Moving

On Feb 1st, we will move.  It's a big milestone for us, and I'm pretty excited.  Not really sure what the future will bring, but excited to start a new chapter.

On the flip side of that...I'm tired, my back hurts, and I've eaten mostly take out for the last three weeks. It's been fun, but I'm ready to get back into a schedule that's a little less full!  I love full days like this, but I also know it won't always be sustainable.

Me now is harder working than I was when I was younger, I think.  Which is funny, since when I was young, I had all the energy but none of the motivation, and now as an adult, I have the motivation, but not always the energy!  You really can't win.

It's sad because I see little things where I notice myself aging.  My body can't take as much punishment as it used to.  I watch a little closer all the small things I should or shouldn't be doing.  It's not a bad thing...just means I'm adult, trying to set myself up for the next 30-40 years of my life.

It's funny because I feel like I barely have a handle on how to be an adult, and yet my body is telling me adulthood is here and middle age, too! 

Lots of dreams for the future, though, even while I contemplate how tough moving can be.

I hope we will be happy, and like where we are.  Hopefully the commute is ok...we are moving father away from work which will be a new challenge.

So far, though, all the painting, repairing small things, packing and interior design stuff has been really fun!  There's going to be a lot to do this year, but I'm looking forward to new experiences and new joys.

 

 

New Years Day

 2024 was a bad year.

Not catastrophically bad, but like, just bad. Not great.

Canadian national identity crumbled over the last year. Our neighbors reelected you-know-who, and we got told we should be a 'singular' state.

My childhood's friend's dad (and basically my uncle) passed. A lot of friends had some tough times this year, and lots of family members were struggling with midlife this year and inflation. Money problems were very real this year.

And my dream that I would have a normal Christmas ever again with my entire family pretty much died this year.  My parents are entering their golden years, and although they like to still host everyone, that time is coming to end.  My brothers and their families are starting to do what any family does, which is turn inwards as they grow older.  This was the first year I ever felt like I was really a bother and not fitting into people's schedules and put in second place by people. I remember there was a time when uncles and aunts stopped coming around, and I never understood why.  Now I understand.

It doesn't mean I love my family any less...but it does mean I understand that things have changed enough for me that Christmas might not be the same for the coming years.  It means that there will be other times that are special times, and I will have to put in a bit more effort to make special memories separate from the way things used to be.  The adage that 'showing up will make a difference!' actually doesn't apply here.

I had some small health problems here and there, and I am starting to feel my age a bit.  Which is normal, but still not great for someone like me who likes to move!

But that doesn't mean everything is bad.

I came to terms with a lot of what the future will look like for the next little while, and I honestly believe my 40s will be my time to work hard, and to explore my career and new opportunities.  I think there are lots of good things coming up in the future, but I'm now a 'real' adult. I feel I have all the problems of real adulthood now, maybe just a little later than some did.

It just means I got more years of happiness and idyllic thinking that the average person.  And I'm definitely mourning the loss of that feeling, but I can appreciate that I had it at all.

I've worked on some cool creative projects, and worked on things that mattered to me.  And there's definitely going to be more of that this year.

But would I say this was 'the best year yet?' no, definitely not.  I have very mixed feelings that I'm still parsing at the end of this year. 

I'm curious to see how I will feel at the end of 2025!  I wonder what it will be like.