TOW: Connection and Intersection

Spring has sprung, people are happy, the sun is shining, my allergies are killing me.  Everyone is happy.

And the one thing that comes with spring is the feeling of new love.  Happiness, good times, feeling swell, and wearing the ring the quarterback gave you from a Cracker Jack box are just some of the highlights of spring fever.  Nothing like being connected to the one you love. 


Ah, love.  What a subject. 

I have been thinking more and more about what it means to be in love lately.  When is that moment when you say, "I am in love?  I love this person/that person?"  When do we feel love more than just being in love?  What's the difference.

I used to think, quite naively, perhaps, that love for me meant connections.  You know, when you are together, it's like, sparks are flying, there are fireworks in the background, and someone somewhere is playing the Rocky theme while you make out and put your hands up each other's shirts.  Fantastic.

But, I think where I was mistaken is that being in love, and liking the feeling of being love are two different things.  When you really fall for a person, you 'feel' in love.  You feel so connected to that person to the point where all you can think about is how you fit together, hand and glove.  Until they forget your birthday.  At which point they're the scum of the earth.  (And no one would ever forget someone's birthday if that connection was real! Like, OMG, I'm JUST saying!)

Ahem.

What I have realized lately, is that perhaps, and I'm not sure, but perhaps where we intersect with those we love is what matters.  We are all very different, but we all have things that we need and can provide to others in need.  Sometimes the people we love have bad breath, or weird toenails, or can't remember things about us that really matter, and we could probably smack them and feel much happier for it.  But smacking aside, we love people because they intersect with our values and our needs.


Connection is about what I want.  I always want to feel connected to my partner, my lover, my friends, etc.  But the staying power in relationships is knowing where your values match and what needs are being met.  And it's when you can meet at that place where both of you get something you need, that love seems to really happen. 

While it's nice to feel a connection, it's not nice to let that connection rule your relationship.  Your values and your needs should.  And, it's what you share together with someone that makes any kind of love real.