Funniest thing I've read on the Internet in a while

I just thought I would share a post I found VERY randomly in the online classifieds...


I'm sorry about the litter box (too scared of retribution!)


Reply to: pers-897355001@craigslist.org [?]Date: 2008-10-28, 7:13PM EDT

I'm really sorry to anyone who may have been injured or emotionally traumatized when a gigantic covered litter box flew from the big garbage bin, where it belonged, onto the sloping ground many feet below that goes into the parking garage.

You see, I got this litter box when my younger cat was a kitten, and he liked to throw litter everywhere, so I got a covered one to try to save my feet, bed, couch, floor, etc, from litter contact. It worked pretty well until a few months ago when I brought home another little bundle of joy, this time an adult cat from the Humane Society. At the Humane Society they don't let you touch the cats until you adopt them, so I didn't know exactly how fat this cat was then. To make a long story short, she is morbidly obese. So basically, she is too fat to climb into a covered litter box. I bought a regular one, half-ass cleaned the old one, and put it on the balcony because I didn't feel like pushing an elevator button and going outside to throw it out.

So, said litter box has been on the balcony, where I keep everything I don't want to deal with, for over three months. The other day my niece came over with her mom and nona, and she wanted to go on the balcony. But her mother wouldn't let her because, amongst other things, there was a gigantic litter box covered in pidgeon shit that made the balcony a very dangerous place to be. After months of procrastination, I finally felt enough shame to do something about the balcony.

So I cleaned it up today, now it looks less like an open air crack den. Because the garbage shute doesn't accept gigantic litter boxes, I took it outside to put in the big garbage bin. Except this was easier said then done because APPARENTLY downtown Toronto gets TORNADOES. I am a small woman, and had to fight not to be blown away where ever it is that tornadoes take cows, mobile homes, people like me, skodas and fiats, etc.. But there were fully grown men fighting to stay on the ground too!

Anyway, I tried to put it in the space between the garbage bin and the concrete wall, but the wind blew it against my shin instead, which really hurt, and it seemed like the wind was just going to push it against me forever more, so I figured I should try to put it in the bin. The litter box itself is light, but the wind made everything seem heavy. While I used all my might to throw it over into the bin, a cascade of urine soaked litter that had been deeply embedded in the litter box blew into my face. To be honest, I don't know if it was urine soaked litter, or if it was dust and dirt from the road that blinded me. Anyway, I died of fear, rather than live to die of whatever disease it is that cat litter gives women who aren't pregnant. In my blind state, I pushed against the wind to escape, and as I moved away, I heard, and looked back in time to see the litter box rise from the bin like a phoenix out of the ashes, float senselessly in the air for a few seconds, and then smash down into the parking garage.

Assuming that I was about to go blind, I didn't turn back to retrieve it. The wind would have made that impossible anyway.

I just wanted to say that I'm sorry, sincerely sorry, (mortified actually) that this happened. To all ye who may have suffered as a result of my cat's obesity, please accept my apologies. Also if anyone wants to make donations so I can put her on prescription diet food, instead of the iams diet food that doesn't work, then I will gladly accept them.

Location: Too scared of retribution!

Not Dead Yet

Hey Guys,

I've been overwhelmingly busy in the last two weeks, but now things are slowly coming into place. Sorry for the non-update. The updates that were supposed to happen have not happened. And I didn't do my laundry today. And I need a shower. And I have a letter to be sent to my grandmother sitting on my floor. I have almost no food left to eat in the kitchen. The to do list of mundane activities is starting to kill me. Soon it will overtake my life and eat me for breakfast.

Which reminds me, I'm out of milk. HOW AM I GOING TO EAT MY CEREAL IN THE MORNING!??!?! THE HUMANITY!!

I will post something in the next couple days.

Voting Day

Today is a great day to exercise your civil rights. I did, even though I basically had to run around the entire city getting one lousy piece of paper so that I could vote. Therefore, go patriotic Brennan.

The moral of this story is that if you really want to vote, you should. If you don't want to vote, don't complain about anything in Canada, since you choose not to exercise your civil rights. The people that drive me crazy are the ones that say there isn't anyone they want to vote for. That's insane. You can't tell me that you don't like all six very different people, male and female, middle aged or older, with different ideas on how to run the country and serve you properly in your riding who've banged on your door to talk to you about what issues you consider important. On top of that, even if you don't like your candidate in your riding/area, you should be able to say whether or not you like one of the main party leaders, and that every seat they have can make a difference for a certain platform that will benefit you, probably directly.

I don't think people need to be expertly informed to make a good decision by voting, but I do think people need to make a decision.

Get out and vote, and make a difference.

The Food I Desire

Hey All,

I am just letting you know I've decided to start keeping track of everything I eat in TO. There's a lot of different restaurants I try, so I thought it would be a good idea. I was originally thinking of doing it for an online magazine, but currently, I think it would be better just to do it for myself for a while. So until, I'm a famous food critic (Well, I already am, but y'know, famous enough to get my food free) enjoy the blog stuff. I think I will start my review on a theme, maybe per month...do you have any suggestions for possible food types? Leave a comment and make me feel hungry.

I Love Bad Advertising

My New Place

Hi Guys,

Well, I finally have a minute, and I remembered to finally put up pictures of my new place! Sorry about that, it's been busier than I'd expected. I mean, really. But I'm glad it's so busy. =)

This is my room, and it's a bit of a mess right now, I'm still trying to get a bit more organized. The bed is super comfy, even though it squeaks like mad. (Makes me feel very fat.) I get just the right amount of sunlight, and there is virtually no traffic, so it's super peaceful in my room. I still have to get a winter blanket, but other than that, I'm pretty darn satisfied.

I live on the third floor of a house, which, thankfully, for all it's wood floors, doesn't squeak. Now, I thought that the velcro strips on the stairs were tacky, but that was before I fell down them on my first day living here. My landlady was right at the bottom of the steps and she laughed her head off. Like I told her, though, only my pride was hurt because it was super embarrassing. So now, I'm a big fan of velcro pads on stairs that have clearly been painted with some kind of glossy paint. Can you say, DEATH TRAP?

This is the bathroom, which is really sauve. We have a biday in our place....I just kinda...stare at it....I have no idea how to use it, and frankly I am happy to be blissfully ignorant.

This the kitchen, which is always super clean, and once the dishwasher gets fixed, Iwill be in renting heaven. Regardless, there are two sinks, so it's almost the same thing. The stove is propane, and I nearly killed myself the first time I tried to light it (big surprise) but now I am fine.

This is sort of the living room/dining room area. I am sure I will use it for having some kind of house-warming-esque party when I get a minute, but right now, since I don't watch too much tv, I'm not using it a lot, so I don't sit on the fancy leather couch not included in this picture, and especially because I don't eat at the table unless I have someone to eat with, I don't use that dining area, either.

I have more stuff coming up on my blog, very soon, I will have time this weekend, so prepare to be excited for it! =D =D =D

Oh, and my new address is

57 Boon Ave

Toronto, ON

M6E 3Z2