Between all the bad news friends got this week, and going to very business-y conferences this week, not to mention the ridiculous weekend antics my friends got into, it's been a bit of a weird week. I'm realizing that I'm getting quite sick of the 'social scene' that Toronto has to offer, not to mention all the drama that people my age often have. My friend Derek was actually quite depressed because we walked into a bar for a drink and he realized he was surrounded by people in their 40s out to party on a Saturday night. I suppose it had never occurred to him until that moment that that could be his life in 10-15 years. It freaked him out a little bit and he said to me, "Can you imagine going to a bar when you're 40 in a suit like these people?"
Of course I can't.
The point for me is that as I get older, I get interested in different things. These days, my career and my love life are a big focus for me, especially because dating only gets harder as you get older. I'm starting to think about the future, and what I want for myself, and for my family. I'm sure when I'm 40, I'll be interested in fibre content and heart health, but until then, bacon for breakfast is a magical thing. Oh, and eggs. I love eggs.
My joints aren't what they used to be, and now I try and take care to not injure myself because I take a lot longer to heal these days. I can see my hair isn't as full as it used to be, but I've still got a pretty good mane, so I count myself among the lucky (and the vain). Life changes as you get older. And most people say, getting older sucks.
I'm not entirely sure about that, but I am sure that I will try and enjoy my life for what it is, not for what I wish it would be. I don't really need a lot to be happy, and I think I've actually pared down my expectations and needs for what it takes for me to be content. I don't need a lot of 'things' although I will admit I can't get enough of new technology and new toys, but I like simple things, like hanging out with my friends, being creative on my own time, and volunteering. Stuff like that really gets me in the right frame of mine.
I'm sure that if/when I make it to 40, I'll be just as happy then as I am now. Or maybe even happier. Because for me, my happiness expands as the number of good, trusting people in my life expands. And slowly, that number is growing, here in the big city. I'm learning ways to protect myself from the sort of problems people experience here, and I'm also learning how to love myself, as someone who hasn't really lived in English Canadian culture as an adult for a very long. (technically, for me, I grew up in a foreign country, all by myself.) But I'm learning to love it in my own way.
I know some things won't be good about growing older, but there's a lot of good things in life to enjoy, no matter what age, and what ails you. I only hope that I can face age with grace rather than vanity, and hope rather than despair as things change and my younger years get left behind.
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