Illness and advice

And that's the truth. I am just sacked for energy. I have a thesis meeting on Thursday, so now I have to go do a second edit, and then I'll send my promoter a copy. Hopefully he reads it, and does not immediately put it through the academic paper shredder, like usual. Sigh.

In other news, I don't have to work today because a student cancelled.

I'm really thinking about staying here next year, and maybe just working teaching english for next year, and taking a year off for myself to kind of regroup before I continue, whatever 'continue' means. I can feel myself pretty on edge lately, and I know I have to really buff up my language skills...so while I COULD do my PhD now, I think I might take some time off. If I don't, I feel like I might have a mental breakdown. Like I did this weekend. (I thank all parties who were there for me this weekend when that happened. I couldn't have made it without you. You know who you are.)

Anyways, I would still like some advice...if I get offered the MPhil, or PhD here, I'm considering turning it down anyways, and waiting a year until I've sort of put everything back in order. There are a lot of things I would like to do which I haven't had a chance to at all. For example:

i) I have been here for almost two years, and I have yet to visit any place that could be considered 'exotic' or even 'touristy.' While I don't pretend to be good at travelling (Re: Every time I've ever travelled) I do think it's valuable here, and I learn a lot by doing it. And besides, I would like to really have a vacation, something I paid for myself, and really go nuts. The closest thing to that was me visiting London for two or three days in the summer.

ii) I need time for myself. While last year was good, several things had happened
a) I had just finished working with a summer camp where I burnt myself out completely, and then left for Europe 9 days later.
b) I had just moved away for the first time for real, and it was my first time away living in a different culture. For those of you who never have, I can't explain exactly how horrible or how badly people can be hit with culture shock, but it's usually extremely bad. I don't care if you visit some place for three months, or 6 months, or whatever, but living, really living somewhere within a culture has a much different effect. And being unable to 'culturally recharge' on a consistent basis makes it only harder, not easier.
c) I moved here completely by myself (with the help of the momster, I can't thank you enough for coming with me to be there for me) and then built everything from scratch. My Belgian buddy ditched me at the naked lady statue in town. Yeah. It took me a year to find pepper here. And I just discovered somewhere that sells cottage cheese. So, it's all me, baby.
d) To be honest, I had all the time in the world, and not enough contacts. I didn't know enough people, and there just wasn't enough time to get to meet people that I really appreciated and genuinely liked. I'm starting to understand what Ralph means...the similar style ex-pats are not always the people you make the best friends with. It's the people who you can relate with, and surprisingly, they're often not from your country when you go abroad. I don't need people to give me Canadian culture, but I do need people who can support me. And, really, when I got here, I didn't know how or where to look for those people. (And I'm not sure I knew who they were when I found them, either. Strange.)

iii) I haven't had time to draw, really draw, since I've started working. Which is really terrible, because I was in the middle of getting much better. Well, relatively speaking. It's just for fun, anyhow. I like it, anyways.

iv) In all honesty, everything I used to enjoy just seems like work. Everything seems like work, and the longer I continue to burn the candle at both ends, the harder it's going to be to go back to normal-land again. I want to be able to enjoy my hobbies, running, reading, drawing, writing stuff on my blog, making indecent conversation on video with Montserrat, etc. These things don't happen anymore. I work, go to class/work on thesis, eat/sleep (Sometimes at the same time, can be dangerous to my health), do laundry, and shower to clean myself. That's about it. Sundays I spend at theatre, then home, talk to family and friends if they have time, and then go to bed at 3am-4am.


So, the more I look at the list, the more I think I'm some kinda basket-case. I don't think I'm living in a very healthy way right now, and there are a lot of things I need time to deliberate on, and I think my experience this year has been that I have limits, and that I can push them for a while, but if I do it forever, I'm going to be a big mess. And get sick. Like now. =)

Anyways, I would really like some advice. What do you think? Should I stay in Belgium? Do you think I should go back to Canada for a while? I am not sure what I am going to do with myself...I personally don't want to leave here, but I am aware that I haven't check all the legalities yet, so I'm not even sure I can without studying here. Or marrying someone European. Eh heh. Anyways, not the point. What do you think? I could really use some thoughts on this.

OK, back to work. Later!

Mistake.

Today I'm totally blaming the fact that I stayed up until seven in the morning on my need for communication on Sundays. If it wasn't for the fact that everyone is so very available on Sundays and not on, say, Saturdays or Fridays or Thursdays, or maybe Wednesdays, but definitely not Tuesdays and certainly not this Monday because I'll be sleepingthen I could talk to people and be happy, or even I could go to class at eleven this morning and be very happy. Because a happy Brennan is a Brennan that says, "I am still cognt!" Coegnt, no, bogtne, no, wait, augh. See, that's what I get. Not cogent. Anyways, I'm totally screwing myself for the week, I am. Oh boy this was stupid. Why did I do this? Stupid having to write papers for every Monday class. Augh. I'm doing it to myself, really. Why am I still here? Why aren't I sleeping?

On the bright side, it's not raining yet today. I'm in a strange mood today. I don't know what to do with myself.

I think I'll go make breakfast.

Patrick's Prize, in several installments

This is going to be Patrick's prize, and if I get time, I'm going to do the full art project that I planned. Unfortunately, that may be after my thesis as opposed to before. So, until then, enjoy your prize, Patrick! This was one I wanted to do for a while. =D

Blogger Q

Does anyone else have the issue with the new Blogger of it ignoring your paragraph breaks when using pictures? I'd appreciate not having to go into the HTML to fix this...if it's fixable. This is really annoying for me. So, hopefully I'll figure it out. Sorry for the messiness until then.

Brennan's...no, wait, Ralph's Cookbook. Sorry.

Yes, again, I have been working on the cooking skills. This time I was doing field research, and, I thought I would share the process with you all, and hopefully you get something really tasty out of this. Ralph and I made dinner one, night, and, actually it turned out to be three dinners, but that's what makes it so great! Love the mess, baby!


Ralph's Triple Threat Meal Deal

1.5 kg (or so) or ground beef (Or, if you're English, 'mince')
2-3 white onions
1 clove of garlic
1 red and green pepper each
8-12 small to medium mushrooms (8 if medium, more like twelve if medium sized)
Lasagna Noodles, no-pre-cook (We used organic-esque healthy pasta shells and lasagna noodles)
Cannaloni noodles, same deal
1 box of frozen spinach...about 2 cup fresh, 1 cup frozen, maybe bit more, depending on preference
3-4 bags of pre-shredded white cheese
salt and pepper
6 cans of diced tomato (normal soup can size)
1 can of tomato paste (for more tomato-y)



Cheese sauce-
flour and water (a roo? reiaux? I don't remember...something french which means something which means you need to look at the picture to understand what I mean. Sigh.)
Milk
1-2 bags of shredded white cheese
Cayenne pepper

1. This is about how much meat we used. Uh, maybe this is more than I thought. I originally put 1 kilo in the recipe, but now I think it's a bit more than that. Anyways, regardless, about as much as you can put in your two hands, that's about how much meat it is. Uh, just guessing.

2. You will now need to cut the onion, garlic, peppers and mushrooms into neat little piles. Or just make a big mess like I did. Ralph is a bit of a kitchen nazi, so while I was enjoying myself making a mess, he was busy asking why the garlic and the onion wasn't chopped yet. And then he asked if I was going to leave any vegetables for the meal, or if I just wanted to eat them all as I cut them. Eh heh. Some things never change, yeah? SO, chop the garlic and onion first (you'll need about 2 onions and three-to four little pieces of the clove of garlic. Wait, is a clove shaped like an apple slice or is it the whole unit of garlic??) and regardless, you'll use it with the meat.

3. Once whoever is the head chef has the said garlic and onion, in this case, Ralph, then throw the garlic and onion in with the meat itself. Cook the meat until browned properly. Now, DIVIDE the meat, two thirds in the pot, one third set aside.

4. You'll need to add some tomato (or, as Ralph would say, some toMAATo. The English. I mean, really.) to the pot, and maybe some spices. Ralph used oregano, salt and pepper some water and some wine. If it was me, I would have used some different spices, and less salt and more pepper. =D You can use any spices you like, but make sure it goes well with meat and tomato...there are lots you can use.

5. In the end, your meat should look like this. Or, if I was cooking, it would look like this, but more burnt and less tasty. The head chef had quality control going on pretty strong, so there were no real issues. This will be divided in two, one part used for a lasagna, one half used for a sphaghetti bolognaise sauce. You'll need to watch and cook the meat and everything on a low to medium heat for about half an hour to forty-five minutes, which means now is a good time to do everything else you wanted to do. Like make a third dish! =D

6. The meat you set aside earlier will now be used. Mix the meat and the spinach, and then stuff the pasta shells with the mix you have, put in the bottom of an oval or round dish until you have filled it, or nearly filled it. And, under no circumstances eat half of it while you make the meal. You'll be heavily criticized. Or, perhaps, criticised. Hah! The English!

7. Next, no picture, simply take a can of tomatoes, and spread it over top, and even out the tomato as best you can. Under no circumstances let someone criticize your skills at spreading tomato evenly on top of a pasta dish. If so, contemplate hitting him with a big wooden spoon, or flicking soapy water at him while doing the dishes.

8. Next the sauce. This is the hardest part, according to Ralph. Cooking the little flour and water dough ball thingy until it's dry, then add some milk, and whip quickly until the sauce goes smooth. The dough ball should be about 1/2 a cup of flour or so, I'm guessing? Ralph says it's very natural for the sauce to go chunky and unhappy, even if you measure well. So, just stir quickly and add milk as it thickens. Ralph made enough sauce for two to three dishes, so he's used about a litre, maybe two litres of milk. Once the sauce is smooth, add cayenne pepper and cheese. Sauce should be an edible meal now. Under no circumstances should you eat half the sauce before eating the meal.

9. Now comes the easy part. Get out a bread-sized pan (So, 2X11, I think, something like that), and fill it with layers of lasagna noodle, cream sauce, and the meat mixture. Just layer it as nicely as you can. Should be fine. (I'm envisioning major crises in the kitchen, if I actually try this by myself. Hopefully it turns out well for others.) =D Take cheese sauce, layer over the cannelloni dish, and then cover both of them with a layer of shredded white cheese. Pop these in the oven for 30-45 minutes, or until somewhat brown on the top at your average cooking temperature, about 350F or 17o-80C. (I'm getting much better with the metric here, by the way.)

10. While all this is happening, take the last third of meat mixture that you still have on the stove, and put the peppers in it, let it cook and simmer, make sure that most of the liquid has drained. If it has, the sauce is ready for spaghetti! Take out the other two when ready, and there you have it!

One! (Spaghetti sauce!)

Two! (Lasagna!)

Three! (Take a big fat guess!)

We ate the lasagna that night, it was fantastic, and I had some of the canneloni today, and I have spaghetti sauce in the freezer. I'm eating well for at least another three to five days! =D =D =D

Well, tonight was the first 'real' night of theatre, so that was nice, and hectic in its own right. I'm getting really near the breaking point, I think, need a little more rest, and I have to be careful about how much sleep I get...it's been a little too little, lately, I think. I've been playing catch-up for a week, and it's still not enough. And I'm not sure I can keep pulling the go out Friday night and stay up past one or two, and get up at 645am to go to work at nine on Saturdays. It's just too much for me to handle, especially given that I have theatre on Sundays and I have a paper due every week until final exams on Mondays and classes until 5pm on Monday, and then 9am class on Tuesdays. It's really just too much. So, more care of myself, maybe. OK, well, I have to go to sleep. Later!

You know, I know no one finds it funny but me, but every time I read that little diet thing, I laugh. That diet is me all over with everything I do. The funny thing was that I was looking for something completely different. Isn't it strange how you find funny things like this on the internet? I love the Web sometimes. We're good friends. When you're in another country where you don't speak the primary language, it becomes a really good friend of yours. I don't know what I did without the internet.

Oh, wait.

I read more.

Right.

Well, true, but it's helpful to have this for little ol' me. I like the Internet most days, and it really helps me to talk to my family on a more regular basis. Although I still like to send letters and postcards, the time factor is pretty limited lately, but I'm making sure to make time for myself.

And, also, work has been really slow lately, so I've been able to really catch up. =)

OK, Later! =D

The Non-Stress Diet

The Non-Stress Diet

This diet is designed to help you cope with stress which normally builds up during the day.

Breakfast
1/2 Grapefruit
1 Slice Whole Wheat Toast, Dry
8 oz. Skim Milk


Lunch
4 oz. Lean Broiled Chicken Breast
1 cup Steamed Spinach
1 cup Herb Tea
1 Oreo Cookie

Mid-Afternoon Snack
Rest of the Oreos in the package
2 Pints Rocky Road Ice Cream
1 Jar Hot Fudge Sauce
Nuts, Cherries, Whipped Cream

Dinner
Loaves of Garlic Bread with Cheese
Large Sausage, Mushroom & Cheese Pizza
4 Cans or 1 Large Pitcher of Beer
3 Milky Way or Snickers Candy Bars



Rules For This Diet

1. If you eat something, and no one else sees you eat it, it has no calories.

2. When drinking a diet soda while eating a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are cancelled by the diet soda.

3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count as long as you don't eat more than they do.

4. Foods used for medicinal purposes NEVER count. Example: hot chocolate, brandy, toast, and Sara Lee Cheesecake.

5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.

6. Movie-related foods do not have calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel. Example: Milk Duds, Buttered Popcorn, Junior Mints and Tootsie Rolls.

7. Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking the cookie causes calorie leakage.

8. Late-night snacks have no calories. The refrigerator light is not strong enough for the calories to see their way into the calorie counter.

9. If you are in the process of preparing something, food licked off knives and spoons have no calories. Examples: Peanut Butter on a knife and ice cream on a spoon.

10. Food of the same color have the same number of calories. Examples are spinach and pistachio ice cream, mushrooms and white chocolate.

11. Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other.

Mistake?

I totally forgot yesterday was Ash Wednesday. Oh, I HATE it when this happens. I really, really love Ash Wednesday Mass. It's one of my favourite masses every year.

This makes me feel like I really need to re-evaluate things. Because of several crisis which unearthed themselves on Saturday and Sunday, I couldn't go to Mass, mega guilt, and now I miss Ash Wednesday Mass. Seriously, all the signs were there, but Brennan just couldn't solve the puzzle. The memo was given by several people, but Brennan didn't check it out. I always vaguely remember when these dates are, but rarely do I remember in time. My planner usually has all the religious events in it, like it did last year, but now this year they don't include them. This drives me CRAZY. Man, now I'm too frustrated to work on my thesis. And I'm tired. Curses.

I don't have enough time, which is the problem, and this is getting out of hand. The last thing I want to have happen is that I leave out my spiritual activities because I'm so busy with work and my thesis and everything else. This isn't what I planned, and I need to stop the bus, back up, and make sure I'm making time for the things that matter. Too much time is being spent on stressing and not enough time on actually getting things done. Life change on the rise. =P

Then again, I should just realize that this semester is just going to, by nature, be busier and more stressful. This is crunch time for me in about five ways, so I can't help that things are going to be more than a little unravelled now and again. Hopefully I can just be ok with that and not get really stressed or accidentally burden other people with my stress. The best I can do is just keeping pushing forward, and I'll make it. Stop, though, and I think I might be crushed by the avalache. =)

Late Night Episode

*******************************************

Yes, and there it is. I broke my tooth in half. While. FLOSSING. I had a Brennan-is-flailing-moment, and I was so scared and frightened that my tooth nerve was exposed, I was scared that I wouldn't be able to get it fixed, and then my tooth would rot, and then they would have to pull it, and then I would have bad teeth not because I was bad with my teeth, but because I was trying to keep my teeth in good condition after years of misuse. (And really, I used to be terrible at keeping my teeth clean. Really. It's only the last 6 years or so I've really upped the ante for teeth health.) OK, deep breath. Also, lately, I've had this fear of my body dying and being bad and totally misused because I've been so bad to it in the past, that when that happened, all I could do was guilt myself for all the things I had ever eaten in my entire life.

While I was back in Canada, I talked to my dentist, and said that I was having a problem while flossing, and felt like there was something wrong with my tooth. Well, it was clearly that my tooth had a crack in it, and when I looked it in it the mirror, it had the same sort of calcium line that my other tooth that went bad has. So, now I'm concerned that maybe I have some sort of calcium issue? But I really do try and have enough calcium every day! Honest!

So, anyways, being the hypochondriac that I am, it's clear to me that I need to resolve my mental issues. And, I spent all day today which was supposed to be spent on my THESIS in the hospital, in the emergency, waiting to get my tooth fixed. On the bright side, they applied a real filling instead of a quick-fix filling, which basically saved me another day of this kind of mess. Also, they didn't apply freezing, and there was totally lots of dental pain, but I said I would just stick it out, and I was totally proud of myself, because of my HUGE fear of dental pain. (For the longest time, I was pretty sure the worst way to die was having all my teeth drilled out in an angry way by a crazed dentist) All I could think about was how big a wuss I normally am, and how much freezing normally they apply in Canada, but in here I am in Europe, being stauch. I bet my dad would have been so proud of me, and referenced my Scottish heritage. It's what I was thinking of when she drilled into my gums or directly into my nerve! =D Uh, yeah, I think she was a dental student. But I felt the trust instead of the mental terror, because I teach english to people much older than me, and I'm sure they feel it's patronizing in a very similar way. Also, she spoke next to no English, so I even used a bit of Dutch, but it wasn't very helpful, so we made do as best we could. My tooth is fixed, shouldn't have any more issues, and I'm fine. So, I'm proud of myself. I'm slowly dealing with parts of me that have old fears. It makes me feel really great.

Although, really, I'd rather have all my teeth in place.

Lively Slideshow

Well, I just thought I would update on all the things that I have done in the last month or so, since I've really missed out on doing so. So, here!

This is a picture of when Montseratt decided to make Mexican. It was terrific. I helped her make tortillas.

This one looked like Africa. Go Africa!

In the end they turned out very nice, and Montseratt was very happy how they turned out. As per usual, she has no confidence in her cooking skill, which is too bad, because she's a very good cook.

This is my Italian friend Alex, who came over to make us an "Authentic Italian Meal" *All rights reserved* and here he is, making tiramisu! =D

This is us at the dinner table, and as you can see, there is a lot here. =D We had a very nice dinner, and I can tell you, "Authentic Italian Meals" *All rights reserved* is MUCH better than anything I've ever had in terms of trying to make Italian myself.

This is Ralph eating a Bradwurst in Germany. I had one as well, and it was very good, and everything I ate in Germany was excellent. I went to Germany...um...two weekends ago for the first time ever! It was pretty neat, and Ralph's German-Brazillian and Spanish-English friends had me try the beer there. It wasn't that bad. Germany is very nice, and the culture is much different than Belgium...can't really explain it, but definitely got a feel for it. I think I would like to go there again, and I think I could live there. They're just as rule-based as the Belgians, so it wouldn't be that big a difference in terms of the culture-shock, I think, even though I can feel the difference.

This was this weekend, Ginny looking rather 'dashing.' =D Ginny is my Belgian buddy that I take everywhere and make sure she is ok while living in Belgium. I've done everything I can to make her feel comfortable here. So far, not too bad, I think. =) This was the night we went to the classical music concert. It was quite nice. =D

We went out for waffles afterwards. I got mine first, and even ordered in french! =D (OK, All I said was "Une Gaufre Liege, sil vous plait," but whatever. I STILL DID IT AND SHE UNDERSTOOD ME. SO THERE.) Ginny then asked what I said, and I said, "Just say 'One Liege Waffle, please,'" and she said, "One Liege Waffle, please." =) She's so cute. And she apparently got 90s in French in university. Look at me go, it's as if I should live here!

The last couple weeks have been busy with thesis and university, so it's keeping me up to date and there and here, so again, I'll try and be better with the updating, but's today I took a day off just to catch up on sleep. I feel much better, so I think I'll be ripped and ready for another months of working till I drop. =) I think it'll be alright. =D

Anyways, later!

Busy

Sorry I haven't had time to update on here...I've just been very busy. There's a lot that's been happening lately, but I've hardly had time to post any of it. It's been working, school just started today, and I'm having a lunch break, and I have been busy with a lot of little things that have been preoccupying my time lately, cleaning, errands, etc. (Speaking of which, I need to get groceries today. Eh heh.) Not a lot of sleeping. I have one more class today, and then maybe I'll do laundry this evening, yadda yadda. All the fun things in life. I don't have my first semester marks yet, but I think I did alright, so we'll probably get them next week. I have been taking lots of pictures, so that's alright. I'll try and post some of them when I get a chance.

BBQ

So, the neighbours had their annual BBQ this year, and it was a lot of fun. Since I am technically part of the nieghbourhood, I got to invite someone and also to hang out and eat and drink with these fantastic people. So, here's some pictures from the BBQ.

This is one of the neighbours (The wife/girlfriend of Nola, I think??? I'm terrible with names) enjoying hot sangria. No, don't ask me why it's hot. I don't know.

We all enjoyed the very cold weather, while eating soup, which Sum and um, (dang it can't remember names) the Romanian neighbour of ours made, and Patrick bought all the meat, which was sausages and hamburgers. So we had a regular style winter cookout. Very homey. Felt like Canada in some ways.

All the kids got sparklers, and since I was a Canadian, that's equivalent to being a kid at the neighbourhood BBQ, I guess. On the bright side (har har) the children who ran around with flaming embers on the end of small sticks from the fire did not manage to poke anyone's eye out. And this after Patrick took all that care not to have sharp objects and cleaners and what not in the children's reach. (It was kind of ironic, really.)

The man in the back is my Romanian neighbour, the man who started all these neighbourhood parties. Very fun, and a very good time. I made the mistake of accepting something which I thought was some sort of speciality drink from his wife/partner which I thought was just a kind of lemon drink. Well, it was, it was hard liquor made with lemon extract. Ralph laughed at that, but our Romanian friend pictured behind one of the many children that were there told us that he would give us all a taste of Romanian alcohol, and that I HAD to try some. Normally, I would never do such a thing, but I thought to myself that I should really try all these things, and even if I don't like, them (and I don't have to) I'm certainly missing out in some ways. So, I drank a glass of paint thinner, and a glass of paint thinner that tasted like someone squeezed a lemon in it. (Seriously, it was about 65% alcohol, no taste.) For someone like me that never drinks, I thought it was pretty great that I wasn't really drunk at all. Well, as far as I could tell...I don't know what being drunk is like, so I guess I have no idea.

This is Ralph and I somewhere near the end of the evening, both looking rather tired. The glass in Ralph's hand is the Romanian alcohol that we were given. We were told that women in Romania drink that stuff like a tall glass of water. That scared me. But, apparently, that's what happens in Romania.

Anyways, I am very sick today, not from the alcohol, but that I stayed up too late, and I had only slept for 4 hours the night before, and it was a really exhausting night in some ways, and Montseratt is probably right, that I got sick from wearing nothing but a t-t-shirt, jeans and sandals all night outside in the cold...although I didn't feel sick until much later when I was REALLY overtired, so I kinda did it too myself. Patrick, on the other hand is convinced I have a hangover. I have no idea. I feel fine other than just exhausted today is all. VERY exhausted, but that's because I'm sick. Nothing like it.

Brennan's Cook Book of Terribly---Good Food!

Yes, yes, it's time for another episode of--hey wait, where are you going? No, come back! I swear this recipe isn't mine!




That's better.



Yes, I came home for Christmas, and my mother, beautiful cook that she is, taught me how to make 2-hour buns. These are pretty killer buns. Not the family secret or anything, (we keep that locked away with a crazy uncle of mine in the basement somewhere, but I digress.) but they are very good. So, here is the recipe for 2-hour buns!



The "Mom makes everything better" 2-hour bun recipe


Ingredients #1:



3c warm water
1/2c of sugar
6 Tbsp oil
1 tsp salt
2 Tbsp fast rising yeast
1 tsp vinegar

Ingredients #2:


9 cups of flour (Oh man, yes indeed, that's a lot)
2 eggs

Some oil and water on the side for later.

1. Combine ingredients and let them stand for 15-20 minutes. My mother, the captain of the whisk, does the job here.

2. Meanwhile, back at the dude ranch...er, meanwhile, you need to sift 9c of flour. You can see how I feel about this. 9 CUPS!!! MAN!!!

3. To sift the flour, you can use anything you like, but we use a sifter that looks something like the Death Star with a green handle.

(I can sort of hear 'Thus Spake Zarusthustra' in the background when I look at this picture.)

Anyways, using a sifter makes a big difference when you make bread-like items, so a good sifter is really handy. You can use a strainer if you don't have a sifter, but be prepared for 9 CUPS WORTH OF GRUELING DEATH. Sorry. Seriously, though, even sifting it was a pain.

4. Now you'll need two eggs, and you'll need to beat them. I COULD make a bad joke, but why beat a dead horse when someone else can do it for you:

I'm so funny.

5. Next you're going to need to put things together. It's not all wet and dry, black and white, there's a little dirty work to be done here! You're going to want to make a little valley for all the wet stuff you have to sit in. Like this:

Now you'll use your hands to slowly build up the dough in this lovely two-part action shot of my Mom being deft with the dough (I feel like that should be dirty for some reason, but I have no idea why):

In the end, you should have a piece of dough that looks like this:

You may have to add more water or flour until you get the soft kind of dough you want. The dough should be QUITE soft, and very pliable. You need to use your wrists to really ply the dough.

6. Next, the dough needs a rest for 30 minutes. Yes, you want to make buns. Yes, you're hungry. Yes, you clearly have too much time and flour on your hands. Regardless, the dough gets tired. So you need to put it in a lightly oiled bowl, and cover it with a towel and put it to bed for a bit sort of like a kid who's had too much candy and has been running in circles yelling "Wee!" all day.

Wait.

That's me.

Never mind. Just oil the bowl already! *Grumble*

Next, my mom, the genius she is, says that you should turn the oven light on, and leave the dough in the oven, so that it doesn't get too cold, and rises well. Seriously, is this something tasty you're about to eat, or a chicken you're incubating for hatching? I have no idea. I'm just the baking assistant.

7. Next, you're going to get bored waiting. So you're probably going to do what I do, and make faces out of the dough. I DON'T suggest you do this. Your mother may smack your hand with a wooden spoon. While this does have some of the nostalgia, it certainly has all of the pain of childhood, with the added embarassment of adulthood.

Even if it's a cute snowman face.

8. Now that the dough has been formed and rested, you need to punch the dough, and basically pretend like you're the Russian guy and the dough is Rocky. It just takes the beats. Thankfully there's not a lot of propoganda associated with your buns, unlike Rocky IV. Anyways, you need to punch it for about a minute or so, and then let it rise again for about 15-20 mins, three times.

9. Once this is done, the 4th rise, you're going to cut the dough into small pieces, and roll them into balls. My mom does this a special way, so I documented it in a three-part action shot. She does this ninja fast, so I'll explain each shot:

-First take a small piece of dough, and gently place it in the fat of your palm

-Next, move your knuckles to the palm of your right hand in an upwards motions, making circles, pressing against your left palm, rotating. Currently, you can hear the sound effects, and they sound like, "BAM! BAM! YOU'RE DONE!"

In the end, you get a near perfect sphere which I have yet to master. Tragic.

10. The oven needs to be heated to 350 degrees F. Put the buns/balls on a tray, like this:

11. Bake them for about 15-20 mins.

And they look like this! Dude, that's a great shot, isn't it? Amazing!

In the end, they should look THIS GOOD. BUT DON'T EAT THEM YET! (I know, I'm terrible, but it's true. They can be even better.)

12. Now lightly brush the tops of them with butter and let them rest for at the bare minumum 15 minutes, and in the end, they will be so tasty, and so professional looking, that you'll want to open your own bakery. Especially because you're so good you know that brushing it with butter makes it so much more tasty.

However, you'll realize just how much time it takes, and you'll think, "Maybe I'll just buy them from the store." But they're good! Trust me! Worth the wait! It makes about 36 buns...I think. I forgot to ask my mom for how many they make, but they're good, dude!

Well, that's it for tonight, I'm going for a run, and then over to Ralph's maybe for supper or a movie or something.

Props to my mom for the recipe. Thanks Mom.