TOW: Feelings

This week I've been thinking a lot about my feelings, especially because I've been having all kinds of feelings. First I'm happy, then I'm sad, then I'm happy again, then I'm tired, then I'm all mixed up, and then it starts all over again. And again.

I'm starting to feel like an emotional washing machine. (Never mix the colours and whites in an emotional washing machine. Heh.)

It's weird because I'm usually very set and straight with my feelings. But lately I have been up and down, and all around.

With the future full of uncertainty (and plenty of unpaid internship time!) I sometimes get very up and down about my feelings. I felt like this is a while ago, right when I left Belgium--because I couldn't see the future, and it made me crazy. I need to know what my next step is. ALL THE TIME. OR I GO CRAZY. No one likes the future when it looks hazy. Especially not me.

"You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see, but you cannot close your heart to the things you do not want to feel.”

So says an anonymous quoter. And I think they're right.

We can say to ourselves "Don't worry, things will turn out alright," but will they really? I have a month and a half to find a job, and to find that job while working 9-5 (FOR FREE.) and taking extra responsibility as much as possible. And volunteering. And seeing friends and other important people in my life. When am I going to have time to just be me? (Presumably when I have a paycheck attached to my name. Heh.)

Anyways, what I have been thinking about doesn't have an answer, especially because I'm so tired and literally falling asleep at the keyboard. Our feelings will show us a direction and a hint as to the state of our lives as long as we still have a heart. It's not easy to move on, change, or just do things differently. But our hearts demand that we take our feelings seriously. And if we don't we die a little inside every day.

Feelings are difficult to understand, especially when we don't understand them ourselves. But we can only have real relationships in our lives if we confront our feelings, and try and understand them, and act on thoughts and feelings that are clear and distinct.

So think about what you feel, every day, and why you feel it.

That's what I'm doing, currently.