Happy Pride: 2020 Edition

A sketch of my feelings today, at the start of Pride. Resist because it's time. I wish for peace, and peace now, and justice now for all those hurt, now is the time for change, and not tomorrow. Not next week. Right now.

Pride is a resistance, and a revolt, a complete revolt of the values that are against us being who we are, whoever we may be, and whoever we may love, and against police controlling the actions of those that are vulnerable and different. Our black brothers and sisters are asking us, are telling us, this has to stop. Something has to change. It's time. There can't be peace now, not when people are being killed for no reason than the colour of their skin by murderers parading as law and justice. Don't ask for what's reasonable.  Ask for what's right, and ask for it right now.

Dream Diary: Chinese Comedy Group

I can't really explain this dream, except that I was part of an all-Asian comedy troupe, and we were trying out fancy hand lotions at a hotel/spa. apparently for a humor bit we were filming for tv.  Eventually the female maid hotel staff joined our comedy troupe. The gentleman in the troupe were all dressed like the Blues Brothers for some reason. There were three of them, it was very Three Stooges vibes, but like way cooler and with the addition of maids from the hotel?

Two people talking

Just playing around with paint brushes today...a lot of fun learning a lot about Corel 2019.

Excerpt from an old diary

Something I found while cleaning out a shelf, from a really different life:

 

I'm very sick and tired of being blamed for everything. I'm not the cause of most problems in my workforce, yet I'm the only one getting yelled at. Why me?

I don't think I can take being laughed at in another meeting. I know I don't always know how to explain things perfectly. This feels like the worst parts of high school and elementary school all over again. Fun.

I'm suddenly in that phase of my life where I feel like I have no supports and nowhere to turn.

Dated September 5, 2013

Dream Diary: The Angry Fork Message

I'm trying out this idea where I take an image from my (mostly incomprehensible, movie-like dreams) and paint them into tiny images.  Instead of a mobile phone, I got a message on a blue fork, and it was an angry text message.

Easter in 2020: Easter in Exile

This Easter is special in many ways...a special sounding year, that was supposed to have a different meaning, that was supposed to mean something different for Christians around the globe. Instead, we are all staying home, afraid of what is to come, both in the world and afraid for our own mortality because of an invisible enemy, that we do not understand, and cannot really fight.We are in exile from the world we used to have, mere months ago.

In the same way, Jesus' resurrection and the Easter story is one of fear, confinement, confusion and sadness. The disciples were expecting a messiah, someone who was a political hero in Jewish history, in human history, to rewrite the story that Roman culture had created. Instead, his best friends, watched him punished and killed in one of the most shameful ways, tortured, mobbed, and finally crucified. Not exactly the way any of us would wish to die.

After Jesus died, his followers were a target. They were locked away in small rooms, hiding from the authorities...and it was a miracle that saved them, not any political act. From Acts of the Apostles:

¹⁹ On the evening of that first day of the week, when the disciples were together, with the doors locked for fear of the Jewish leaders, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you!” ²⁰ After he said this, he showed them his hands and side. The disciples were overjoyed when they saw the Lord.
²¹ Again Jesus said, “Peace be with you! As the Father has sent me, I am sending you.” ²² And with that he breathed on them and said, “Receive the Holy Spirit. ²³

Until they received grace and gifts from God, there was nothing they could do. Everything after that moment, however, was like reading a book about super heroes. They could speak in all languages, they healed the sick in God's name, they did many good deeds and were not afraid.

This is not to say that they lived the way that super heroes lived. Many early Christians were crucified, beaten to death, stoned to death, died for others. Regardless of what some people might say, Christianity is not triumphalism, it is not a triumph of goodness over bad people, bad things, bad moments, over tragedy.  Christianity only outlines in a stronger relief that what already exists.

Jesus changed our relationship with God...he was not here to make the world a perfect better place, but to change our relationship with the world. We are no longer bound by the Old Testament, but we are bound and freed by a new sense of baptism, indeed a baptism of fire, to recognize the good that is in the world, to make anew that which already exists. We recognize the importance of the ten commandments, but they cannot replace the beatitudes. Rules still exist, but first love.  Sin is still present, but first grace.  In Easter, in this pandemic world, is a reorientation to that which exists.

Jesus is for Christians, the bridge across to a new kind of relationship with the divine, and within such, as a great priest once said, we are called brothers and sisters in Christ now, and not just followers. Jesus' resurrection is a sacrifice that brings us into a new relationship with God.

Christians are losers first, and we follow someone who lost everything in an act that is hard to understand. And not through the fire of revolution, but through the fire of the Holy Spirit.  Even if we have a vaccine, we cannot bring back those we have lost. Let us pray for those still here, for those who have gone before us, for those trying to bring peace to our world in their own way.

Goals 2019

2019: Taco on the beach for Halloween

Some goals I accomplished this year:

• Do 12 portrait photo shoots
• Listen to every Lady Gaga album
• 12 new albums by artists I don't know
• Build a computer
• Get a real estate agent
• Buy a new camera
• Watch the show Sabrina the Teenage Witch
• Go to 5 concerts 
• Go skiing
• Visit an art gallery
• Work on a film set

Some that I didn't accomplish (generally speaking):

• I didn't e-mail people I should have as often as I could, or send letters as often as I could
• I had an event I was planning sort of fall apart.  It was a failure, but not a big one!
• I didn't read very much philosophy this year...I think I spent more time learning about politics where I live, which was a kind of success of its own!
• I didn't get a professional accolade of any kind.  This made me a bit sad because honestly I barely kept my job this year, and there will be some job instability for the next few years.  I want to do things that show how I've grown and are recognized by my peer
• I got up at 5 am two out of three times, but couldn't manage to keep it up... I loved sleep too much this year!

Overall, I didn't accomplish as much as I wanted, partially because everything was put aside to search for a new job.  Which was something to learn, which is I need to find new ways to balance things when things aren't great...I don't think this is something I really succeeded at this year.

But, I'm happier in the sense that I don't want 2019 to be repeated...I want 2020 to be where I make more positive memories, and work towards my bigger goals.

Christmas 2019

Had an amazing time back home.

A lovely time with lovely people and lovely memories.

Landscape sketching

Playing around.  Using new software so learning basics all over again.

Feeling a little lost today

I wrote this as a draft in March 2019, as I had uncertainty about my job, and it still holds true. I still have a lot of uncertainty around my career, as do several of my friends.  It seems like a lot of people I know are changing jobs or hanging on the edge of things.

The good news is that this has been a great transition period for me to think about what I really want.  It is hard to think about wanting something different when you are stuck in a great job with great colleagues and decent path into what you want to achieve professionally.  Of course it's a bummer because my department is going through a giant period of upheaval, but I'm confident I'll weather the storm, so to speak.

Since I last posted here, I have been doing a lot of fun photography projects.  You can see some of my portfolio here.
 

Had some fun out today

Alex and I went to the Harbourfront today and walked around...it was a beautiful day.

We had a nice breakfast/lunch out as well, and overall just a great day to enjoy the early spring weather...and it's cold enough that my allergies haven't started and I can actually enjoy it!

Ran into a co-worker while out shopping for dinner...very fun day!

Skating

Had fun skating last night....Alex also made ribs.  But too much exercise this weekend, and now I'm super sore. A good weekend overall, though!

Cuba: Some thoughts

This January, we went to a Cuban resort.  I have to be honest, I wasn't sure what to expect. We had gone to a Cuban resort a couple years ago, and I was shocked at the state of Cuba.  The Cold War was over, so why did Cuba look like the poorest of all countries, when it is one of the most beautiful natural places in the islands?

Some Age of Conquest history

Christopher Columbus landed at Cuba in 1492 and claimed the land for Spain. (Funny enough, our Sunwing tour guide offered to take us to the spot Columbus landed.)

The sad thing is, when I think of what colonialism means, in its worst state, I think of the Spanish and the landing of Christopher Columbus in a 'new' land.  Regardless of the arguments of how brutal the Spanish were (I would say pretty brutal) the worst was the spread of European diseases into places and populations that had no defense against them.  Cuba was one such place, and then the rest of North America was subject to influenza, smallpox, measles, and typhus fever.  The Spanish killed hundreds of thousands of people wherever they went.  (Example:  Columbus built his first town on the nearby island of Hispaniola, where the Taino numbered at least 60,000 and possibly as many as 8 million, according to some estimates. But by 1548, the Taino population there had plummeted to less than 500.) Not to mention the environmental seeds, animals, etc. that were brought along for the ride that completely altered ecosystems. Conquest, more than political, had a huge effect on North America, and Cuba.

More than anything, Cuba was a place that was fought over between the Spanish, the English and the French.  It reminds me of Belgium in some ways, stuck between (and crushed) between other military super powers of the age.  In 1868, Carlos Manuel de Céspedes, considered the father of the nation, freed his slaves and, with the revolutionary cry of “Independence or Death.”  The war takes ten years, and over 300,000 Cubans and Spaniards die as a result.  Surprisingly, Cuba and the United States work to get rid of the Spanish influence.  In 1898, the USA becomes a protectorate of Cuba, and in 1902, Cuba gains independence and leases Guantanamo Bay to the USA.

Some very recent history (1900s onwards)

More than anything, the Cuban people have posters and statues of two men: Fidel Castro and Ernesto "Che" Guevara.  You see their faces everywhere.  If it wasn't for the influence of Christianity, you would think that Cubans worship these two men.  (In many ways, I wonder if some of them do.)  Set against the backdrop of imperialism, and colonialism, it's understandable as communism became such an attractive option for many why Cuba turned to Communism.  They were fighting against Fulgenicio Batista, who had taken power as a dictator and called it a democracy.

Fidel Castro (December 1976 –February 2008) became such an important figure not only because of who he was, but the forces of World War II, the Cold War and onwards.  Russia was trying to build ties with Cuba to put pressure on the United States.  Often called 'El Comandante (The Commander), Fidel would eventually lead the revolution with Che as a brother.  Che was more the revolutionary, and Castro the eventual politician. 

The end result was Che being distanced from Cuban politics, and as Castro got closer as allies with Russia.  In the end, since Che never stopped wanting to take the war to the United States (Which I think Fidel knew he would lose everything they had gained) he started wars in other places, and eventually was executed away from home. The Cuban Missile Crisis, which showed truly how nuclear war could start, was perhaps a revelation to America that nuclear weapons could be used against them if they took too many missteps internationally with their foreign policy.

Today, Cuba seems just like a nice destination for Canadians and other internationals to visit.  But the reality is more complicated and represents the influences of super powers, of nations that have very little interest in Cuba for its people, but perhaps what it represents at a stepping stone in North American and European colonialism.

What an interesting place.

Christmas moments

 Christmas tree at Alex's.

 I buy the don't step in the unicorn poop game for Sarah's kids.

 These cute kids were even cuter this year.

 Brooke in the choir...nice to see her singing.

 Saskatoo fashion. Sad I didn't buy it.

Cirque the Xmas version with my nieces.

Baking with my sisters-in-law

 Wyatt growing up.

 What are these bear statues in Saskatoon?? Ahaha, I loved them.

We went trampolining with the whole family.  Alex hurt his back a bit.

Kristine came home as a surprise for Xmas. So happy.

Trying out my new photo toy.

 Vita and K.

 Me and my dad. Not sure why he's trying to out-hat-game me.

My cute and funny sis-in-law, Tori.  I think we both had been drinking on Xmas.

Back in time for Danny's 30th.

This year's Christmas was about family. We hung out so much together, and it was full of great moments.  I hope every year could be as good as this year at Christmas.

Today's interesting idea: 4 colour theorem

Today I learned about the 4 colour theorem: Namely, that no more than four colors are required to color the regions of a map so that no two adjacent regions have the same color.  This was a major breakthrough because it was proven by a computer during times when computers weren't the main way people computed numbers and math.

The four color theorem was proved in 1976 by Kenneth Appel and Wolfgang Haken, and it was commonly called the Appel-Haken theorem.  Haken was a mathmatician who specialized in topology, especially 3-manifolds. (Who knew such an interesting, nerdy thing existed as a speciality?)

The thereom, according to wikipedia, states that "in graph-theoretic terminology, the four-color theorem states that the vertices of every planar graph can be colored with at most four colors so that no two adjacent vertices receive the same color, or for short, "every planar graph is four-colorable"

It's interesting that a large amount of contreversy around the theorem had to do with the way it was produced, as it was one of the forumlas that was set out in the list of mathmatical problems of the 20th century by David Hilbert, who was an influential mathmatician in his own right.

It cannot be overstated how important some of the scientific discoveries of the early 20th century were.  A lot of very important math was done, often in reference to Hilbert's problems.  We've only known about the atom in its structure for about the last hundred years, and quantum physics is still in its infancy.

However, this problem is an interesting one, and one I wasn't expecting to discover while researching 20th century science.

My goals for 34

Here's some of my goals for 34 that got accomplished this year.  I tried for 250 before I turned 35.

• Clean my office at work (Update: It needs a cleaning again)
• Make a podcast (Did it for work)
• 30 Day push-up challenge (Did 200 per day for 30 days)
• Do guided meditation 5 times
• Run a charity event for a good cause (Raised over 4K for my hospital this year)
• Make a new facebook profile photo that I really like...it was this one

• Build a rig, which we did! It was something that held the camera so we could use it while making food videos.
• Get a new camera for video (Done!  But I want a differrent one now. 😶)
• Collaborate on a creative project. (Done, but it's in post-production)
• Visit Port Dover with Liz.
• Go to my brother Clayton and Cailin's wedding (Done!)
• Do photos of the month, and do a portrait shoot.  Also done!
• See Stephen Fry...was amazing!
• See cherry blossoms
• See Shakespeare in the Park 
• And many more!

Here's a few of the goals I didn't finish:

• Lose 20 pounds (but I've lost over 10, so I'm getting there!)
• Do more drawing (Sadly, didn't happen)
• Make a fruit salad 
• Take a dance class 
• Visit Ottawa 
• Visit Norman Bethune's house

 And funny enough, I didn't finish the list itself, which is always the first I put on a list like this.  I created 187 out of 250 goals....which was pretty ambitious to even have a list that big, since I started it about six months into 34.   I completed 92 of the 187 I created...and probably I would have completed more if I completed the list. :)

I will be working on my goals for 35 soon, some of them a continuation of last year's goals.  Overall I'm pretty happy with how this year went, even though not everything went the way I hoped.  I learned a lot, I laughed a lot, I got a lot of experience.

A small eulogy to an old friend

Kyle Plamondon died this month.  He was someone I went to school with in university for 3 of the 4 years I was there, and I saw him in and around Saskatoon for several years after.  He was only 39 when he died, and he died of a heart condition (which I knew about), not unlike another friend of mine who I had to see put to rest while I was still doing my bachelor's degree (who I didn't know had a heart condition, and died on the bus leaving the university, of all things...).

Kyle was a funny, loving guy with a big heart and a deep voice.  You always knew if you had anything to say to Kyle, he would have something funny to say back to you, and with a big smile and chuckle.  He liked hockey, and I think other sports, but unsurprisingly, we didn't talk a lot about sports. (I tried my best to pariticipate in that kind of conversation politely, but he was really into it, so that was ot of my league.)

He was a military man, who, if not for his heart condition (and inability to manage zero gravity) he would have been a fighter pilot.  Military life was a good change for him.  He went from jolly and plump to a fit, focused young man.  It was a side I didn't see of him normally in my day-to-day interactions with him.  His military career was cut short by health reasons, and he went on to study to be a pharmacist.  (He was nothing if not driven, in a quiet, no-nonsense kind of way.)

The way we connected most days, was through the Newman Centre, which I was involved in for my entire university career. We went on retreats, held ecumenical suppers, and just generally hung out.  I remember just having him around, along with Marianne, Dean, and a few other long-time stay-ons that were constantly running all the events and showing up to most meetings for council.  A lot of sofa time was had just chilling out and chatting.  They were happy times with good people.

I remember Kyle worked part-time for St. Thomas More College, working shifts doing chapel work, and helping out the priests around the college.  I never asked him in a deep and serious way, but I was always impressed with his commitment to the Church, and to his spiritual values.  I felt like he had a strong relationship with God, and that it was a grounding place for him in his life.  And I think it shone through into his personal life, and personal work. If anyone had God shining through him, it was this happy, smiling guy. 

Kyle, I know you are in heaven, smiling down on your family, your sons and your wife that are grieving your loss.  I feel lucky to have met you...we were not best friends, but we were part of a larger circle of something where we met in odd moments that meant we got to be friends for a time.  Thank you for enriching the time in my life, in small ways that are hard for me to recall.  You deserved longer on this earth, if for no other reason than you brought joy to everyone around you.  I say a little prayer for you, mon ami.

Today is my birthday

I have been very contemplative this year.  It has been a year of ups and downs, a lot of work stress.

It's also been a year of growth, though maybe not in ways I expected.   

34 has been a year of learning.  And I think, 35 will also be a year of learning as well.  Because I am starting to realize, as the book title goes, what got you here, won't get you there.  And I have a long way to go, I realize, as I head into the next stage of my life.

But one of the best thing about life, right now and hopefully always, is the amazing and often surprising people who show up in your life to add dimensions to it you didn't think were possible.  And people will surprise you.  The ones you didn't know very well will turn out to be great people who add so much to your every day.  And sometimes people will drift way when you didn't expect, in ways you didn't expect.  But I'm still smiling, through it all.  Because what's life without a couple of surprises?

Stephen King: On Writing

There are only two books I would ever really say have been helpful 'writer' books for me.  One of them is Strunk and White, the Elements of Style.  The other is Stephen King's On Writing.

I have looked at a variety of other ones...I even read a few blog posts about the topic. (This one seems particularly nice and not complete crap.)  I find that people who don't know what to write have a lot a to say about writing, most of which I disagree with.

This is not so much a how to about writing, but more of a thought process as I reread King's book of writing advice, which is part autobiography, part King's literary history, and part writer's advice from someone who captured the American mind in many ways, and spoke to both its desire for the fantastic and horrible, as well as the deeply cultural roots of how people are in America, and their relationship with religion and politics.  It's fair if you say you don't like a lot of his books (I know I have a take-it-or-leave-it relationship with about half of what he's written) but you'd be hard pressed to find a better modern writer who is also what people would deem a financial success.  (And someone who people still consider a writing powerhouse today, even though his novels haven't recently made headlines like Carrie or It did.)

His writing style is very heavy, and probably not my writing style, nor is his subject matter what I would try (thrillers edging on horror).  What I do think, is that his books are for people who want to learn about writing. Even his worst books are something worth reading. 

I think the one thing missed by most books on writing is how little people care for technical advice: people want to believe that people like them exist.  And King does an excellent job of explaining his life as a writer, and how much his life has been made better by writing. 

In this day and age, writing well is a hard skill to master...people are moving away from words, and toward images.  But King is 70 years old, and still publishing almost a book a year.

If I could do anything half as good as that, I think I could be quite happy.

 

Trip through the Mountains 2018

This is probably my favourite vacation I took last year, only being beaten by our Denmark trip the year previous around this time.

 

While in Edmonton, we stopped by West Edmonton Mall for a total of 15 minutes, and decided we could find the same things in Toronto.  I forced Alex to come with me into an antique store, which I found MEGA FUN.  So many cool things, but all of them breakable.  We also visited Andrea and Francis, two very good friends of mine, and I didn't take a group photo of everyone. :(  But we had a great time before going off to the mountains! :)

 

Probably my favourite photo as we drove into the mountains

 

I loved this photo, even though something odd happened when I took it...it was a mountain I fell in love with 

 

We discovered goats right by Miette Hot Springs 

 

We hiked to the water sources of the Hot Springs, smelled terrible, looked beautiful.

Took some really great mountain photos

Stayed in a very cute bed and breakfast that served the best banana bread, fresh every day!

 

 

Stood on top of a mountain in near Jasper

Found a new favourite waterfall, Tangle Falls

 

Spent a rainy day in Banff....the place I hate most on earth.  (Complete tourist trap...)

 

Pretended to meditate to pretend I enjoyed hanging out in Banff...

 

But we did go for a short hike, and had some fun doing it.

 

Once in Calgary, we stayed across from 'The United Brotherhood  of Carpenters and Joiners of America.' (Also, on way to Lake Louise, learned how fast people drive on the highway.  It's fast!)

 

Visited with my Aunt Jodi and Uncle Jake and family

 Went to Lake Louise, and captured 'the photo' we went on this trip for! 

Had a $100 lunch on the patio of the hotel (Which I didn't pay for, ha!)

Drove home so I could get a kiss from my momma

And then got upgraded to first class on our flight back...say what??? Wow!

Overall, there were so many memories and moments, it's hard to count them all.  It was definitely a road trip to remember!