Brennan's...no, wait, Ralph's Cookbook. Sorry.

Yes, again, I have been working on the cooking skills. This time I was doing field research, and, I thought I would share the process with you all, and hopefully you get something really tasty out of this. Ralph and I made dinner one, night, and, actually it turned out to be three dinners, but that's what makes it so great! Love the mess, baby!


Ralph's Triple Threat Meal Deal

1.5 kg (or so) or ground beef (Or, if you're English, 'mince')
2-3 white onions
1 clove of garlic
1 red and green pepper each
8-12 small to medium mushrooms (8 if medium, more like twelve if medium sized)
Lasagna Noodles, no-pre-cook (We used organic-esque healthy pasta shells and lasagna noodles)
Cannaloni noodles, same deal
1 box of frozen spinach...about 2 cup fresh, 1 cup frozen, maybe bit more, depending on preference
3-4 bags of pre-shredded white cheese
salt and pepper
6 cans of diced tomato (normal soup can size)
1 can of tomato paste (for more tomato-y)



Cheese sauce-
flour and water (a roo? reiaux? I don't remember...something french which means something which means you need to look at the picture to understand what I mean. Sigh.)
Milk
1-2 bags of shredded white cheese
Cayenne pepper

1. This is about how much meat we used. Uh, maybe this is more than I thought. I originally put 1 kilo in the recipe, but now I think it's a bit more than that. Anyways, regardless, about as much as you can put in your two hands, that's about how much meat it is. Uh, just guessing.

2. You will now need to cut the onion, garlic, peppers and mushrooms into neat little piles. Or just make a big mess like I did. Ralph is a bit of a kitchen nazi, so while I was enjoying myself making a mess, he was busy asking why the garlic and the onion wasn't chopped yet. And then he asked if I was going to leave any vegetables for the meal, or if I just wanted to eat them all as I cut them. Eh heh. Some things never change, yeah? SO, chop the garlic and onion first (you'll need about 2 onions and three-to four little pieces of the clove of garlic. Wait, is a clove shaped like an apple slice or is it the whole unit of garlic??) and regardless, you'll use it with the meat.

3. Once whoever is the head chef has the said garlic and onion, in this case, Ralph, then throw the garlic and onion in with the meat itself. Cook the meat until browned properly. Now, DIVIDE the meat, two thirds in the pot, one third set aside.

4. You'll need to add some tomato (or, as Ralph would say, some toMAATo. The English. I mean, really.) to the pot, and maybe some spices. Ralph used oregano, salt and pepper some water and some wine. If it was me, I would have used some different spices, and less salt and more pepper. =D You can use any spices you like, but make sure it goes well with meat and tomato...there are lots you can use.

5. In the end, your meat should look like this. Or, if I was cooking, it would look like this, but more burnt and less tasty. The head chef had quality control going on pretty strong, so there were no real issues. This will be divided in two, one part used for a lasagna, one half used for a sphaghetti bolognaise sauce. You'll need to watch and cook the meat and everything on a low to medium heat for about half an hour to forty-five minutes, which means now is a good time to do everything else you wanted to do. Like make a third dish! =D

6. The meat you set aside earlier will now be used. Mix the meat and the spinach, and then stuff the pasta shells with the mix you have, put in the bottom of an oval or round dish until you have filled it, or nearly filled it. And, under no circumstances eat half of it while you make the meal. You'll be heavily criticized. Or, perhaps, criticised. Hah! The English!

7. Next, no picture, simply take a can of tomatoes, and spread it over top, and even out the tomato as best you can. Under no circumstances let someone criticize your skills at spreading tomato evenly on top of a pasta dish. If so, contemplate hitting him with a big wooden spoon, or flicking soapy water at him while doing the dishes.

8. Next the sauce. This is the hardest part, according to Ralph. Cooking the little flour and water dough ball thingy until it's dry, then add some milk, and whip quickly until the sauce goes smooth. The dough ball should be about 1/2 a cup of flour or so, I'm guessing? Ralph says it's very natural for the sauce to go chunky and unhappy, even if you measure well. So, just stir quickly and add milk as it thickens. Ralph made enough sauce for two to three dishes, so he's used about a litre, maybe two litres of milk. Once the sauce is smooth, add cayenne pepper and cheese. Sauce should be an edible meal now. Under no circumstances should you eat half the sauce before eating the meal.

9. Now comes the easy part. Get out a bread-sized pan (So, 2X11, I think, something like that), and fill it with layers of lasagna noodle, cream sauce, and the meat mixture. Just layer it as nicely as you can. Should be fine. (I'm envisioning major crises in the kitchen, if I actually try this by myself. Hopefully it turns out well for others.) =D Take cheese sauce, layer over the cannelloni dish, and then cover both of them with a layer of shredded white cheese. Pop these in the oven for 30-45 minutes, or until somewhat brown on the top at your average cooking temperature, about 350F or 17o-80C. (I'm getting much better with the metric here, by the way.)

10. While all this is happening, take the last third of meat mixture that you still have on the stove, and put the peppers in it, let it cook and simmer, make sure that most of the liquid has drained. If it has, the sauce is ready for spaghetti! Take out the other two when ready, and there you have it!

One! (Spaghetti sauce!)

Two! (Lasagna!)

Three! (Take a big fat guess!)

We ate the lasagna that night, it was fantastic, and I had some of the canneloni today, and I have spaghetti sauce in the freezer. I'm eating well for at least another three to five days! =D =D =D

Well, tonight was the first 'real' night of theatre, so that was nice, and hectic in its own right. I'm getting really near the breaking point, I think, need a little more rest, and I have to be careful about how much sleep I get...it's been a little too little, lately, I think. I've been playing catch-up for a week, and it's still not enough. And I'm not sure I can keep pulling the go out Friday night and stay up past one or two, and get up at 645am to go to work at nine on Saturdays. It's just too much for me to handle, especially given that I have theatre on Sundays and I have a paper due every week until final exams on Mondays and classes until 5pm on Monday, and then 9am class on Tuesdays. It's really just too much. So, more care of myself, maybe. OK, well, I have to go to sleep. Later!