New Years Day

 2024 was a bad year.

Not catastrophically bad, but like, just bad. Not great.

Canadian national identity crumbled over the last year. Our neighbors reelected you-know-who, and we got told we should be a 'singular' state.

My childhood's friend's dad (and basically my uncle) passed. A lot of friends had some tough times this year, and lots of family members were struggling with midlife this year and inflation. Money problems were very real this year.

And my dream that I would have a normal Christmas ever again with my entire family pretty much died this year.  My parents are entering their golden years, and although they like to still host everyone, that time is coming to end.  My brothers and their families are starting to do what any family does, which is turn inwards as they grow older.  This was the first year I ever felt like I was really a bother and not fitting into people's schedules and put in second place by people. I remember there was a time when uncles and aunts stopped coming around, and I never understood why.  Now I understand.

It doesn't mean I love my family any less...but it does mean I understand that things have changed enough for me that Christmas might not be the same for the coming years.  It means that there will be other times that are special times, and I will have to put in a bit more effort to make special memories separate from the way things used to be.  The adage that 'showing up will make a difference!' actually doesn't apply here.

I had some small health problems here and there, and I am starting to feel my age a bit.  Which is normal, but still not great for someone like me who likes to move!

But that doesn't mean everything is bad.

I came to terms with a lot of what the future will look like for the next little while, and I honestly believe my 40s will be my time to work hard, and to explore my career and new opportunities.  I think there are lots of good things coming up in the future, but I'm now a 'real' adult. I feel I have all the problems of real adulthood now, maybe just a little later than some did.

It just means I got more years of happiness and idyllic thinking that the average person.  And I'm definitely mourning the loss of that feeling, but I can appreciate that I had it at all.

I've worked on some cool creative projects, and worked on things that mattered to me.  And there's definitely going to be more of that this year.

But would I say this was 'the best year yet?' no, definitely not.  I have very mixed feelings that I'm still parsing at the end of this year. 

I'm curious to see how I will feel at the end of 2025!  I wonder what it will be like.