.  Tiktok, Instagram, etc. are full of pedestrian-side accounts of war, of bombings of civilian districts, and people fleeing for their lives.  This is a very nice prayer that was shared on Facebook, so I'll share it here as well.

 

 

 

 I really do, in spite of the current events of 2022, believe this could be a good year.  Not everything is perfect, but there are great kindnesses happening, even in the face of great injustices and intolerance.

Some simple hopes for 2022:

• That COVID might become less severe
• For making good memories this year, with friends and family
• For finding time for artistic and creative pursuits
• For peace in our time, real peace, where bridges are built, not destroyed