Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Monday, March 21, 2011
Contemplative
You know, these days come and go, when you feel that things are beginning, and ending at the same time. I had a really fun time where I went to a networking event. Met some really interesting people. (My twitter count has been rising these days!)
It's weird because I'm so tired and ready to sleep and tomorrow is just packed as a work day. But...all I can think about is what is going on in my head. Do you ever feel like sometimes you want to sleep, but then you just want to lay on your bed, staring at the ceiling, thnking about who-knows what? I guess that's the kind of mood that I'm in currently. I feel like not good, but not bad, either. I guess it's just good to go out, meet some new people, or at least meet some people in person that you knew online, or even it's good just to get out of the house, really.
I think one of the things I miss more than anything about not being a kid anymore is that there's no sense of a 'net' in your life. Before, you had family, friends, common interests and common goals to keep you safe in life, but the truth is that you realize that nothing is safe and nothing is sacred in life. You hope and hope and hope that one day everything in your life will just click like the way you always hoped it would and then you realize that that just isn't going to be possible now, maybe not ever. But you still make the best of it and slug on anyways because you know that life is worth living, even on days when you can't remember why you got out of bed in the first place.
Sometimes life can be really sad, but more than anything, life is a beautiful thing that shouldn't be wasted. We don't get many chances in life but as long as we use the ones we get to the fullest extent we can I don't think we have anything to really be sad about or anything to regret. I know that I have not always done everything the way I wanted, but I'm glad that I at least tried to do things I wanted. I know that things in life don't always work out but I know there are reasons for that. I'm learning every step of the way but more than that it's all about cherishing what you have. I'm really grateful I've managed to get as far as I have. I know I'm not perfect but I'm definitely trying.
Well, that was a bit of a stream of consciousness...I guess I should go off to bed. =)
It's weird because I'm so tired and ready to sleep and tomorrow is just packed as a work day. But...all I can think about is what is going on in my head. Do you ever feel like sometimes you want to sleep, but then you just want to lay on your bed, staring at the ceiling, thnking about who-knows what? I guess that's the kind of mood that I'm in currently. I feel like not good, but not bad, either. I guess it's just good to go out, meet some new people, or at least meet some people in person that you knew online, or even it's good just to get out of the house, really.
I think one of the things I miss more than anything about not being a kid anymore is that there's no sense of a 'net' in your life. Before, you had family, friends, common interests and common goals to keep you safe in life, but the truth is that you realize that nothing is safe and nothing is sacred in life. You hope and hope and hope that one day everything in your life will just click like the way you always hoped it would and then you realize that that just isn't going to be possible now, maybe not ever. But you still make the best of it and slug on anyways because you know that life is worth living, even on days when you can't remember why you got out of bed in the first place.
Sometimes life can be really sad, but more than anything, life is a beautiful thing that shouldn't be wasted. We don't get many chances in life but as long as we use the ones we get to the fullest extent we can I don't think we have anything to really be sad about or anything to regret. I know that I have not always done everything the way I wanted, but I'm glad that I at least tried to do things I wanted. I know that things in life don't always work out but I know there are reasons for that. I'm learning every step of the way but more than that it's all about cherishing what you have. I'm really grateful I've managed to get as far as I have. I know I'm not perfect but I'm definitely trying.
Well, that was a bit of a stream of consciousness...I guess I should go off to bed. =)
Why am I conscious?
It's amazing how well I have learned to function on less than five hours sleep. =/
Odd.
Odd.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
TOW: Is Right Versus Feels Right
So, this week I've had some very hard decisions to make, and it just always reminds me, it never gets easier to make a difficult decision. You know, the kind where it's like, "I'm screwed if I do, I'm screwed if I don't."
What I've learned in these situations is that sometimes the only thing you can do is what is best, safest, and healthiest for you and yourself, and nobody else. And this often means that people are going to get hurt because of your decisions. That's right, the ones you wanted to make that you hope would benefit everyone else but you know it only benefits yourself. And you feel like a jerk because of it.
What I've learned over time is that if I don't respect myself and my needs, I will ultimately end up resenting the people I'm trying to please, or harbour deep seated grudges against others like it's their fault that I chose badly. But the truth is, I'm usually just angry at myself for making the worst kind of decision--the one that denies what I want and manages to screw me over at the same time.
When you make a decision that is right, versus a decision that feels right, you are choosing yourself over all others. And there is nothing harder for some people. (People like me, for example.) Sometimes, you have to choose yourself. And when you make a choice because it 'feels right' and stops you from having to face unpleasant realities, you're actually doing yourself a disservice. No one deserves to live in a dreamland. And more importantly, you and I will never grow if we continue to propogate those kind of decisions as decisions that are good for us.
At some point life is about waking up and realizing just how precious life is. We don't always catch the scent of it, we don't always know how valuable it is, but sometimes we only see it right before we have to make one of those kind of decisions--the hard ones. And life is all about choices.
In the end, all we have are the choices we make.
What I've learned in these situations is that sometimes the only thing you can do is what is best, safest, and healthiest for you and yourself, and nobody else. And this often means that people are going to get hurt because of your decisions. That's right, the ones you wanted to make that you hope would benefit everyone else but you know it only benefits yourself. And you feel like a jerk because of it.
What I've learned over time is that if I don't respect myself and my needs, I will ultimately end up resenting the people I'm trying to please, or harbour deep seated grudges against others like it's their fault that I chose badly. But the truth is, I'm usually just angry at myself for making the worst kind of decision--the one that denies what I want and manages to screw me over at the same time.
When you make a decision that is right, versus a decision that feels right, you are choosing yourself over all others. And there is nothing harder for some people. (People like me, for example.) Sometimes, you have to choose yourself. And when you make a choice because it 'feels right' and stops you from having to face unpleasant realities, you're actually doing yourself a disservice. No one deserves to live in a dreamland. And more importantly, you and I will never grow if we continue to propogate those kind of decisions as decisions that are good for us.
At some point life is about waking up and realizing just how precious life is. We don't always catch the scent of it, we don't always know how valuable it is, but sometimes we only see it right before we have to make one of those kind of decisions--the hard ones. And life is all about choices.
In the end, all we have are the choices we make.
VOW: Dirty Video (NSFW)
While they'res nothing here that would scare away some people, depending on where you work. this one could be a bit of a doozy. It''s creative, though. =)
Elektrotechnique from Lernert & Sander on Vimeo.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Business Cards have arrived! Mega =D
I'm suuuuuuuper excited, because my BUSINESS CARDS HAVE FINALLY ARRIVED!!!!! =D =D =D =D =D =D =D = d= D+ D+D= D+ D+ D+ D+ D+odjsdapjdas;ljadljdsal;jdseqjeqnkld m,adsji[pJO';LM; *spasm*
=D
Here's a review. I used Jukebox Printing. I really liked the box it came in.
=D
Here's a review. I used Jukebox Printing. I really liked the box it came in.
I got 1000 business cards for $60. This included shipping.
Here's my business card! =D
Now, the only issue is that somne of the edges were damaged in printing and shipping. I think I also made a mistake in the thickeness of the stock paper I wanted. =( I think these edges are going to fray if I look at them incorrectly. =(
While the photos look a little washed out, I promise you the red is really edible looking! It's like, strawberry yummy red! And I don't even particularly like the colour red! (Well, wearing it, generally speaking!)
And now...feel free to visit my business website....http://www.brennanpr.ca/. I've worked pretty hard on it, and while I have kinks to fix here and there, I think it's coming along swimmingly. =D All my posts link to my facebook, so please comment there if you feel like it. It makes me feel mega-super-amazing-populaire!
I just signed another client today, and bought mousetraps (don't ask) so I'm feeling SUUUUPER great! =D =D =D =D = D
Monday, March 14, 2011
TOW: The Fear of Being Wrong
You know, sometimes I think about all the amazing things people have done in their lives, and I think "Wow, I wonder how they got there."
Sometimes I look at things that I have done in my life, and I wonder how 'I' did them.
I would like to say it's because I was courageous, or because I was really smart, or because I was paying attention to what matters in life, but most of the time it wasn't. I think I'm one of those unfortunate saps that manage to do everything good in their life by not paying attention to it. =/
All that aside, there's something to be said for being an adult now, and having to try at things that used to come naturually. I used to be surrounded by all the things I wanted, all the time. It used to be easy to get what I want.
Now, I'm responsible for every choice in my life. I don't really have anyone to blame it on. If I lived at home, I would blame lost articles on my family. I would blame my incompetence on other people I work with. I'm always so afraid of being wrong, I'd rather not doing anything at all than actually face my fears.
However, that's just not possible if you're going to be authentic.
Being afraid of being wrong is the most toxic decision you can make for yourself. I can promise you that every wrong decision I've ever made that I've really, truly regretted has been because I was afraid of being wrong, or looking like I made a mistake in someone else's eyes. And every time, the mistake I made was not expressing myself, not being who I really was, and worrying about other people's opinions instead of focusing on what I needed to accomplish to be happy and satisfied.
One of the beautiful things about running my own business is that it's incredibly freeing. I am forced every day to accept good enough, less than what I desired, which is nearly an impossible feat for an OCD person like me. I accept 'not perfect' every day. (If I don't, I will stay up until 3am in the morning, and I'll do an even worse job than if I just left it.) At some level, I have to accept I can't make something better. I am starting to understand where I need to step back and let everything be alright in the world with me.
There's also a point you reach in your life where you realize that 'not perfect' is better than 'non-existant.' You really only have two choices. Letting the fear of being wrong, of appearing stupid, of making mistakes is the kind of thing that will make you less of a person. You deserve to make mistakes, so you can learn something while you're still alive.
Average people try to avoid mistakes. Great people move past them.
Sometimes I look at things that I have done in my life, and I wonder how 'I' did them.
I would like to say it's because I was courageous, or because I was really smart, or because I was paying attention to what matters in life, but most of the time it wasn't. I think I'm one of those unfortunate saps that manage to do everything good in their life by not paying attention to it. =/
All that aside, there's something to be said for being an adult now, and having to try at things that used to come naturually. I used to be surrounded by all the things I wanted, all the time. It used to be easy to get what I want.
Now, I'm responsible for every choice in my life. I don't really have anyone to blame it on. If I lived at home, I would blame lost articles on my family. I would blame my incompetence on other people I work with. I'm always so afraid of being wrong, I'd rather not doing anything at all than actually face my fears.
However, that's just not possible if you're going to be authentic.
Being afraid of being wrong is the most toxic decision you can make for yourself. I can promise you that every wrong decision I've ever made that I've really, truly regretted has been because I was afraid of being wrong, or looking like I made a mistake in someone else's eyes. And every time, the mistake I made was not expressing myself, not being who I really was, and worrying about other people's opinions instead of focusing on what I needed to accomplish to be happy and satisfied.
One of the beautiful things about running my own business is that it's incredibly freeing. I am forced every day to accept good enough, less than what I desired, which is nearly an impossible feat for an OCD person like me. I accept 'not perfect' every day. (If I don't, I will stay up until 3am in the morning, and I'll do an even worse job than if I just left it.) At some level, I have to accept I can't make something better. I am starting to understand where I need to step back and let everything be alright in the world with me.
There's also a point you reach in your life where you realize that 'not perfect' is better than 'non-existant.' You really only have two choices. Letting the fear of being wrong, of appearing stupid, of making mistakes is the kind of thing that will make you less of a person. You deserve to make mistakes, so you can learn something while you're still alive.
Average people try to avoid mistakes. Great people move past them.
VOW: Khet The Laser Game
I have just found the website where I will spend all my money until I can no longer afford to live. =D
Sunday, March 06, 2011
Friday, March 04, 2011
TOW: Changing Impressions
You know, it used to be the case that I thought I could easily separate my work and home life. After just going to government party and having a better time than I expected, (minus some super awkward moments here and there...) I realized that I am pretty lucky to work with such a great group of people. I have nice coworkers. The worst thing I can say about them is that some of them are slightly introverted. The director of the ministry was even pretty nice to me.
I think government is a bit of an odd duck when it co.es to workplaces.....it has odd moments like no other...but I feel really lucky to work with then anyways. They might have an odd way of showing kindness and respect, but ut is there. It is more that I can say for some of the places I have worked.
Now here's hoping they can fix my computer account this week so I can get paid. =\
I think government is a bit of an odd duck when it co.es to workplaces.....it has odd moments like no other...but I feel really lucky to work with then anyways. They might have an odd way of showing kindness and respect, but ut is there. It is more that I can say for some of the places I have worked.
Now here's hoping they can fix my computer account this week so I can get paid. =\
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