TOW: I had the time of my life

I spoke with my good friend Liz about a man I met in a bar last night.  He was 38, single, and he was dressed in the same kind of clothes I was wearing.  We chatted outside for a while, and the conversation, while pleasant, revealed one thing to me. 

This man was not happy with the phase of his life. 

Perhaps he hadn't yet discovered how to be a man in his late 30s.  Without trying to be rude, I do think the man sincerely wished he was still in his 20s.  I can see myself feeling that way when I am his age.   Maybe.

But I don't think I will be.

Over the last few years, I have had a bad habit of going to bars, having quite a bit to drink, making out with strangers, getting random phone numbers, etc.

It was fun. I was going through a couple of rough things in my life and quite frankly, I needed some form of release.  Cue on booze-loving friend and a whole lot of drama later, and you have a good summary of my life in Toronto.  It was hard.  There were a lot of very hard things.  I did what some people do when things are very hard.  You try to forget who you are, at least for a little while, and try to live a life of adventure that doesn't make you worry about who you are versus who you should be.

It's a bad way to live your life, though it is a very good way to get over things you never want to have in your life ever again.  And I think I'm in that place...now.  After 3-4 years.  It was a time in my life, and that time is now passing.  I do believe another time in my life is coming on.  And I'm happy to move towards it.

I believe every time in our lives has an expiry date. We can only be a certain way for so long.  If we take too long, our peers leave us behind.  Which can be ok, sometimes.  But most of the time, people who are out of sync with themselves make us uncomfortable. 

I am now much more interested in living the kind of life that advances meaning, learning, and prestige in my life.  For a while I needed adventure.  Now I need a certain amount of stability to couple with my spirit of adventure.

And I am searching for those things that will make my life stable and yet still interesting.  It's a struggle, but changing life phases is part of what life is all about.

And also, in a way, part of who I am.  I'm someone always changing.  And I kind of like that about myself.

TOW: Organizational skills

It's been a really crazy week, and I lost a lot of sleep.  Part of that sleep loss was definitely because I wasn't as organized as I would have liked to be.

I can blame it on the french class that started this week, I can blame it on the president being in three days this week, I can blame it on a lot of things, but really, it just comes down to organization.

What matters, what's a priority?

The problem with prioritizing tasks is you are rarely in control of the entire process.  At work, you may want to do certain tasks in a certain order, but sometimes it's your manager or the director that reorganizes your task list for you.  And sometimes that can be really upsetting, and make it difficult to 'get back on track.'  (I now laugh a sad little laugh when I think of the phrase 'must be able to work in a fast-paced environment.)  Worse, when one priority changes, often it affects and entire chain of workloads.  Suddenly, you have a completely new schedule.  And you have to reorganize things, once again.

Though my friends often give me that narrow-eyed look when I talk about being organized, I secretly am.  I have lists upon lists that I use to organize my life.  To do lists, check boxes, that I constantly revise to update what I am doing and where I am going.

The problem is not being organized.  The problem is prioritization of tasks, and knowing how long a task will take.  I find that I often fail to take into account how long a task will take, even though I make a plan for it.  (This, my friends and family would certainly agree with....if they've ever watched me make a meal.)

I think I am trying to get my life back on a schedule that isn't simply events with friends...and |I'm starting to do more 'time-blocks' of activities, such as my French class, blocking off time to work on my game, and volunteering.  |I have a couple ideas for volunteering I'd really like to fulfill actually.  I just hope I can find the time come the new year.
 
But like all things in life, I seem to want things to happen now, and, in a bull-headed manner, charge straight towards a goal.  Once I plan something initially, sometimes I swear I think force of will propels me to success.  And sometimes it does.  But sometimes it doesn't.  And that's where the phrase 'smarter, not harder' certainly applies.

And I'm certainly trying to do things smarter.  I just hope I eventually get there.  >_>

TOW: Expectations

I think we all get caught up in expectations.

Whether we expect a raise, a promotion, a proposal, a fated meeting, or even an exam result.

And we don't assume something...we all just hope for the best, and sometimes that hope turns into an image in our mind....a thing that you wish could be realized.

What I have been thinking about recently is about what I expect of others, and what others expect of me.

I think others expect a lot of me....and I think I regularly fail them in their expectations.


Sometimes I wish I was better than I am.


Other times I wish other people were better than they were.

But most of all, I wish people understood each other better.