Halloween 2024

 

September Long Weekend and Growing Up

I think it's pretty normal to think about the start of a new decade and where it's going.  Especially when you're relaxed and in a quiet place for a long weekend.

And where is my life going?

I feel very much that as much as I have tried, and actually really succeeded in planting good things and good events in my life over the last year of 40, but I still feel something missing for me.  And maybe I'll be able to put my finger on it, but I guess I feel like a failure in many things that I wish I was a success in. And most of that change is about the people around me changing as we grow older...because there's no stopping the march of time.

It's something I feel very seriously about a loss of connection between people I care about...and not everything is something I can control or contribute to.  Sometimes it is simply that it is part of what life is.  Some of life is embers, some of life is a roaring fire.

And maybe being in 40-50s is about orienting ourselves to something other than youth. Because I have heard more 'I used to do that' or 'My back is killing me' or 'This is my new medication' this year than I thought possible.  (And I was prepared for quite a lot of it!)  

And I think the curtain has been pulled back a bit for me on the mysteries of aging.  Some of those things are not mysteries about what they are and how they will unfold.  It's now something I discuss with my friends who are 10-20 years older than me.

But my question is always: Who will we be in 5-10 years?  I hope I can have a life full of laughter and love still, and that there's still good moments coming the future to brighten a day or a week or a month.   

Because sometimes I think that I understand love, and I understand where I am going, and then suddenly I find, I have been spun around, and I don't recognize the surroundings of where I am, or why I am, even though the people in my galaxy are the ones I have always known.  Sometimes the world spins me, and sometimes I wish I had the power to spin well with it.

Where will we be in 10 years?

While I don't write about politics a lot, I am thinking about political issues a lot, as these are the kind of headlines I see:

 

• Economy posed to be in biggest bubble possible
• Immigration numbers won't meet needs of failing birth rate in North America
• Climate change causing wildfires and flashfloods in areas never seen before
• Unemployment rising for 16-24 year olds
  

 

When you see things like this, you wonder what can be done?  What can possibly be the future for younger generations?I already worry about myself and people my age, and still we have enough for now...but what about in the future?

 I thought when I grew up, I would be part of a vibrant group of people my age 'making it' and I'm kinda starting to feel like no one is making it these days, not really. 

I'm somewhat worried for the future.  People my age have no idea how we can progress to build wealth and some people younger than us are just giving up all together on wealth building.  They don't see a future where that's possible.  Where can there be a future where young Canadians see the world with hope and possibility?

I know this is a bit doom and gloom compared to my usual blog posts, but I do worry about the state of things, and I really wonder where we will be in 10 years.

Panty Bliss and the History of Drag

 Went with several friends tonight to a drag show with activist and comedian drag artist Panty Bliss.  I didn't know anything about her, but most people seemed very excited that she was visiting.

Apparently she's a big deal in Ireland, which is kind of like saying that you're a big deal actor on a Canadian tv show.

Panty Bliss was one of the spokespeople for Ireland becoming the first country every to legalize gay marriage by popular vote and win by a 65% vote.  She describes herself as someone who is a not-perfect spokesperson, and someone who grew up with a lot of anger and defiance, and considers herself more punk than spokesperson.  Listening to her on stage, you wouldn't believe it, as she's incredibly well-spoken.

But the comedy show had a very serious undertone, which was that the art of drag is slowly becoming Ru-ified, which is to say that drag queens are entertainers and the reason people go to gay bars.  But Panty Bliss had a comedy show that was also a very honest look at gay history: drag queens didn't exist to entertain; they existed to tell other people fitting in wasn't the point, and they didn't need anyone's permission.

Panty's recollection of gay rights, and of gay-bashing, gay suicide and also of men and women (and trans men and women) who lived in the closet or left Ireland because they were truly outcasts resonated so strongly with gay men and women that I knew growing up.  Being gay in Western Canada (and in most places in Canada) wasn't a death sentence, but it wasn't a way to live, either.The things Panty talked about were things I remembered as a young man.

I hope that young people today, can find ways to learn about queer history before it disappears...because I grew up experiencing it, and the world that was described as Ireland in the 1980s, was the world I grew up in.

Ice cream for Spring

 For Alex's birthday, he got a Ninja Creami (which is a terrible name for a good ice cream machine).

We have been making different flavors for the past few months.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 You can't really tell, but some of these flavors worked well, while others were a total bomb.  (I'm looking at you, cinnamon roll!)  But the strawberry (second attempt, anyways) and the pinapple-orange ice cream turned out really excellent.

It's been quite fun to make ice cream ourselves, we were discussing this with our friends Mike and Sarah....they have a professional ice cream machine and they have been working on the basic flavors and agree the simpler the flavor choice the better the result.  Apparently they make a wicked coffee ice cream.

My allergies have actually been manageable this year, which I'm very thankful for.  Unfortunately, it's the long weekend in May and Alex is working, and I'm sick at home with some kind of super cold, so I have been mostly bed-ridden for the last four days.

 

It's given me lots of time for reflection as I feel like this year is definitely a year seeing a lot of people change and circumstances, change, especially me.  I wonder what my life will be like in 10 years (If I manage to live that long.)

 

I worry about the wars in the Middle East and in Ukraine, and I worry about how I'm supposed to be effective as an adult sometime/most of the time.  

 

It's been wild and fun, parts of this year, but then there's been times of extreme quiet, and it feels like a bit of an odd back and forth.

 

But it's good, it's sort of giving me some time to reflect on new routines, and different things I'm interested in doing this year. 

 

Anyways, that's all for now, back to laying down and not having energy!

 

 

 

March-ing on!

Had an interesting conversation in my 1-on-1 with my manager today...lots of changes in our department, hard to say where things will go.  I feel like I will have a lot of change at work in the next 2-3 years.

Contacting several real estate agents, trying to figure out who we are going to work with, it's a bit of a struggle, but I'm learning as we go.

I have lots of 'maybe' on the horizon, but it's hard to put into words how strange it is to have no idea what's coming next.  I think the pandemic conditioned me to expect every day to basically be the same! 👀

I have been putting off doing a new list of goals or to-dos for the near future, because I feel like my life is going to be very different by September, so it's hard to plan ahead and think 'I'm going to have time/energy/money to accomplish some of these things.'  Perhaps I'm affected by a bit of decision paralysis, at least until things calm down a bit.

I'm starting to feel like a senior in my workplace, which is a nice feeling, but also everyone is suddenly younger than me!  It's a lot to deal with. 

Overall I'm pretty happy right now.  Alex and I have a good routine going, we are working on small creative projects here and there and trying to find time to organize fun adventures and experiences.

Here's a fun photo of Alex and I skating

February Already

 Whew!  So much time has passed, and yet January felt very slow. 

I have been reading less than I want (for pleasure and for my Youtube channel) because I have been learning a lot of new information for work on how research works in our department through various projects and working groups.

My brain has been pretty full this month!  But it's been a good thing. 

I feel that 2024 is just a year of change.  Lots of trying to figure out where I'm going, where other people are going....it's definitely a year of trying to make sense of the next 4-5 years.  

Alex and I are talking about moving potentially into the GTA.  We'll have to see where we land!

 

 

New Year's Eve 2023

 

 

 

 

First photo of 2024.

Last video of 2023

I learned a lot of things this year.  Some things that happened:

• I worked another year at my job, and it went pretty well
• Alex and I lived together for a full calendar year
• Liz got a job and moved to Saskatoon
• Karl got enrolled to be a police officer
• My parents (both sets) are figuring out how to 'do' retirement the way they want
• My niece was in the Nutcracker with the Royal Winnipeg Ballet
• I think I have found out more about how to be a good adult this year, probably more than the last few years where life was on pause
• I went to concerts!
• I turned an 'important' age, although it doesn't really feel like it.
• I watched inflation change pretty much everyone's life

 

Life keeps changing, and some things get harder, but some things have come with experience, and that's a net positive.  Overall 2023 had a lot of positives, which make me hopeful for 2024.