Late Night Episode

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Yes, and there it is. I broke my tooth in half. While. FLOSSING. I had a Brennan-is-flailing-moment, and I was so scared and frightened that my tooth nerve was exposed, I was scared that I wouldn't be able to get it fixed, and then my tooth would rot, and then they would have to pull it, and then I would have bad teeth not because I was bad with my teeth, but because I was trying to keep my teeth in good condition after years of misuse. (And really, I used to be terrible at keeping my teeth clean. Really. It's only the last 6 years or so I've really upped the ante for teeth health.) OK, deep breath. Also, lately, I've had this fear of my body dying and being bad and totally misused because I've been so bad to it in the past, that when that happened, all I could do was guilt myself for all the things I had ever eaten in my entire life.

While I was back in Canada, I talked to my dentist, and said that I was having a problem while flossing, and felt like there was something wrong with my tooth. Well, it was clearly that my tooth had a crack in it, and when I looked it in it the mirror, it had the same sort of calcium line that my other tooth that went bad has. So, now I'm concerned that maybe I have some sort of calcium issue? But I really do try and have enough calcium every day! Honest!

So, anyways, being the hypochondriac that I am, it's clear to me that I need to resolve my mental issues. And, I spent all day today which was supposed to be spent on my THESIS in the hospital, in the emergency, waiting to get my tooth fixed. On the bright side, they applied a real filling instead of a quick-fix filling, which basically saved me another day of this kind of mess. Also, they didn't apply freezing, and there was totally lots of dental pain, but I said I would just stick it out, and I was totally proud of myself, because of my HUGE fear of dental pain. (For the longest time, I was pretty sure the worst way to die was having all my teeth drilled out in an angry way by a crazed dentist) All I could think about was how big a wuss I normally am, and how much freezing normally they apply in Canada, but in here I am in Europe, being stauch. I bet my dad would have been so proud of me, and referenced my Scottish heritage. It's what I was thinking of when she drilled into my gums or directly into my nerve! =D Uh, yeah, I think she was a dental student. But I felt the trust instead of the mental terror, because I teach english to people much older than me, and I'm sure they feel it's patronizing in a very similar way. Also, she spoke next to no English, so I even used a bit of Dutch, but it wasn't very helpful, so we made do as best we could. My tooth is fixed, shouldn't have any more issues, and I'm fine. So, I'm proud of myself. I'm slowly dealing with parts of me that have old fears. It makes me feel really great.

Although, really, I'd rather have all my teeth in place.