For Chris' Birthday

TOW: Prayer

You know, it's been probably since May that I've been able to pray.  Prayer is something really special to me, and I think it's benefited me in ways I can't even imagine. 

I have realized, somewhat recently, that prayer has been my crutch. Maybe it always will be. But, I have decided that the relationship I have with God needs to change, along with the relationship I have with myself. I can't ask God for happiness. I have to make it myself. It's part of free will.

I have decided to take a break from all the ways that I normally used to pray.  Most of my praying, most of the spiritual work I did, it was out of a kind of obligation.  Which is good.  It is good to have responsibilities, of all kinds.  Responsibilities keep us balanced, and quite frankly, keep us happy and grounded in real life.  

But you can't pray for happiness.  God can't give us happiness, and we can only be happy when we stop asking for things that we were meant to create ourselves, with our own hands, and our own minds.   Sometimes prayer for me was a way for me to focus on other people's pain, instead of my own pain.  But I have realized, that I need to spend time, focusing on what makes me happy, on what is my personal happiness.  On myself.
So for now, I've stopped praying.  Not because I want to stop...but because I need to evaluate my circumstances again, and think about myself.  Sometimes prayer can be a distraction, to make us focus on a task instead of a relationship.  Prayer, real prayer, is about spending time with ourselves doing a task, and getting something out of it that benefits our spiritual selves.  I will have a regular prayer life, again, in the near future.   I need to spend time with myself, in silence, away from too many tasks, and away from pressuring myself. 

Maybe what I am really searching for is a way to communicate with God in a way that makes sense to me.  I know that my ability to love relies on me being happy with myself.  And, again, prayer is usually a product of a healthy mind, and right now, I'm still working on being healthy.  Emotionally, spiritually, and physically.  But like all good things, it takes some time.

VOW: Study Like a Scholar, Scholar

This is a pretty good imitation of the most famous youtube video, ever.

I Write Like

This website is fun.  It's called I Write Like, and compares a paragraph you write to tell you which famous author you write like.  Here's the text I put in, just for fun:

Last week I went to the market. There I saw dead corpses of various kinds, shopping. Unlike my best friend, this I did not find to be an exagerration of reality. Instead, as I passed a young girl, who looked like she had drowned in a river, I thought to myself, "What an interesting shade of blue she has turned." The store was eerily quiet, and smelled of death, although not unpleasantly so. I could still pass between the aisles of potato chips and twizzlers without too much ado. Instead of picking up my favourite brand of shampoo that day, I decided I was in for a bit of a change. I moved past a wailing woman in chains, and as she rattled, picked up a pleasant orange-coloured bottle that said cheery things about what it would do to my hair once I got home and had a much-needed shower. The wailing woman rattled her chains angrily, again. I assumed she wanted the same shampoo I did. Too bad I took the last bottle. Why does a woman in chains need grocery store shampoo? I had no idea.

TOW: Luck

You know, I have had several times over the past few months thought I have been extremely unlucky.  Like, flower-pot-falls-on-your-head unlucky.  Like, if you picked up a penny on the street, your wallet would get stolen as you leaned over to pick it up. 


What I have realized, however, is that the opposite is true.  I am extremely lucky.


I have great friends.  I have a family.  I have three parents I can speak with.

And I know my life will get better and better, the more I trust in myself, and what I believe.

Because we make our own luck.  Luck isn't something that happens to people.  Luck is something people create by doing routine actions that matter.  Sometimes all it takes is a yes, or a knock on a door, to have everything make sense again in your life.

Small changes make big changes.  And this is what we call luck. 

I'm very lucky.

VOW: Bronte Sisters Power Dolls

Thank goodness.

It's finally less than 35 degrees here.  HOLY CRAP.


I think I'm going to take a nap later today. 

Trip Home for Martin's Grad

When I arrived in Saskatchewan, one of the first things I did was  visit Tyler's new house! Amazing!  I was so happy for him!

Of course, Tyler HATES it when I take pictures.  Eh heh.

This is me and my brothers.  As you can see, I did not have to Photoshop this picture at all.  Martin is really standing there...graduated. 





I'm so happy, and not just because it means no more random emergency essay calls on a Sunday night.  It's great because I'm so proud he could do that, and he did more himself than I think even he realizes.

 Of course, visiting home wouldn't be the same without visiting some friends....

....and family.  I love Evan. My nephew

 Sarah looking dangerous!  =D

My Dad, Al, at his 50th birthday party.  We ate cake out of the back of one of the trucks.  Yep, it was pretty Saskatchewan.  Eh heh.

 This is my Dad, Kevin, with his girlfriend, Cheryl.  She's lovely, and we had such a nice meal that day.

And this is me and my mom...we hardly even saw each other this trip, both of us were so busy.  I'm glad we managed to have such a nice photo together.  =)













And that, in a nutshell, was my trip! I saw plenty of friends and family, and just recharged as much as possible.  I love Saskatchewan so much, I wish I could be there all the time, whenever I wanted. 



I miss my family, but I also know that job opportunities are better and I need to get some experience.  Even if I move back out west, I feel like the possibilities of me moving back into my hometown are slim.


I have been thinking about this lately because maybe I'll always wander.  I have yet to find a place I want to put down my roots because I love it so much.  (Well, I love Leuven, but I don't think I can stay there, and I don't have the kind of job quite yet that will allow me to live internationally like that.  But just wait.)


Toronto is a nice city, in a dirty, cosy sort of way.  It grows on you, but it definitely is not the city for me forever, I think.  If it is, I have yet to find a neighbourhood that I like so much I want to stay in it.  Or maybe just a place to live, I'm not sure.  (Because my current place is nice enough, but, uh, well, not enough privacy, really.)  Anyways, everything here is fine. 

After coming back to Toronto, I realized that part of it is that a place like this can cause some serious culture shock, just like any city.  It takes a while to adjust to new things, new people, and new places.  It will take me a while, I'm sure, but I'll definitely make it. 

Hope everyone's well, and I'll post more soon!  I'm going to get back on track with blogging, I've just been so busy sending out resumes that I haven't had time for personal writing as much as I'd like.

Take care!