TOW: Taking It Personally

You know, I have had a lot of things happen to me this week that have been very failure-like.  There have been times when I have, quite literally fallen asleep with my face on the keyboard.  (That day was pretty rough.  Heh.) 

This week I was supposed to have a show go on for a theatre production I'm working with, and it had to be rescheduled because the actor got the flu.  Kind of rough when you put on a one-man show.  (You kinda need that one man.)  This is the second failure-to-launch experience we've had, and it really upset my producer.

I also had a very public disagreement with someone I'm working with.  That conversation still makes me shake my head a bit.  Sometimes you work with people that are both frustrating, and inspiring.  I am sure I looked a little stupid in someone else's eyes, even if it's not my fauly, nor do I understand why this person is frustrated.

But, you know, the way I feel is much, much different now than the way I used to feel.  I used to take accusations that people made really personally.  And every time I failed I felt like I was a failure, as well.

Maybe part of growing up for me is not taking that kind of failure to the level of my personality.  I guess because I have sort of been hit over the head with what constitutes failure versus success so many times over the last year, that I'm sort of starting to get immune to that feeling where you say, "It's all over!"  and then pull a Juliet when Act I hasn't even ended.

The one thing I talked to my producer about, and also to myself lately, is that whenever I start feeling like a failure, is that setbacks are not permanent unless you choose them to be.  Every challenge is really an opportunity in disguise.  Other people can label you, but the only label that matter is the one you put on yourself.  I definitely have been wallowing in negativity this week as I question myself, and where my life is going over the next couple years, but those feelings are there to guide me, not hold me back. 

In life, there's only one thing you should take personally--and that's your personal journey in life.  Everything else is just a stop or a slight detour on the way.  I feel kind of proud of myself that I have managed to rise above other people's feelings and events outside of my control.  Because, really, in the end, the only thing I can control is my own mental state of mind...and even that's tough.