Thoughts on 2022

 It's a new year, and it has brought new feelings.  Feelings of hope and excitement for new things, because....it's a new year!  How can you not be excited?

I had some hope that COVID numbers might lower in December, but it's been touch and go for the start of 2022.  Apparently restrictions are supposed to lower in a week.  This seems really premature...I'm hoping that people stay safe.  Denmark's numbers from lowering restrictions aren't great. So we will see.

On the bright side, I have managed to see a lot of friends in the last two weeks (which was an odd coincidence with the news of lowered restrictions).  This had given me reason to smile, amidst some of the terrible world news.

Seeing the trucker convoy in Ottawa (and Toronto), it has disheartening to see Canadians saying things, and acting in a way that is misinformed at best. The beach pool party didn't bother me.  The idea that misinformation had spread so far while people were so isolated was really distressing.

Last week, Russia initiated war with Ukraine.  One of the highlights of this week has been people saying that they stand with the Ukrainians, even in small gestures.  Tiktok, Instagram, etc. are full of pedestrian-side accounts of war, of bombings of civilian districts, and people fleeing for their lives.  This is a very nice prayer that was shared on Facebook, so I'll share it here as well.

 

 

 

 I really do, in spite of the current events of 2022, believe this could be a good year.  Not everything is perfect, but there are great kindnesses happening, even in the face of great injustices and intolerance.

Some simple hopes for 2022:

• That COVID might become less severe
• For making good memories this year, with friends and family
• For finding time for artistic and creative pursuits
• For peace in our time, real peace, where bridges are built, not destroyed

Thoughts from a podcast on how to start new things

I'm listening to a really interesting podcast right now (via an instagram post) about how to start something that matters with Pat Flynn.  While the start is very meandering, the meat of the episode from 15 mins on is quite good.  Some highlights:

Peak Moments

Look into your past and ask yourself

• What moments (both good and bad) have been moments where I have felt really alive?  Really like my ability in that moment mattered?
• What experiences do I remember most that make me think about what I contributed to a situation, and do I want to do more of that?

Crossing the Threshold

• A rule: if you know how to start a project, but you don't know how to finish a project, that's when you know you've started a good thing
• You will be in the wilderness: Willingness to be in ambiguity.  
• Travel with the right people: You need different people to help you get to where you need to go. You can't do it as an individual, you need others
• Stumbling is part of the process: fall forward
• What's the risk if this is a disaster?

Celebrating Your Wins

• Why do I do this? Why will I grind into this?  (Remember your why, even if it is a small why)
• Celebrate your victories
• Have a mastermind for your goal: have a group of people that support your wins
• Does the top of the mountain motivate you?  Gamify how to win.  Does the process motivate you? Ask how you measure success in the journey, because sometimes you get what the 'win (the cookie)' is wrong.

Letting go of risk

• If you fail your ultimate goal, but the process was worth it? Then the risk is worth it (Doesn't mean zero negatives)
• Define success and define failure  
• Define the risk of here's what happens if you don't solve this challenge right now (if you continue to sit all day and not move around, you'll have poor health).  The opportunity cost of not moving forward
• Imagine that you've defined a worthy goal, and you decide not to do it.  What are the prizes/punishments of not doing it.  (There can be benefits!)
• You should triangulate goals all the time.  You can learn from those around you.
• Too often we get off the bus too soon
• Comparing ourselves to others who are already successful ignores the small wins we do on a daily basis as someone starting out

Was overall a very interesting and compelling podcast! 

Course on meditation prematurely cancelled

 The gentleman that uploaded it decided to private all the videos for some reason.  

There goes the meditation schedule!  

But honestly, I think the meditations went off track after a while, even though they started really interesting.

I think I might try redoing this meditation idea, but do it differently.  I don't think that this kind of meditation is for me...it was both quasi-spiritual and quasi-philosophical, and I don't think it's a good idea to mix the two.  Either start with some questions to examine a state of mind, or stat with questions to examine our relationship with God, but they don't really belong together.

Not to say philosophy, religion and spirituality don't belong together, (in truth, they do) but the emphasis should be on how to work through problem statements, and most of the time, basic meditation and philosophy of religion don't work well together.  (Also, this particular set of meditations focused on light metaphors, and I'm anti-light/dark metaphors most of the time for religion)

Anyways!  I need a new meditation practice, I guess?  I have been shafted by the universe apparently.

Sketching Nov 12 / Remembrance Day

 

I had a lot of thoughts about Veterans Day/Remembrance Day, most of them negative.  The latest generation doesn't remember, or doesn't know that there were world war veterans, or that there are even wars going on today.  This isn't a 'kids are bad' post, this is a 'current adults are not doing enough to help us all remember the price of peace.'

There is a lot of talk about representation on Remembrance Day (good) but there is a lot less focus on the act and the work to be done, once a year, to contemplate what it means to live in a time of peace, and that peace does not come without a cost of life (bad).  I wonder if young people today can comprehend, that to have what we have, people have died, and not just a few people, but an amount that can barely be counted.

The idea that your entire city, your entire country, burned to the ground, to start again.  There are places, now, where things like this happen all the time.  We are so lucky to live where we live, to have the freedoms, the privileges, the access to so many positive things, the rights that we have. 

I hope the future generations can find peace in this large, large world we live in.  I hope there are adults that can teach young people today, that the world they live in is ripe for change, but change for the better still has a cost.  It is not free.

Course Corrections 14 and 15: I will let everything go & God is the light of everything I see

 Today was about the Sedona method, which I had never heard of.  It is composed of 3 questions:

• Could I let it go
• Would I let it go
• When

And this to me seems very helpful, when thinking about negative emotions.  I found this to be a good way for me to think about having a quick check in for any emotion that might get my hooked.

The day 15 meditation was ok, but I think in my case it was not super helpful.  I found it a bit disjointed, and also I don't tend to enjoy metaphors of light = God. (I did a whole master thesis on Manicheism in the Catholic Church, which was all about trying to turn Christianity into an extended light/darkness metaphor...)

Overall 14 was a very good meditative exercise. 

Day 12-13: Determining to understand/Learning to accept

Listening is one of the hardest interpersonal skills to learn.  As an adult I would completely agree with this.

Often we are thinking to agree, disagree, to fix, to solve.

But what is more helpful is learning to accept what is, no matter what happens, but we need to learn to accept the moments, feelings and thoughts that show up in your head.

I think this is one I have worked on for a long time, and I feel comfortable with this particular meditation.

Course Corrections: Exercise 11

 Today's exercise is about recognizing that I/you invent the world we live in: shaped by our thoughts, hopes, fears and dreams.

This exercise was about introducing the feeling of being in charge of what we're looking at, how those things make us feel, how we could feel depending on how we direct our thoughts.

As someone who has spent a lot of time alone this pandemic, this one was perhaps easier than some exercises.

Course Corrections 9-10: Your Thinking Impacts Everyone Around You

 The instructor used the analogy of a string of Christmas lights: if one light goes out, all the other lights around you go dark.  How to be a leader in times when your attitude affects others? I'm omitting 9 as this one ended up being about the 2021 political inssurection in the states. 

When doing the general check-in, I thought about the fact that I'm hopeful.  Even when I'm not feeling great, or feeling like I'm making mistakes, I am generally quite happy and hopeful for the future.  I know I'm incredibly lucky, I've been given incredible opportunities to succeed, and to be happy.

I would say this meditation brought me joy today, and a good perspective going into the weekend.

Course Corrections Day 8: Meaningless thoughts show a meaningless world

 Starting with a body scan and mind scan, we start thinking about intentional vs unintentional thoughts.

Think about your room, about world issues, etc. today's mediation is about detaching yourself from the meaning you already attach to things, news, feelings, etc.

Part of today's exercise is about the absurdity of thinking that we can detach our thoughts from the world, our instant reactions to objects in our environment.

A simple example: I have a paper cut on the knuckle of my finger.  Every so often, I am reminded by a dull pain, which reminds me how it happened (small accident) and both the pain, and the thought of a simple mistake that causes me pain, is a source of irritation and 'small misery over small things.'  (Or perhaps a large misery over the trivial...) This sense of dull pain contributes to my life in ways that I don't always recognize. It tells me that the world is dangerous when I am thoughtless, or perhaps when I am thoughtless or uncareful, that is when accidents happened. (Followed by berating myself for such a minor but unpleasant mistake....)  I cannot leave behind the thought that 'I wish I didn't have this paper cut' because the physical world and sensation of pain is part of my day-to-day experience of my body, which shapes my thoughts, which shapes my experience of a day.

This exercise to me seems to be difficult to process simply because it is easy to look at things as 'new with meaning' but it is very unlikely I am able to look at things that are 'meaningless' and think thoughts, and value those thoughts about the world meaningless as well.  

Course Corrections Day 7: Rethinking how to think

 By changing your thoughts, your brain can be rewired, or redirected, but you have to be aware of your thoughts. You apparently have over 6,000 thoughts per day.  Today's exercise is becoming aware of thoughts you have:

• I am tired from staying up a bit later than planned reading
• I am a little bit cold from the change in temperature
• There is some tension in my neck, probably from sleeping a certain way
• I am relatively full; it is shortly after breakfast
• It is morning, my thoughts are turned to small problems and projects at work
• My thoughts this morning have been about some regular topics of the season (Christmas plans, cleaning, organizing my room, thinking about keeping up fitness during the winter, etc)

I found this mediation very helpful and relevant today.

Course Corrections Day 6: My mood

 This one was more about doing a mood audit, as opposed to a body audit.  Today is all about managing mood.  I find that in the morning, my mood is a bit more insular, I need about an hour to wake up in the morning, before I'm fully aware.  

I find my mood is very good in the early evening, after the day is nearly over and I have exercised and had a proper dinner.

I find my mood through the day changes, depending if I have a physical injury, if I'm hungry/thirsty, etc.

I found this meditation to be useful, even though it was a simple one.

Course Corrections Day 5: Observe your body

 Today's mediation was about tuning into your body.  He used the term 'the sensations in my body don't have any meaning', but this doesn't seem accurate.  Instead, I would say this was a mindfulness exercise about paying attention to your body.  

I was a decent exercise, but I would rate this one just ok, as the start of it had me confused.

Course Corrections Day 4: I don't understand what anything is for

 The point of this meditation is too look at everything as if for the first time.

I have taken this meditation in a different direction today, as I try and understand how to piece the world together.  In the world of product development, you look around for what you can use from what already exists.

In my personal life, I'm looking at the combinations of things that make up my life (family, friends, coworkers) and I'm trying to find gratitude in the combination of good things that exist within me.

It's also good to look at things with fresh eyes of what needs, changing, improving, or retiring.  

I would say this meditation today was helpful to me in recognizing the beauty in everyday things, even though I took it in a different direction. 

Course Corrections Day 3: Everything I experience, I give it meaning

 Very philosophical today.

If we accept that we create meaning, intentionally, then there is a way for us to direct our thoughts, and feelings toward both positive and negative experiences.

He used the example of a zoom meeting that is boring you, and how you can change the meaning of your immediate day.

He didn't speak of anything very complicated, which I liked.   

This meditation I would rate as fairly philosophical, and not very difficult.

Course Corrections Day 2: Nothing in this room has meaning

 What stands in my way is the meaning of everything I have made.  This includes:

• Objects
• Feelings/Thoughts
• People (Negative or Positive relationships)

Noticing my body, my feelings, and how I'm doing.  I would say I'm feeling neutral today, which is pretty much tuned towards being happy/positive.  I'm not in any pain and I'm somewhat well rested.

But learning about attachments means letting go of what things 'mean' today.  So today's practice is very hard for me, because being able to say nothing has any meaning to me isn't true.  Lots of things have meaning to me.  I feel deeply connected to this world and attached.

I would rate this meditation as difficult and somewhat unpleasant, since I am in a good mood, and detachment for me means trying to lower it.  

Course Corrections Monthly Meditation: Day 1

 So for fun, I've started doing a 5 minute mediation per day from this Youtube series.

Today's mediation was about noticing things around you. And having awareness of objects.

I would say what happened most to me is I noticed textures.  I noticed the difference between the textures on the floorboards vs the texture of a large towel.  The grain in the wood on the bannister.  The difference of light in the hallway versus the light from the window.

This episode is about practicing resetting our ability to look at things as is for the first time, focusing on surroundings.

I would say this day's meditation was fun for me, as I often spend a lot of time filtering out what I look at on a regular basis.

The year of 37

 This year was especially good to me.  Things I'm blessed with:

• I saw my family, and spent quality time with them
• No one (or nearly no one) got COVID seriously or otherwise. I'm thankful for this everyday
• I had a job through the pandemic, when many didn't.  
• I had people to talk with, had activities to do every week, even when shut in during lockdowns
  

This year was a blessing for me, not because of all the things I had, but because of the essentials that were put in place by me, my friends and family, and God.  It's those essentials that keep you going when you wonder how you'll face another day in a small four walls, and with no real change or variety to lighten the days.  And we all know, there were some long days.  

And I still managed to accomplish some of my goals this year:

• Goals completed: 10/37
• Number of goals affected by pandemic (Aka. impossible to complete): 15

  There are some that are half-completed, and some goals/plans changed so much in the year I was 37 that it was hard to know what was worth completing, and what was better to just leave to the side. I'm sure most people felt this way: What to do? What to bother completing?  Does getting out of bed count as high functioning?  Yes, probably.

But I did accomplish a few things off my list, some of which I'm proud of:

 

• I spent time with Vita, my grandmother. I love her dearly, and it was hard to schedule and see her safely
• I worked on my financial investments this year.  They aren't anything exceptional, but it is good I am at least attempting to plan for the future
  
• I read over 10 books (I'm somewhere on book 26-7), and often non-fiction books and books on hard subjects that challenged me.  White fragility was probably the most thought provoking that I read.
  
• I planned to run a 10K, but since it got cancelled, I can at least say I run about 5-10K every week at a leisurely pace (yet another activity cancelled by the pandemic last year).
• I managed to do fun things with friends, even though most events and plans were cancelled

 37 was not exactly what I thought it would be. But overall, I'm happy with how the year went. A lot of good things happened, some not-so-good things, and some things that were surprises.

 

More than anything, I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that, yes, I am an adult, and I'm going to have to make adult decisions, some of which will be hard, and experience adult things, some of which will be difficult.  But life is a wide road, and though some experience have been shut off for all of us in the last two years, I still have a hope for a better future for younger generations. 

Practicing Thistles

 

Mental Health in the Pandemic

 This week I had a hard time at work...I think I've learned that I even I have limits, and that breaks, real breaks without thinking about work, are important.

Waiting for life to happen, waiting for things to be better in life is hard, sometimes necessary. But one thing that isn't necessary is suffering because some small infraction at work has sent you over the edge. (I definitely went over the edge and back, and then back again!)

My life, and my work, compared the countless other people working through their issues, healthcare workers especially, are really struggling.  I'm struggling in part because this feels like such a time of helplessness. I feel helpless at times.  It's not a great feeling.  Perhaps it is just part of growing older...I'm not sure.

I'm taking next week off for my birthday.  I'm hoping I can go back to work with a fresh mind and a fresh start.

Thinking about Afghanistan

 

I've been saying prayers for the men, women and children of Afghanistan lately.  I just want to say that what is happening to you, to your country, is not fair.  The collapse of normalcy, of peace, of hope for the future is not your fault, and all of you deserve a brighter future.