Saying Goodbye to Friend

 

A friend of ours tragically passed away two weeks ago.

It was sudden. There was no cause that anyone knows yet.  As said today during the funeral, it feels like a bad cosmic joke.  A successful, soft-spoken guy that accepted so many different people into his life.

One thing that I think about is that there should have been more time, and the truth is, there's never enough time.

So many things in life don't make sense, and this is one that also doesn't make sense to me.  I still think that it's not real, that it didn't happen, because he was so full of life and drive, and then suddenly not there.

My heart is just aching for everyone who has to pick up the pieces and move on.  

I don't have many words to say, but only a deep sadness for a person gone, but not forgotten. 

The Second Half of Life

You know, nothing irritates me more than those blog posts of 90 year olds saying 'life has just begun for me!'

Because, the numbers don't lie. You have until 100, or less. So after 40, you are half done your life.  

 

I'm over half done my life.  But I don't feel regret about anything particularly.  My regret is simply the same as most people my generation and most people everywhere. I often feel I am frustrated by the circumstances I live in, by the systems, by the missing opportunities that should exist. 

I can imagine what these opportunities are, or would have been, earlier in my life. But they simply weren't available to me.  And, unlike every single self-help video or book in the world, it wasn't something I could obtain. 

The things you know you would do as a young person, as a different person...there are things you could have done, but only if the technology, time, money, environment, people and luck converged. And even if all those things came true, you might still be worse off than you are now.  It's like saying I would be an Olympic athlete, if only I didn't have cancer that took my legs.  No one is bringing back the legs.

There are many things I have tried to do in my life, but I suppose very few things have been successful. The good news is that the things I have been successful at, have led to a stable life for me that I enjoy. That is pretty good.

But I still have a deep hunger for meaning as an adult. And that is not because I don't have direction, aspirations, goals. It's actually the opposite. It's because I know that life and its end are inevitable, that sometimes it feels like every small creative endeavor, every attempt at self-betterment, every attempt to change, seems silly in the face of decay, of self-lessening, of having access to only meager means to increase, advance or surpass expectations.

Because every moment in bettering myself is a moment spent in agony, in purgatory, in wishing to have enough time to be good enough to enjoy what I create and not feel empty.

Because every time I make something for me, and for others, I am emptying myself.  And there is joy in being empty. But being empty requires time to become full again, to have something to express myself with. And time is in short supply as an adult, no matter which path you walk in life.

We have nothing but time. And yet time is never available, not the kind you want, not with everything you need.  But. But....every moment spent doing good is a good moment. In a moment of goodness, we are ourselves.

And that's why I feel cheated. Like most people my age. Like perhaps all people who make it to my age. We have finally seen a hint of ourselves, and soon we will disappear, like ghosts or mermaid tails in the wind.

Easter 2025 Musings

This Easter was very reflective for me. This Easter Vigil was the first time I went to Easter Mass at the new church here in our new town.

The church was old, and looked like a giant barn from the 1960s, not exactly similar to the beautiful cathedrals of downtown Toronto. But it was absolutely packed full of people. I was very lucky and got one of the last seats in the house, though I was prepared to stand the whole two hours.

The readings this Easter were about Moses taking the people out of Egypt, and through the Red Sea. This famous passage is something I always take something different from.  

 What stood out to me was the tambourine and the column of fire and smoke.  The joy of the woman Miriam, the prophetess, and the wife of Aaron, takes up the tambourine at the joy of their emancipation. The very real joy of the present moment, not tarnished by the future upcoming, of which there would be many tears, nor the sadness of the past, but only the joy of victory.

And this passage in particular in Exodus:

And in the morning watch the Lord in the pillar of fire and of cloud looked down on the Egyptian forces and threw the Egyptian forces into a panic, ²⁵ clogging^[c] their chariot wheels so that they drove heavily. And the Egyptians said, “Let us flee from before Israel, for the Lord fights for them against the Egyptians.”

In our version it was called 'the pillar of fire and smoke' and I just thought about that, about the fear of something great that can extinguish all life, but instead is leading people away from a life of slavery.  But it was a symbol of great power, of something mysterious and luminous, that defies the natural order of men and kings and armies.  

I also found it mildly amusing that their chariot wheels got clogged.

In the face of great inevitable power, what are we? We are only someone trying to flee the wrath of nature and the man or woman who is our enemy.  And there's no promise of an easy life once we've left a life of oppression. There are only questions, and a sort of natural human nagging and annoyance that we traded a safe life under oppression for a life in the wilderness and the desert.

But I found the two images kind of arrested me: the tambourine, the pillar of smoke and fire. The overwhelming sheer power, the joy and freedom.  Joy and dancing, beside that which is mysterious to us.

 

   

 

Goodbye, to my old college program

Today I went to a farewell party for my old PR program, which is shutting down after many, many years being a program for young professionals to grow.

Many people I knew over the last 10-12 years have done really well for themselves, and I've followed their career fairly closely.  They've been doing really well as directors, managers and coordinators of communications, public relations and marketing. They are hardworking, incredibly smart, dedicated individuals. They've succeeded.

But the Ontario education system has not. Ontario colleges, to fill the gap in funding they took it from international students, which then turned into a housing crisis. which then turned off the international student tap, which then meant colleges are now closing and struggling.

When I started in my program there was maybe 1 or 2 international students.  When the program ended, the mandate for the programs was to bring in as many international students as possible. (Slightly differently worded, but the same outcome for my college program and many similar programs.)

And we can't train only local resident Canadians because then the government shoulders the cost of education at the post-secondary level.   And the cost of real, practical post-secondary education is a problem no government wants to solve or pay for, federal or provincial.

It's expensive to train people. It's expensive to give them a world class education. We are beyond lucky we have the good teachers and good educational systems built into Canadian values.

But the creative programs that're being cut from Ontario's colleges will, eventually, have negative effects.

Where will we train young people before they get into the workforce? Are we going to be returning to unpaid internships and a never ending promise to pay younger employees?

Training costs money. You can't avoid that. And if the government won't address the educational gap that will eventually exist, what kind of quality of work will we have in Canada, which is known as a country of experts and highly skilled and highly trained individuals?  

I'm not all doom and gloom, but it's telling that a full program of students can still shut down because the funding does not exist for what is an extremely modest program with mostly part-time staff and very little corporate costs other than a nearly run-down Degrassi set and some stationary.

It's college programs that will continue to make Canada a great nation; it's great teachers and great ideals that produce the kind of workforce Canadians can be proud of. 

Feeling down today

 I think I read too much news today.  And more importantly, I think I'm just very aware that I live in a time on the verge of war.

It's sad because it's completely unnecessary.  But I guess I don't think like others do.

We have more than everything we need, we just don't have the answer to capitalism, which has gone far and away to drive the absolutely insane choices in the last 5 years. 

I know despair is not the answer, nor do I think everything is at an end, but I do think that it's hard not to feel powerless in the midst of great political upheaval and change.

And I guess I never thought I would be living in the middle of something like that.  I always felt like Canada was one of the safest, most boring places in the world.  I still sometimes feel that way (from a statistical perspective and a societal top-level look).

But it's hard.  It's really hard to be an adult, and it's hard to know now, the truth of how things work.

In times like these, I do look to prayer, and to meditation.  I'm reminded of the prayer of St. Francis:

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me bring love.
Where there is offence, let me bring pardon.
Where there is discord, let me bring union.
Where there is error, let me bring truth.
Where there is doubt, let me bring faith.
Where there is despair, let me bring hope.
Where there is darkness, let me bring your light.
Where there is sadness, let me bring joy.
O Lord, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console,
to be understood as to understand,
to be loved as to love,
for it is in giving that one receives,
it is in self-forgetting that one finds,
it is in forgiving that one is forgiven,
it is in dying that one awakens to eternal life.  

I'm still contemplating deeply what it means to be alive in this time, and maybe I'll write more later.

Jesus in the Desert

 Today was a very good homily on Jesus and the temptations in the desert.  Often I find priests do a bad job of this scripture, and kind of waffle, but I really appreciate the homily today because it spoke to the very difficult truth of how hard it was being in the desert. How the devil appeared right when Jesus was weak and had the option to consider what could be possible if he backed down from his beliefs and values.

 As the world of money and Christianity continues to evolve into something strange and unpleasant, I'm reminded this Lent that there are people that are not trying to take over the world, or destroy, but there are people that exist who are building, and trying to continue to build, even in the eye of great temptation.

Gospel, Luke 4:1-13

¹ Filled with the Holy Spirit, Jesus left the Jordan and was led by the Spirit into the desert,

² for forty days being put to the test by the devil. During that time he ate nothing and at the end he was hungry.

³ Then the devil said to him, 'If you are Son of God, tell this stone to turn into a loaf.'

⁴ But Jesus replied, 'Scripture says: Human beings live not on bread alone.'

⁵ Then leading him to a height, the devil showed him in a moment of time all the kingdoms of the world

⁶ and said to him, 'I will give you all this power and their splendour, for it has been handed over to me, for me to give it to anyone I choose.

⁷ Do homage, then, to me, and it shall all be yours.'

⁸ But Jesus answered him, 'Scripture says: You must do homage to the Lord your God, him alone you must serve.'

⁹ Then he led him to Jerusalem and set him on the parapet of the Temple. 'If you are Son of God,' he said to him, 'throw yourself down from here,

¹⁰ for scripture says: He has given his angels orders about you, to guard you, and again:

¹¹ They will carry you in their arms in case you trip over a stone.'

¹² But Jesus answered him, 'Scripture says: Do not put the Lord your God to the test.'

¹³ Having exhausted every way of putting him to the test, the devil left him, until the opportune moment.

Just Making a Note of It - Trade

 I didn't think this would be another year of fascinating world events, but here we are.

I don't have lots of thoughts to post online today, but I'm hopeful for the future.  I'm just sad because a lot of people are going to be hurt because of some really, really bad decisions. 

I wish I had more to say, but internally, I'm just throwing up my hands in the air every 20 minutes.

Spiritual Reflection: Fishing and Failure

The Lord challenges the disciples, after being out all night, and catching nothing, and they catch endless fish.

The feeling of failure and exhaustion is part of our lives, we cannot remove it.  Instead, the Christian message is about the recognition of our inability to be great or perform miracles on our own.

 Instead, even in our inadequacies, God asks us to fulfill our vocations, even in our weaknesses:

  

Luke 5:1-11

Jesus Calls His First Disciples (NIV)

5 One day as Jesus was standing by the Lake of Gennesaret,^[a] the people were crowding around him and listening to the word of God. ² He saw at the water’s edge two boats, left there by the fishermen, who were washing their nets. ³ He got into one of the boats, the one belonging to Simon, and asked him to put out a little from shore. Then he sat down and taught the people from the boat.

⁴ When he had finished speaking, he said to Simon, “Put out into deep water, and let down the nets for a catch.”

⁵ Simon answered, “Master, we’ve worked hard all night and haven’t caught anything. But because you say so, I will let down the nets.”

⁶ When they had done so, they caught such a large number of fish that their nets began to break. ⁷ So they signaled their partners in the other boat to come and help them, and they came and filled both boats so full that they began to sink.

⁸ When Simon Peter saw this, he fell at Jesus’ knees and said, “Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!” ⁹ For he and all his companions were astonished at the catch of fish they had taken, ¹⁰ and so were James and John, the sons of Zebedee, Simon’s partners.

Then Jesus said to Simon, “Don’t be afraid; from now on you will fish for people.” ¹¹ So they pulled their boats up on shore, left everything and followed him.

 

 

Because the talents of the disciples, they were not made to be priests or people who were charismatic, etc.  Jesus called normal people to be the disciples; not the people with most influence.

Even as we, or the disciples, recognize our negativity, our inability, still we are called to be fishers of men.  Great things are possible through the grace of God, but not through our own power.  We need each other, and a new mission will appear to make a good life possible not for the small group of friends or family, but something that is bigger than we can imagine. Even in failure, we rise.

 

Moving

On Feb 1st, we will move.  It's a big milestone for us, and I'm pretty excited.  Not really sure what the future will bring, but excited to start a new chapter.

On the flip side of that...I'm tired, my back hurts, and I've eaten mostly take out for the last three weeks. It's been fun, but I'm ready to get back into a schedule that's a little less full!  I love full days like this, but I also know it won't always be sustainable.

Me now is harder working than I was when I was younger, I think.  Which is funny, since when I was young, I had all the energy but none of the motivation, and now as an adult, I have the motivation, but not always the energy!  You really can't win.

It's sad because I see little things where I notice myself aging.  My body can't take as much punishment as it used to.  I watch a little closer all the small things I should or shouldn't be doing.  It's not a bad thing...just means I'm adult, trying to set myself up for the next 30-40 years of my life.

It's funny because I feel like I barely have a handle on how to be an adult, and yet my body is telling me adulthood is here and middle age, too! 

Lots of dreams for the future, though, even while I contemplate how tough moving can be.

I hope we will be happy, and like where we are.  Hopefully the commute is ok...we are moving father away from work which will be a new challenge.

So far, though, all the painting, repairing small things, packing and interior design stuff has been really fun!  There's going to be a lot to do this year, but I'm looking forward to new experiences and new joys.

 

 

New Years Day

 2024 was a bad year.

Not catastrophically bad, but like, just bad. Not great.

Canadian national identity crumbled over the last year. Our neighbors reelected you-know-who, and we got told we should be a 'singular' state.

My childhood's friend's dad (and basically my uncle) passed. A lot of friends had some tough times this year, and lots of family members were struggling with midlife this year and inflation. Money problems were very real this year.

And my dream that I would have a normal Christmas ever again with my entire family pretty much died this year.  My parents are entering their golden years, and although they like to still host everyone, that time is coming to end.  My brothers and their families are starting to do what any family does, which is turn inwards as they grow older.  This was the first year I ever felt like I was really a bother and not fitting into people's schedules and put in second place by people. I remember there was a time when uncles and aunts stopped coming around, and I never understood why.  Now I understand.

It doesn't mean I love my family any less...but it does mean I understand that things have changed enough for me that Christmas might not be the same for the coming years.  It means that there will be other times that are special times, and I will have to put in a bit more effort to make special memories separate from the way things used to be.  The adage that 'showing up will make a difference!' actually doesn't apply here.

I had some small health problems here and there, and I am starting to feel my age a bit.  Which is normal, but still not great for someone like me who likes to move!

But that doesn't mean everything is bad.

I came to terms with a lot of what the future will look like for the next little while, and I honestly believe my 40s will be my time to work hard, and to explore my career and new opportunities.  I think there are lots of good things coming up in the future, but I'm now a 'real' adult. I feel I have all the problems of real adulthood now, maybe just a little later than some did.

It just means I got more years of happiness and idyllic thinking that the average person.  And I'm definitely mourning the loss of that feeling, but I can appreciate that I had it at all.

I've worked on some cool creative projects, and worked on things that mattered to me.  And there's definitely going to be more of that this year.

But would I say this was 'the best year yet?' no, definitely not.  I have very mixed feelings that I'm still parsing at the end of this year. 

I'm curious to see how I will feel at the end of 2025!  I wonder what it will be like.

Halloween 2024

 

September Long Weekend and Growing Up

I think it's pretty normal to think about the start of a new decade and where it's going.  Especially when you're relaxed and in a quiet place for a long weekend.

And where is my life going?

I feel very much that as much as I have tried, and actually really succeeded in planting good things and good events in my life over the last year of 40, but I still feel something missing for me.  And maybe I'll be able to put my finger on it, but I guess I feel like a failure in many things that I wish I was a success in. And most of that change is about the people around me changing as we grow older...because there's no stopping the march of time.

It's something I feel very seriously about a loss of connection between people I care about...and not everything is something I can control or contribute to.  Sometimes it is simply that it is part of what life is.  Some of life is embers, some of life is a roaring fire.

And maybe being in 40-50s is about orienting ourselves to something other than youth. Because I have heard more 'I used to do that' or 'My back is killing me' or 'This is my new medication' this year than I thought possible.  (And I was prepared for quite a lot of it!)  

And I think the curtain has been pulled back a bit for me on the mysteries of aging.  Some of those things are not mysteries about what they are and how they will unfold.  It's now something I discuss with my friends who are 10-20 years older than me.

But my question is always: Who will we be in 5-10 years?  I hope I can have a life full of laughter and love still, and that there's still good moments coming the future to brighten a day or a week or a month.   

Because sometimes I think that I understand love, and I understand where I am going, and then suddenly I find, I have been spun around, and I don't recognize the surroundings of where I am, or why I am, even though the people in my galaxy are the ones I have always known.  Sometimes the world spins me, and sometimes I wish I had the power to spin well with it.

Where will we be in 10 years?

While I don't write about politics a lot, I am thinking about political issues a lot, as these are the kind of headlines I see:

 

• Economy posed to be in biggest bubble possible
• Immigration numbers won't meet needs of failing birth rate in North America
• Climate change causing wildfires and flashfloods in areas never seen before
• Unemployment rising for 16-24 year olds
  

 

When you see things like this, you wonder what can be done?  What can possibly be the future for younger generations?I already worry about myself and people my age, and still we have enough for now...but what about in the future?

 I thought when I grew up, I would be part of a vibrant group of people my age 'making it' and I'm kinda starting to feel like no one is making it these days, not really. 

I'm somewhat worried for the future.  People my age have no idea how we can progress to build wealth and some people younger than us are just giving up all together on wealth building.  They don't see a future where that's possible.  Where can there be a future where young Canadians see the world with hope and possibility?

I know this is a bit doom and gloom compared to my usual blog posts, but I do worry about the state of things, and I really wonder where we will be in 10 years.

Panty Bliss and the History of Drag

 Went with several friends tonight to a drag show with activist and comedian drag artist Panty Bliss.  I didn't know anything about her, but most people seemed very excited that she was visiting.

Apparently she's a big deal in Ireland, which is kind of like saying that you're a big deal actor on a Canadian tv show.

Panty Bliss was one of the spokespeople for Ireland becoming the first country every to legalize gay marriage by popular vote and win by a 65% vote.  She describes herself as someone who is a not-perfect spokesperson, and someone who grew up with a lot of anger and defiance, and considers herself more punk than spokesperson.  Listening to her on stage, you wouldn't believe it, as she's incredibly well-spoken.

But the comedy show had a very serious undertone, which was that the art of drag is slowly becoming Ru-ified, which is to say that drag queens are entertainers and the reason people go to gay bars.  But Panty Bliss had a comedy show that was also a very honest look at gay history: drag queens didn't exist to entertain; they existed to tell other people fitting in wasn't the point, and they didn't need anyone's permission.

Panty's recollection of gay rights, and of gay-bashing, gay suicide and also of men and women (and trans men and women) who lived in the closet or left Ireland because they were truly outcasts resonated so strongly with gay men and women that I knew growing up.  Being gay in Western Canada (and in most places in Canada) wasn't a death sentence, but it wasn't a way to live, either.The things Panty talked about were things I remembered as a young man.

I hope that young people today, can find ways to learn about queer history before it disappears...because I grew up experiencing it, and the world that was described as Ireland in the 1980s, was the world I grew up in.

Ice cream for Spring

 For Alex's birthday, he got a Ninja Creami (which is a terrible name for a good ice cream machine).

We have been making different flavors for the past few months.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 You can't really tell, but some of these flavors worked well, while others were a total bomb.  (I'm looking at you, cinnamon roll!)  But the strawberry (second attempt, anyways) and the pinapple-orange ice cream turned out really excellent.

It's been quite fun to make ice cream ourselves, we were discussing this with our friends Mike and Sarah....they have a professional ice cream machine and they have been working on the basic flavors and agree the simpler the flavor choice the better the result.  Apparently they make a wicked coffee ice cream.

My allergies have actually been manageable this year, which I'm very thankful for.  Unfortunately, it's the long weekend in May and Alex is working, and I'm sick at home with some kind of super cold, so I have been mostly bed-ridden for the last four days.

 

It's given me lots of time for reflection as I feel like this year is definitely a year seeing a lot of people change and circumstances, change, especially me.  I wonder what my life will be like in 10 years (If I manage to live that long.)

 

I worry about the wars in the Middle East and in Ukraine, and I worry about how I'm supposed to be effective as an adult sometime/most of the time.  

 

It's been wild and fun, parts of this year, but then there's been times of extreme quiet, and it feels like a bit of an odd back and forth.

 

But it's good, it's sort of giving me some time to reflect on new routines, and different things I'm interested in doing this year. 

 

Anyways, that's all for now, back to laying down and not having energy!

 

 

 

March-ing on!

Had an interesting conversation in my 1-on-1 with my manager today...lots of changes in our department, hard to say where things will go.  I feel like I will have a lot of change at work in the next 2-3 years.

Contacting several real estate agents, trying to figure out who we are going to work with, it's a bit of a struggle, but I'm learning as we go.

I have lots of 'maybe' on the horizon, but it's hard to put into words how strange it is to have no idea what's coming next.  I think the pandemic conditioned me to expect every day to basically be the same! 👀

I have been putting off doing a new list of goals or to-dos for the near future, because I feel like my life is going to be very different by September, so it's hard to plan ahead and think 'I'm going to have time/energy/money to accomplish some of these things.'  Perhaps I'm affected by a bit of decision paralysis, at least until things calm down a bit.

I'm starting to feel like a senior in my workplace, which is a nice feeling, but also everyone is suddenly younger than me!  It's a lot to deal with. 

Overall I'm pretty happy right now.  Alex and I have a good routine going, we are working on small creative projects here and there and trying to find time to organize fun adventures and experiences.

Here's a fun photo of Alex and I skating

February Already

 Whew!  So much time has passed, and yet January felt very slow. 

I have been reading less than I want (for pleasure and for my Youtube channel) because I have been learning a lot of new information for work on how research works in our department through various projects and working groups.

My brain has been pretty full this month!  But it's been a good thing. 

I feel that 2024 is just a year of change.  Lots of trying to figure out where I'm going, where other people are going....it's definitely a year of trying to make sense of the next 4-5 years.  

Alex and I are talking about moving potentially into the GTA.  We'll have to see where we land!

 

 

New Year's Eve 2023

 

 

 

 

First photo of 2024.

Last video of 2023

I learned a lot of things this year.  Some things that happened:

• I worked another year at my job, and it went pretty well
• Alex and I lived together for a full calendar year
• Liz got a job and moved to Saskatoon
• Karl got enrolled to be a police officer
• My parents (both sets) are figuring out how to 'do' retirement the way they want
• My niece was in the Nutcracker with the Royal Winnipeg Ballet
• I think I have found out more about how to be a good adult this year, probably more than the last few years where life was on pause
• I went to concerts!
• I turned an 'important' age, although it doesn't really feel like it.
• I watched inflation change pretty much everyone's life

 

Life keeps changing, and some things get harder, but some things have come with experience, and that's a net positive.  Overall 2023 had a lot of positives, which make me hopeful for 2024.

 

A Poem

A Magpie in Flight

 

If I die and when I die, 

I hope my heart bursts with stars.

I hope the children with kites and caterpillars

See my constellation true.

 

And if I die and when I pass, 

My soul might visit Mars.

A warring planet of hope and mystery

So that the adults could know I who I was at the last

And if I fall, and when I die,

Might my eyes be opened,

The light that strays like wanton ribbons

From devil's grasp to angel's heels

From earthly wants to history, defined.

 
And as I live, and while I live,

May the forces of time not concede

That I was a man, a lonely man

A bitter man of greed.

 

A birthday post

It's that time of the year again...my birthday.  It's a milestone birthday which is good.  But it's definitely been a year of ups and downs.

I tend to get moody around big birthdays, and go from being really happy to really melancholy.  I am an extremely lucky person with decent health and a good partner and a job and stable place to live.

But around birthdays (much like this one) I sometimes dwell on what I have versus what I wish I could have. Certainty in the future, removal of stress from rising costs, adult decisions, and changing relationships with friends and family.

Life is not easier as you get older.  "I think that I could have done more this year," that's what I always think almost every year.  I think about what I would do if there was two or three of me.  There is never enough time, and that's the thing that's always so tricky...time is tricky.

A reading on my birthday.

First Reading: Colossians 1: 21-23

21 And you, whereas you were some time alienated and enemies in mind in evil works:

22 Yet now he hath reconciled in the body of his flesh through death, to present you holy and unspotted, and blameless before him:

23 If so ye continue in the faith, grounded and settled, and immovable from the hope of the gospel which you have heard, which is preached in all the creation that is under heaven, whereof I Paul am made a minister.

As I reflect, this Bible reading is very apropos for my birthday: because there have been moments of great darkness, thinking about the future, and being alienated is certainly a feeling I feel, the older I get.  I have come to realize I am an adult, I am no longer just a young person who can get away with doing as he wants, nor is that the kind of person I envision for myself.  

But one thing I have learned through this year, in the face of great nihilism: faith is central to everything that I do, and that is my mantra going forward into my adult years.  The mistakes I make are my own, but the good that I do in the world is a fundamentally through something greater than me.  What is good, what is real in this small blue world is about something other than me.

So, even in a year with great mistakes and many moments that were both sad and hopeful, I'm looking to the future.  I still feel there are great moments in time waiting for me.  There is much more good to discover in the world.