Thought of the Year: Return

This holiday season has been, for me, a return. 

I think this year is going to be a big year of change for me.  A lot of important change. I can feel it...some work changes, some lifestyle changes, hopefully some positive changes, maybe some big changes...but I want it to be interesting...good, fun, challenging. 

Coming back home this year has made me realize I have certain values that I need to reaffirm, relationships I need to mend and revisit. Part of me that I need to rediscover.  A little bit of amor fati, if you will.

But I also think there's some things I need to give up.  Some things in my life I need to change.  Some parts of me I need to revisit and rebuild. 

I'm doing an inner journey to remember who I was, when I was younger, so that I take those best parts to the future.

If anything, this has been a year of 'return' to return to who I could have been and knowing that what I could be, can't be, until I start making some big, positive, real change in my life.

Hanging out with my older brother today

Had a blast!

(And of course with my super cute niece as well.)

Feeling

It just how I feel! Sigh.

Mexico!

Some fun images from my trip! :)

 We leave!

Arrived!

Pool time!

 

Time for dinner!  The food was amazing!

 

Shopping!

Chichen Itza!  Was so amazing!

 

Weird Halloween dance party!

And that was pretty much it! :)

 

 

100 Goals for my 32nd birthday

So here we are.  (And accomplishing Goal #80 in the process!  12 blog posts: complete!)

It's been a fun four months, trying to get all of these things done.  Some of them I was finishing as late as yesterday, trying to make these things happen. 

I often make lists like these, trying to accomplish things that are fun, some things that are serious, and some things in between.  I really challenged myself this time, though, with 100 things to complete by my 32nd birthday.

In the end, I managed to complete 60 out of 100 goals in four months.  Believe it or not, I was actually pretty disappointed with that.  When I look at my list, it's covered with stars.  It's just all those in between ones that seem to bring my numbers down lower than expected.  If I had anticipated how many I had left, I might have changed things around slightly.

Some of the ones I didn't accomplish, I have to admit; I just put them off for other goals, or just decided I didn't feel like doing them.  (Also, I repeated a couple of them.  Some like, 'Go for a painting class' are pretty similar to ones like 'create a piece of art.')  I really wish that I had given myself a little more time, or come up with some different, perhaps some slightly more 'summer themed' goals, since this year, I did a lot of summer related activities, which was really nice...and very different for me!  I wish 'go swimming' had been on this list, since that's something that Alex and I did this summer, and it was a blast.

Some of my goals were either unobtainable, or, looking back, had too many parts.  Writing 12 blog posts as one goal was a good goal, but reading 20 books as one goal, that was perhaps much too ambitious for four months.  Of course, it wouldn't have been, if I hadn't also had goal 35: do three online training courses on Lynda.com, as well as take a class (which I did, through skillshare, on illustration.)

Some goals turned out differently than I expected, as well.  I had a day of fasting when I didn't plan it (Goal 25) and visiting my family doctor meant I got my yearly physical (goal 45).  I also had to plan out getting proper amounts of sleep in higher numbers (goals 50 and 51) but meeting a firefighter was a bit of a happy accident at the taste of danforth festival (goal 17). 

Some goals, I think, were downright too ambitious for four months.  Goal 94, finish bottle of daily vitamins, would mean I would have to remember to take a vitamin daily for three months straight.  That goal was sabotaged by the fact that I often would feel ill after taking one of the vitamins first thing in the morning, which was often the most sensible time to take it.  Next time, I should probably just stick to chewable vitamins. 

Also, some creative goals, I just didn't have time for.  I wanted to do a video shoot and a photo shoot this summer, and do a really professional set up.  Unfortunately, there just wasn't time....I was too busy doing summer activities during the times that would have been best.

Probably the biggest gap in my goals list were the 'financial' areas.  I was planning on opening RRSPs (goal 29) and also trying my hand at investing in a stock or two for fun (Goal 69).  I had a bunch of other goals...but I have recently restructured my financial so I am paying down rather aggressively some student debt, and that has made me adjust over the last few months a bit more.


The one thing I have learned from this goal list, is that some of these I would like to carry over to my NEXT goal list (before 2016!) and some of them I need to complete, even if just for myself.  The creative ones that I didn't get to, I either have planned in the next week or so (timing) and things like 'visit the dentist' were reliant on my health benefits being kicked in, which they finally are, after waiting for three months.  I now have stuff I need to back claim.  Perhaps my next goals should be to find someone else to do my admin work on all this stuff! 

But overall, I'm very happy with my goals for this year....I think I accomplished quite a bit that this list doesn't reflect.  Next time, I may leave an open 'bonus section' so that I can accurately capture growth in my life! =)

TOW: Freedom

I've heard the word free a lot lately.  An evangelist in chinatown was saying, "I know God!  I'm free!  Free from religion!  Free from capitalism!"

A homeless man as I passed him (and Syrian refugee protest today), said, "More things need to be free!  Like gum.  And love! THEN WE'LL BE HAPPY."

I'm not sure what love and gum have to do with each other, but perhaps one day I'll learn the secret. 

As I walked by both men, (perhaps the former more than the latter) there seemed to be a slightly misplaced understanding of freedom.  One that I'm quite partial to some days, but overall I think is flawed.

Freedom is not a concept of being loosened from responsibilities, needs, difficult people, etc.  Freedom is not being freed from something so that we can do as we please.  Freedom is the freedom to be.  To act.

And freedom is not a concept that lives by itself, within us as an ultimate mover.  It must be cultivated by other virtues to exist in us.  And a society built of responsible people, is one that can choose religion, that can have an economic system and be happy (indulging, to an extent) and still be free.

There is no freedom without responsibility.  Freedom without a place in the world is not freedom at all.  It's aimlessness.  Neither human morality nor human society at large benefit from aimless individuals.  These people will never find love.  Nor gum.

Goal #22: See a Shakespeare Play

Karl and I went and saw Julius Caesar in High Park.  This is something that Karl and I now think we will do as an 'annual thing.'  I have to agree, since both of us seem to really enjoy the culture and the vibe.  Also, it's a pay what you can environment, which is really great!  The concession stand is also quite reasonable.

I have few thoughts about this particular play because it was done so well.  Brutus seemed so believable and virtuous, Cassius was very well done by the woman play her.  Marc Antony, was naked for half of the play, which was a bit weird.  But overall, very fun!!

#28: Have a dinner party

OK, it was a brunch party....so sue me!

I realized I had gotten out of the habit of entertaining with meals, and I realized how much I missed it.  So I helped cook the main meal this weekend, with none other than my amazing roomies and some guests!

\

I made the scrambled eggs, which had chorizo sausage and a crumbled american asiago cheese.  It was a new creation, but quite good!  I will have to try it again.  Nathanael made crepes and Celine made the lovely salad.  It was a MILLION degrees and so hot, but still so fun.

We had a very nice time, and it inspired me....I love dinner parties! 

#34: Learn a new software

So this one came as part of another project I was working on.

Karl and I decided to record a podcast, and we ended up with a 20 minute file.

 

At the same time, I was asked at work to put together an audio file for a voiceover, which was definitely a new task, since I had to work with only waveforms (and it was with a really annoying audio format, so I couldn't just import it into a video editor and export it as mp3 or wav files)  But in the end, it was a good exercise for me to learn the basics of a track based audio editing program.

I then took that learning from work, and applied it to our podcast!  Which Karl is going to take a listen to this week, and depending on what we think, we might make it a regular thing, just for kicks.  I think he thinks it's his road to fame, but honestly, I just think stuff like this is fun!

#65: Go hiking

So Alex had a dilemma: he had a week long vacation, and nowhere to go.  His original plan with his best friend fell through, and we decided we would try to make the most of the upcoming long weekend.

We hemmed and hawed a bit, between going to Montreal, or perhaps going to Niagara Falls, and then I decided that we would try and go to Blue Mountain. And in the end, that's exactly what we did, and what a good idea it was! Because it allowed me the chance to finish one of the items on my list: Go hiking!

On day one, we took the Village Trail.  It was very beautiful, and a good 'intro hiking trail.  There was lots to see! 

The nicest part of hiking up the mountain is that you can take the gondola down.  (Which is a lot nicer than taking the gondola up, which costs $15!)

On day two, we did the maintenance trail, mainly because I think Alex wanted to challenge himself a little bit.  I'm very glad I brought a water bottle, since he nearly expired on the trail!  It was very steep, and there were plenty of people that couldn't really make it all the way up.  However, we did, eventually make it.

We also went in search of the so-called scenic caves.  However, after asking for directions, and walking for about half an hour, all we found were a few nice forest glades, some houses on top of hills and this big old sign!

The last day, we couldn't hike because Alex hurt his knee the evening before.  He managed to recover  for the next day, but we decided to skip a longer hike and went to the pool instead.

Overall, Blue Mountain was beautiful, and I can't wait to go again!  It really was a retreat from city life, which is just what I needed.

Goal #54: Lift 45 pound weigh at gym

 

On my goal to lose some weight, and be in better fitness weight....I wanted to be able to lift higher level free weights.

I felt like a complete BOSS lifting this.  It's been 2 years since I've been able to comfortably lift this weight during a regular session.  Made me feel really great. =D

I did a set of something like 12 reps with this of lifting straight up and down.  I think I also did some barbell curls with this, as well. I'm starting to get back into the shape I was in 2 years ago...eating well...it feels really good. 

Goal #81: Listen to 12 podcasts

 

I am so in love with this podcast.  It was so well done.  

It was a real-crime murder mystery, with a journalist turning her year long investigation into a story of the power of testimony.  More than anything, it showed a lot of what individuals think of someone once they became convicted of a crime.

I am very excited for the next season of this podcast!  It's right up there with my favourites from Stuff I Missed in History Class and New York Times book reviews.

 

 

Goal #1: Make a new friend

So this one happened easier than I thought.

My new roommate Celine is now a great friend to me.  We are planning trips and going to a Blue Jays game at the end of July, we eat dinner together, and maybe we'll even go for a cottage weekend in August.

She's funny, she's smart, and last week, she gave me the best massage ever! =D

She's also super bright and positive, and it just makes my day when she randomly hugs me, even if she's a little blue or I'm a little blue.  Hugs make almost everything better.

She's also super sporty...so maybe we'll do something very fun and exciting over the next little while!

Edit:  We did!  We went to a baseball game with her workplace, and wow everyone was our age.  How fun it was to go to a sports event with people your own age!

Goal 76: Go on a really nice date

So this is one that I wanted to do forever, and that I wanted to do with Alex for the last year.  I have been saying, "Alex, let's go to the CN Tower, I want us to dress up and have fun."  In the end, oddly, Alex was the one who booked it. (Happily surprised, I was!) 

The dinner was very nice, even if the bill left me...feeling like it was a terrible idea.  However, I can now cross off buying a $50 bottle of wine for dinner off my life list.  Let's not do that again if we don't have to! ^_^

The view was cloudy because of all the rain that happened in the weekend, but because the restaurant was moving, it felt more 'like we were flying' according to Alex, and to me it made it have a really magical kind of feeling.

The meal was excellent, though I'm pretty picky for high standards, and I have had better.  ^_^  Next time I think I will take Alex to a fine dining restaurant where we can really have something fancy.  And actually get a good table in the house (he wanted a booth) and tell him not to wear white (he ended up spilling several times on himself, which led to me getting a few laughs on his behalf! ^_^)

 

Goals Summer 2015

So I have a list of 100 things I want to do before I turn 32.  Some of them are very simple (throw a dinner party) some of them are person (remember to phone my parents) and some of them are more difficult (make an animation, develop a course, etc.). 

I thought it would be nice to catalogue here all of my achievements, since I set up a lot of goals for myself that are very ambitious, and I would like to remember them all. =)

Here's to 100 things!

Cleaning up

It's time to clean up!

I have been working really hard on my goals for this summer....it's my list of 100 things to do before my birthday!

And I think one of the big ones that I want to do, is start cleaning up some of my digital properties.  I have so many of them...it's time to retire the ones I don't need, and start working again on the ones that matter (like this blog) and to open new ones that I have been thinking of doing for a while.  It's time to make writing a priority!

Anyways, not much of an update...but more to come.

TOW: When someone close to you dies

Hey all,

Sorry I haven't been writing on here much.  I have been doing a lot of thinking and a lot of stressful times have been my life for last few weeks.

It's all starting to settle slightly, and now that the dust is clearing, I can see a few things:

1)  The transition of a new boss is not as easy as you'd think it would be, because it's not only your reactions you have to deal with, but also your team members.  Lesson learned.

2)  Having your coworker you worked most closely on your team leave when your new boss starts is stressful.  It's basically like getting a whole new, slightly more miserable version of your previous job.  That and less people talk to you, since, you know, there's now fewer people on your team and everyone has to pitch in.

3)  Having a co-worker who you're friends with at working die suddenly does not bode well for your workflow. 

 I had a moment last weekend when I sort of had a malaise, about life, death, about 'what's the point of everything?'  I thought it was just all the changes at work.  It would pass, I thought.

Two days later, I found my coworker passed away over the weekend.  Coincidence or not, it was a complete shock. 

My colleague was funny, smart, witty, professional, and classy.  She was everything you could hope for in a coworker, and I had an inclination that someday we would be hanging out on a patio, getting to know one another better, perhaps even be friends.

That day never came.

While I know I couldn't have changed what happened, there were times when I wish I would have paid closer attention to what people were saying.  This was one of those times. 

I previously took the stance that sometimes people are going through something and give them the time to recover as necessary.  What's become clear to me, with the loss of colleague, is not to wait.  Don't wait for that time to come.  Reach out, seek those that seem like something's off, and offer to go for a coffee, or to check in with them. 

When someone says something about how low their emotional state is, check in with them.  You can't change what happens to people, or what choices people make, but you can at least know you made the best choices you could....you had nothing to fear of missed opportunities, or perhaps conversations that could have changed the way things went.

To that effect, I'm reminded of one of my favourite poems.  This one is for you, Joan:

If—

By Rudyard Kipling

(‘Brother Square-Toes’—Rewards and Fairies)

If you can keep your head when all about you   

    Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,   

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

    But make allowance for their doubting too;   

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

    Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,

Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,

    And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;   

    If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;   

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

    And treat those two impostors just the same;   

If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken

    Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,

    And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

    And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings

    And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

    To serve your turn long after they are gone,   

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

    Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,   

    Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,

    If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

    With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,   

Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,   

    And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

Source: A Choice of Kipling's Verse (1943)

Great evening

Hanging out with my roommates!  It's really becoming the kind of thing I wanted it to be when I moved in here.

Also, note to self...don't try and explain winter heating options to Europeans by talking about how German people like to use ovens.  (Although I did have them crying from laughter.)  Lesson learned!

Darkness to Light

Participated in the hospital's Darkness to Light challenge! Was a lot of fun.  This is me at 5am ready to collapse into bed!  Fun night.

TOW: What does the future hold?

You know, I have been thinking a lot about the future lately.

I recently helped a friend move into his own place, and start a new chapter in his life.  He has just ended a long and difficult relationship, and was looking forward to just trying to figure things out for himself, and find his own, personal breath of fresh air.  (Which is surprisingly hard to do in a big city.)

This weekend, I celebrated a birthday of a good friend, and introduced friends, old workmates and complete strangers to my boyfriend.  It was certainly an interesting experience.  I don't think I've ever had to do that before.  The next night, we had a big roommate dinner at my place, so it was a good way to get to know Celine and Brad better.  I think everyone had a nice time.

And I guess, with some of these moments this weekend, and in the last week, I have started to think about a few things:

-Where do I want to live?  Where would I live, if I could, for the rest of my life?
-Who do I want to share my life with, and what people are most important to me?
-Where do I want to be in 10-20 years, career-wise?  Who's the person I see who I would want to be, if I could in my working world?
-What are some big achievements I want in my life, to make me feel like I am living a full life?

I think these are questions I have been mulling over for the last 6-8 months.  Normally, I don't have a problem creating goals for myself: short term, mid term, long term.  But lately, I had a lot of time to think about what I want, what I really want.  And what I mean by that is 'what do I want, as an adult person, living in the world.'  I am aware that life is short, and you can miss many things by not focusing on what matters.

So I am taking some time, over the next 4-6 months, I think, to really think about what I want for the future, and what that should look like.

Europe!

What fun!

Me after a red eye flight....I barely slept! =P

Alex arrives after a very long bus ride...he showed up at 3pm...instead of 1pm.

Fish, chips and mushy peas in a pub for lunch, natch!

Big Ben was our favourite attraction in London, for sure.

Though Alex loved taking photos of the London Eye.  I was exhausted by this point.

Fancy dinner at night.  I have to be honest, I was so tired, I don't even remember where we went.

The next day it was rainy, but it was fun!

We had breakfast at a place called Garfield's...how fun!

Had a 'traditional english breakfast.

Alex rides the tube escalators...but he doesn't enjoy being videotaped by me. Haha, too bad!

We went to Camden town, to see all the tourist shops.  I loved this tshirt...I'm now kind of sad I didn't buy it.

We then went to Cyberdog, and I got in MASSIVE trouble for taking photos.  Well, Alex did because they kept coming up to him and telling him to tell me to stop taking photos.  Too bad for you, I did it anyways!  ^_^

We were running a little later, and basically Alex was freaking out we were going to be late.  In the end, his plane was late, so all the rushing was for nothing.  (SIGH.)  It was then flight time to Germany for Alex, and then flight time to Ireland for me!

Of course when I arrive, what do Robert and I do?  Watch Golden Girls and eat Pringles.  (Natch!)

In the morning, he made me a beautiful breakfast.  It was soooo good!  Thanks Robert. =D

Then we went and took silly pictures with statues of nuns.

I thought I fit in pretty well.

We then took a rainy tour through Dublin.  The bridges were beautiful, but the rain started pouring down pretty hard!

We stopped in a coffee shop for a quick respite, and I then ate the biggest meringue I have ever eaten.  It was as big as my face. 

We went home to dry off, and watched Rifftrax.  Bed early for our tour of Cork and Blarney the next day!

We were in the short bus...seems appropriate.

Robert gave a riveting early morning account.  (Sort of.)

We're looking fly in Cork!

It's actually not raining for once!

We stopped for a quick lunch at the local market, I got a meat pie. (Yay meat pie!)

We visited this amazing cathedral.  It was so awesome!  Robert's idea.  Unfortunately, going this far made us late for the bus.  I yelled at Robert about it because he left the meeting place and wandered off for 10 minutes.  =P

On top of Blarney castle!  I kissed the Blaney stone!

View from the top, plus my finger.  >_>

Robert and I had a real Guinness beer that evening at an amazing fancy restaurant.  It's so, so much better in Ireland!  I can't believe what I was missing!

The next day, we went to see how many people were at the Vikings auditions.  8,000 people needed.  For extras.  Wow!

Robert and I made our way to the rainy coast of Howth.  (Which I kept calling the Planet Hoth!)

We had lunch at a cute little place, and the swedish girl who served us became best friends with Robert!

Walking on the coast.

I went to some scary cliffs!  Robert was too chicken to follow.

I loved it here...thank you for taking me, Robert! =D =D =D

A famous poet actually used to do his work here.  I can't recall his name off the top of my head.  Blake, maybe?

Yeats.  I was wrong.  >_>

Robert and I had the proper send off in the Irish airport.  Typical travel woes like being unable to order breakfast and trying to get to the airport on time.  Off to Paris, to our AirBnB!

It's very colourful, that's for sure.

Here's where Alex and I stayed.  I quite enjoyed it, though the apartment was laid out very strangely.  The bath had a window into our room.  

Sven arrives!  I suddenly turn into a third wheel.  ^_^

We have a lovely dinner.  

(Once Robert was done being crusty because we took too long to pick a place to eat.)

Breakfast I have radiated milk (How I've missed you!)

And weird cereal that tasted nothing like the Crunch chocolate bar...

We stayed near Place de Republique.  Fun little area.

Start the morning off right with a croissant!

We then went to see Père Lachaise Cemetery.  I had always wanted to go, so it was super exciting!

Alex arrives! 

We go to the Eiffel Tower!

We can't get in, so we get ice cream instead! 

We see the Arc de Triomphe and walk down Champs-Élysées.  

We then went for crepes.  That was fun. =D

Then a fancy dinner after shopping.  Alex is wearing his new top!

I had fish.  (Good Friday, after all.)

We then went to dance in a Parisian club.  That was an interesting experience, for sure!  The drinks were very good. =)

Alex and I get up early (Robert and Sven sleep in) and make it to the top of the tower!

Here's me looking as not annoyed as I can, given how early I have been up, and standing in line for two hours!

We take Alex on a walk down the Seine, and then he has to go home. 

Cronut=croissant and donut.  Cool!

I thought the sign was so funny!

We didn't eat here.  

I sort of wondered what was behind this door...

After a long walk, we retired in, and went to bed early.

I didn't want to wake up Robert and Sven, so I crept out and went to easter mass at Notre Dame.  Was an amazing experience, I'm sure I'll never forget!  Possibly my favourite part of my time in Paris.

Robert and Sven got me a parting gift...Apple Schweppes! Was so tasty!

Eventually I was very tired in Philidephia....way too many flights....I was exhausted by time I got home!

I'm still recovering in a lot of ways, but I'm glad I went.  It was a once-in-a-lifetime experience in a lot of ways.  I learned a lot...and I hope I can go back and visit my friends in Europe again someday soon!