Funniest thing I've read on the Internet in a while

I just thought I would share a post I found VERY randomly in the online classifieds...


I'm sorry about the litter box (too scared of retribution!)


Reply to: pers-897355001@craigslist.org [?]Date: 2008-10-28, 7:13PM EDT

I'm really sorry to anyone who may have been injured or emotionally traumatized when a gigantic covered litter box flew from the big garbage bin, where it belonged, onto the sloping ground many feet below that goes into the parking garage.

You see, I got this litter box when my younger cat was a kitten, and he liked to throw litter everywhere, so I got a covered one to try to save my feet, bed, couch, floor, etc, from litter contact. It worked pretty well until a few months ago when I brought home another little bundle of joy, this time an adult cat from the Humane Society. At the Humane Society they don't let you touch the cats until you adopt them, so I didn't know exactly how fat this cat was then. To make a long story short, she is morbidly obese. So basically, she is too fat to climb into a covered litter box. I bought a regular one, half-ass cleaned the old one, and put it on the balcony because I didn't feel like pushing an elevator button and going outside to throw it out.

So, said litter box has been on the balcony, where I keep everything I don't want to deal with, for over three months. The other day my niece came over with her mom and nona, and she wanted to go on the balcony. But her mother wouldn't let her because, amongst other things, there was a gigantic litter box covered in pidgeon shit that made the balcony a very dangerous place to be. After months of procrastination, I finally felt enough shame to do something about the balcony.

So I cleaned it up today, now it looks less like an open air crack den. Because the garbage shute doesn't accept gigantic litter boxes, I took it outside to put in the big garbage bin. Except this was easier said then done because APPARENTLY downtown Toronto gets TORNADOES. I am a small woman, and had to fight not to be blown away where ever it is that tornadoes take cows, mobile homes, people like me, skodas and fiats, etc.. But there were fully grown men fighting to stay on the ground too!

Anyway, I tried to put it in the space between the garbage bin and the concrete wall, but the wind blew it against my shin instead, which really hurt, and it seemed like the wind was just going to push it against me forever more, so I figured I should try to put it in the bin. The litter box itself is light, but the wind made everything seem heavy. While I used all my might to throw it over into the bin, a cascade of urine soaked litter that had been deeply embedded in the litter box blew into my face. To be honest, I don't know if it was urine soaked litter, or if it was dust and dirt from the road that blinded me. Anyway, I died of fear, rather than live to die of whatever disease it is that cat litter gives women who aren't pregnant. In my blind state, I pushed against the wind to escape, and as I moved away, I heard, and looked back in time to see the litter box rise from the bin like a phoenix out of the ashes, float senselessly in the air for a few seconds, and then smash down into the parking garage.

Assuming that I was about to go blind, I didn't turn back to retrieve it. The wind would have made that impossible anyway.

I just wanted to say that I'm sorry, sincerely sorry, (mortified actually) that this happened. To all ye who may have suffered as a result of my cat's obesity, please accept my apologies. Also if anyone wants to make donations so I can put her on prescription diet food, instead of the iams diet food that doesn't work, then I will gladly accept them.

Location: Too scared of retribution!

Not Dead Yet

Hey Guys,

I've been overwhelmingly busy in the last two weeks, but now things are slowly coming into place. Sorry for the non-update. The updates that were supposed to happen have not happened. And I didn't do my laundry today. And I need a shower. And I have a letter to be sent to my grandmother sitting on my floor. I have almost no food left to eat in the kitchen. The to do list of mundane activities is starting to kill me. Soon it will overtake my life and eat me for breakfast.

Which reminds me, I'm out of milk. HOW AM I GOING TO EAT MY CEREAL IN THE MORNING!??!?! THE HUMANITY!!

I will post something in the next couple days.

Voting Day

Today is a great day to exercise your civil rights. I did, even though I basically had to run around the entire city getting one lousy piece of paper so that I could vote. Therefore, go patriotic Brennan.

The moral of this story is that if you really want to vote, you should. If you don't want to vote, don't complain about anything in Canada, since you choose not to exercise your civil rights. The people that drive me crazy are the ones that say there isn't anyone they want to vote for. That's insane. You can't tell me that you don't like all six very different people, male and female, middle aged or older, with different ideas on how to run the country and serve you properly in your riding who've banged on your door to talk to you about what issues you consider important. On top of that, even if you don't like your candidate in your riding/area, you should be able to say whether or not you like one of the main party leaders, and that every seat they have can make a difference for a certain platform that will benefit you, probably directly.

I don't think people need to be expertly informed to make a good decision by voting, but I do think people need to make a decision.

Get out and vote, and make a difference.

The Food I Desire

Hey All,

I am just letting you know I've decided to start keeping track of everything I eat in TO. There's a lot of different restaurants I try, so I thought it would be a good idea. I was originally thinking of doing it for an online magazine, but currently, I think it would be better just to do it for myself for a while. So until, I'm a famous food critic (Well, I already am, but y'know, famous enough to get my food free) enjoy the blog stuff. I think I will start my review on a theme, maybe per month...do you have any suggestions for possible food types? Leave a comment and make me feel hungry.

I Love Bad Advertising

My New Place

Hi Guys,

Well, I finally have a minute, and I remembered to finally put up pictures of my new place! Sorry about that, it's been busier than I'd expected. I mean, really. But I'm glad it's so busy. =)

This is my room, and it's a bit of a mess right now, I'm still trying to get a bit more organized. The bed is super comfy, even though it squeaks like mad. (Makes me feel very fat.) I get just the right amount of sunlight, and there is virtually no traffic, so it's super peaceful in my room. I still have to get a winter blanket, but other than that, I'm pretty darn satisfied.

I live on the third floor of a house, which, thankfully, for all it's wood floors, doesn't squeak. Now, I thought that the velcro strips on the stairs were tacky, but that was before I fell down them on my first day living here. My landlady was right at the bottom of the steps and she laughed her head off. Like I told her, though, only my pride was hurt because it was super embarrassing. So now, I'm a big fan of velcro pads on stairs that have clearly been painted with some kind of glossy paint. Can you say, DEATH TRAP?

This is the bathroom, which is really sauve. We have a biday in our place....I just kinda...stare at it....I have no idea how to use it, and frankly I am happy to be blissfully ignorant.

This the kitchen, which is always super clean, and once the dishwasher gets fixed, Iwill be in renting heaven. Regardless, there are two sinks, so it's almost the same thing. The stove is propane, and I nearly killed myself the first time I tried to light it (big surprise) but now I am fine.

This is sort of the living room/dining room area. I am sure I will use it for having some kind of house-warming-esque party when I get a minute, but right now, since I don't watch too much tv, I'm not using it a lot, so I don't sit on the fancy leather couch not included in this picture, and especially because I don't eat at the table unless I have someone to eat with, I don't use that dining area, either.

I have more stuff coming up on my blog, very soon, I will have time this weekend, so prepare to be excited for it! =D =D =D

Oh, and my new address is

57 Boon Ave

Toronto, ON

M6E 3Z2

General Life Update, Part 1

Hi Guys,

Just thought I would let you know what I was doing, since it's been a while since I've posted. I've just been so busy I can hardly find time to do anything these days except the basics. So here we go, there's more on the way once I have a place of my own, which I should know by tomorrow or the end of the week at the latest. Hopefully by tomorrow-ish.








This is where I work, at St. Mike's. It's a pretty nice place, and the people there are a lot nicer than I expected. It reminds me a lot of STM (an affliated college connected to the U of S back in SK) in a lot of ways. The people are friendly, there's a nice cultural bubble that makes you feel like you belong there, and every now and then people bring you a muffin or something. Maybe I'll post pictures of who I work with, a little later.





Just a picture of the sign. I took a picture of this the day before I went in for my interview. I thought it was a nice looking sign and all.


When I got here, Sarah had a party and invited a few of her friends.




This is Jess, whose name I forget on a regular basis, which is really embarrassing, and I keep thinking her name is Kelly, and then I do this mental walk-a-round from Kelly, to Seth, to Beth, and then I think it sort of sounds like Beth for about a minute, and then I remember her name.

Seriously losing my mind.

Anyways, she's really nice, and we get along quite well, I think. Nice girl.




This is all the fancy food Sarah made. I have a bunch more pictures on my phone, but I can't for the life of me figure out how to link up my phone to my computer. I thought I knew, but then I realized I had some accessories to my cell phone which I am not sure were supposed to be with it, so I will have to go back to the Telus store and talk to them. I'll probably come in there after having spent an unfortunate amount of dollars. =( They're really good at selling things, and I am SUCH a sucker. Sigh.




This is Sarah with her two best girlfriends, Katy and...Andrea??? Something like that. Anyways, we had a fantastic dinner made by Sarah, and we all had a really fun time.





During some part of the evening, Mike (Sarah's fiancee) decided to jam on one of his many guitars. Looking studly, Mike.





Sarah and Mike couldn't be here today, though, because they had to go to a cousin's wedding, which is why I have time to blog this evening. Sarha's hair is doing this new french-like thing, so she's looking great, and Mike dressed up really nice for the wedding as well. And no, Sarah isn't wearing a bright red skirt...it's just her very french coat that goes with her very french hairstyle. Even though she's technically Belgian-esque in heritage, she seems to have that frenchy hairstyle that is popular of late. I must admit, it looks really nice on her.

Sigh, other than that, my life HAS been eventful, but I have been so busy trying to get a place for the start of Oct. that I am just losing it, and I have had some trouble getting a place, or getting a place where it's roommates that I would like to have, or in a neighbourhood that I like, or at a price that I like. I don't want to move in by myself, and as long as my new roommates aren't crazy people (which there seems to be a lot of here) I think I'll be fine. I have been staying with Mike and Sarah for the last week, but like I said, hopefully I'll have a new place very soon, and it will all work out, and life will be grand, etc. etc.

OK, well that is all for right now, but I'll keep you all posted.

I have never laughed so hard in my life at 2am-Ninja Cat

Travel Plans

Hi All,

Just so everyone is aware, I am moving to Toronto. I have a job interview on Thursday, so we'll so how that goes. I am sorry that I didn't get time to contact everyone before I left, things just sort of fell into place for me. I will contact all of you (who know who you all are) as soon as I can, and I will send you all my permanent address when I have one. I am really sorry I didn't get to talk to everyone before I left, please believe that, but I will probably be back in Saskatoon sometime this year, so we will all catch up then, and you will be more than welcome to visit me, once, uh, I have a place that can be visited.

I have a cartoon half finished, and pictures are soon to follow. Might be another contest in the near future.

=)

For those interested, my flight leaves at 10:50 tomorrow morning.

Happy Birthday to Me

It's my birthday.

I'm 25.


Celebrate me.

=)

You May Live in Canada If...

My Mom sent this to me, for all my international friends, most of the comments are pretty well true, and I've done many of them.

YOU MAY LIVE IN CANADA

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May, you may live in Canada.

If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you may live in Canada.

If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you may live in Canada

If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialled a wrong number, you may live in Canada

If "Vacation" means going anywhere south of Muncie for the weekend, you may live in Canada.

If you measure distance in hours, you may live in Canada

If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you may live in Canada

If you have switched from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again, you may live in Canada

If you can drive 90 kms/hr through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you may live in Canada

If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both unlocked, you may live in Canada

If you carry jumpers in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you may live in Canada

If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit, you may live in Canada

If the speed limit on the highway is 80 kms -- you're going 90 and everybody is passing you, you may live in Canada

If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow, you may live in Canada

If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction, you may live in Canada

If you have more miles on your snow blower than your car, you may live in Canada

If you find 2 degrees "a little chilly", you may live in Canada

Well, that was new

Huh, I just got hit with Windows AntiVirus2008, the newest malware on the net.

Well, thankfully, it only took like 15 minutes to destroy, but I was very, very angry. I can't decide if the video codec for some video I watched who-knows-when had some sort of time sensitive malware attachment, or if me just being connected wirelessly to the Internet somehow just made me prone to someone going through my firewall/Norton lame-o virus protection.

(Actually, what I really think is what happened is that Martin downloaded it onto my computer, and he just flat-out lied about it, but being suspicious will get me nowhere.) However, I've read a couple other forum stories, where people basically started up their desktop and an unwanted friend had moved in. =/ So, however they're doing it, they're pretty smart about it.

I think the thing that made me really mad is that they have this horrible, horrible desktop wallpaper that installs with the program that is literally just an advertisement about how very infected your computer is. Anyone who knows me knows I LOVE wallpaper, and it's like....really, really mean when someone messes with my wallpaper. I was this close to sending them an angry letter! (Even if they would have sent me more malware. =P)

Huh, I think that would make a good wallpaper theme.

Your Personality is Very Rare (ENFJ)

Your personality type is dramatic, expressive, proud, and demanding. Only about 4% of all people have your personality, including 5% of all women and 2% of all men You are Extroverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Judging.

How Rare Is Your Personality?

Quiz Addictions

You Are Paper

Crafty and creative, you are able to adapt freely to almost any situation. People tend to underestimate you, unless they've truly seen what you are capable of. Deep down, you're always scheming and thinking up new plans. Your mind is constantly active. You are quite capable of anything you dream of. You can always figure out a way to get what you want. You can wrap a rock person up in your sheet of trickery. A scissor person can sneak up and cut you to pieces. When you fight: No one can anticipate your next move If someone makes you mad: You'll attack them mercilessly when they're unprepared

Are You Rock, Paper, or Scissors?

You Are Pinot Gris

More hip than most, you spot trends before they even really get started. If something is new and unique, you know about it... and you've probably tried it. You have a good number of projects, interests, and relationships - but they are all fleeting. The world is so appealing and diverse, you can't help but seek variety. Deep down you are: A true flirt Your partying style: Exclusive. You only party with people you've personally selected. Your company is enjoyed best with: A big bowl of pasta

What Kind of Wine Are You?

Job Interviews

Well, I am back on the job market, so if any of you hear of any jobs leads, please let me know, and let the employer know I am more than willing to relocate.

In other news, I have become addicted to job interview tips videos on Youtube. I can't help it. My favourites are the ones by Don R. Varney like his video on making mistakes and leaving your last job. Varney is great because he shows people how to talk during an interview and he sits behind his desk in an interviewer-like seat. Super real time.

The second one I like is Brian Krueger's Tell Me About Yourself, which is pretty great. Actually, I really love ALL of the one's of this guy...he's like those really old infomercials you would show kids, like the ones in black and white about diseases, war, famine, etc. Love it. And he's got a lisp. It's fascinating, because it's on his 'ch' as well as his 's'. So when he uses the word 'choose' (which he does regularly) you really hear it. The best part is that they are all one minute long, super sound bite style, and he has like, 25 videos. I seriously sucked out TONS of time watching these.

Well, back to the job search.

Family Trip

Hey all, FINALLY got my camera to work. I don't know what I did, but it works now. As per usual, the technological reasons of things continues to evade me. On to the pictures!

My Uncle Dave drives the motorhome for the (first?) time and we eventually make it to White Swan Lake, Saskatchewan. It's a big puppy. Granpa kept telling Uncle Dave to turn up the air conditioning, and turn this knob and turn that. I slept most of the way up there. The beginning of many long sleeps that weekend. I slept an average of 11 hours a day. It. was. AMAZING.

My Aunt Jocelyn who made her 'see-no-evil-camera' face. Can you believe this? Anyways, Aunt J and I have never spent any time together whatsoever, and she came up to SK, and we just had a great time. She is such a great lady.

This is my grandpa, relaxing after a long hard day of, uh, relaxing. To be honest, he probably did the most work out of any of us because he walked everywhere, which was really good for him. He walked up and down steps, and we even carted him to the beach on the back of a quad. (This is pretty awesome because he's pretty weak on his one side now that he's had multiple strokes.) He told lots of dirty jokes, God bless him.

This is the Sasquatch. I mean, this is a UFO. Actually, it's that other mythical creature, my- older-brother-Tyler-at-a-family-event. It was like seeing a unicorn for a whole twenty-four hours! Terrific!

Here's Vita (my grandma) helping prepare a giant fish-fry. Wow, this time around we didn't do as much fishing, but I sure did as much eating of the fish. Holy mackarel.

Here is my Uncle Dave, looking relaxed. It was his cabin we all stayed at, (actually, Brennan, the 'Prince of Dubai' as dubbed by my Aunt J, slept in a private trailer in the back.) and we just had a blast there. I must say, it was kinda nice having my own little trailer like that. I think the comment of the day when my Uncle Dave asked me if it was ok if I slept not in a bedroom, but sort of by myself, I managed to muster a pretty nice red-neck accent as I replied, "Wuhl, I always wanted to live in a mot-ar-home, Uncle Dahve."

Aunt J made a scary face for the camera. We played quite a bit of crib over the weekend. I actually won a few games as well.

Now this is interesting, and sad. While tubing, my swimming shorts literally shredded down the side. Everyone had a good laugh, but personally, I was more happy it didn't split down the centre area. Whew. I'm sad I lost my favourite part of swim trunks though, they were super nice.

Here's my Dad and his girlfriend, Cheryl. Cheryl and I formed a PETA alliance over the weekend, saying that we would protect the fish by putting the wrong bait and lures on our fishing rod, and fishing off the wrong side of the boat. (Which basically meant we caught a lot less fish than everyone else, and just chatted.) Honestly, we would do PETA proud with all our catch and release tactics. Yup.

This is FINALLY the picture I wanted to get with just me and my Aunt J, but of coure, I wasn't smiling. Thanks for mis-operating my legacy style camera, Uncle Dave. Sigh.

Again, Aunt Jocelyn finds a way to mask herself. This time with a passport. Nice disguise, they'll never find you in customs.

I never knew my Aunt Jocelyn before, but I found I really grew to like her more and more as we got to know each other. She's a pretty fun individual, even if she does have 'rock star breakfasts' (she's about my uncle's age, and she parties like she's my age. She usually started drinking around mid-day.) and is a little crazy, but I think it's part of her being in PR, and that she's really seen the world, been through a lot of trying circumstances, like a lot of people in my family have. I really respect the Hansen side of the family (My Uncle Dave, Auntie J, Vita) because I think they've all been through a lot of hard things, and yet they seem to me to be the people I know most capable of loving people that matter in their lives. They're really positive people, even in the worst of circumstances. *Unlike me, captial hyper-stress-guy of the century and worrier extraordinaire* I learned a lot about seeing the positive in things and people over this weekend, and that's a life skill I can never take for granted.

Great weekend.

Lame

Well, I have a bunch of pictures I want to upload, but my camera isn't uploading them. This is frustrating. I think my older digital camera just became a 'legacy' item.

=( =( =(


Anyways, I have been up at the lake with the Campbell side of the family for about five days, which is why nothing has been posted here. I will post in the next little while, I am trying to get my bearings. Lots of things to do this week.

Corporate Life

This was taken from a personal blog of a writer Debbie Ridpath Odi. Cool times. Her writing struck me. And it was pretty funny.


Woodpile Philosophy: A Practical Application
By Debbie Ridpath Ohi


This originally appeared in my Blatherings. In June/2000, I sold my Web site to a company to the U.S. and moved to Philadelphia for six months as an employee. My experience there was enlightening, to say the least.
After the Internet craze meltdown, my husband and I spent a great deal of time at the cottage during our sabbatical. During that time, I realized that my entire experience in the corporate world could be compared in many ways to stacking firewood. In a practical application of this woodpile philosophy, I've summarized my corporate experience in the scenario below.


SUPERVISOR: Hi, I'm Steve. What are you doing?

ME: Your company told me to stack firewood. I'm getting pretty tired, though. They said I could hire some help. When will I be able to do that?

SUPERVISOR: Hiring freeze right now, sorry. Anyway, you're not stacking the firewood properly. Here let me show you how. Here, why not try it like -this-?

ME: Um, doesn't it hurt when you do that?

SUPERVISOR: Hey, it's just a suggestion. Anyway, I need a report about how you think we can improve the whole process on my desk by tomorrow. And please hurry! We want a big a pile as possible as fast as possible! We -know- you can do it.

[Next day.]

SUPERVISOR: Hi, I'm Ted. What are you doing?

ME: Stacking firewood. Where's Steve?

SUPERVISOR: He's been transferred to Ops. I was hired yesterday. Anyway, you're stacking firewood in the wrong place. It should be over there.

ME: Okay. Uh, listen...I'm getting really tired here. Can I get some help?

SUPERVISOR: Sure, I'll see what I can do. And can you get a report to me about how you think we can improve the whole process?

ME: I gave a copy to Steve already.

SUPERVISOR: Oh. Well, I haven't seen it. I'd like an updated version on my desk by the end of the day, thanks.

[Several hours pass.]

SUPERVISOR: Hi, I'm Pete. Ted was transferred to another project. I was hired yesterday. Anyway, turns out we've run out of matches so we can't use the firewood yet anyway. Slow down on the firewood stacking until we find more matches, ok?

ME: Um, okay. I haven't had a break in a while, by the way. When do you think I can get some help?

SUPERVISOR: Soon, very soon. Anyway, you were stacking the wood in the wrong place. You should be stacking it over there instead.

ME: That's where I -was- stacking firewood, but Ted told me to stack it in the new place.
SUPERVISOR: Ted was wrong. You'll have to move the wood.

ME: Um, okay. But I have to warn you that I'm REALLY exhausted here.

SUPERVISOR: Ok, I'll see what I can do. And can you get a report to me about how you think we can improve the whole process?

ME: I already gave updated copies to Ted and Steve, but I'll print out a copy for you, too.

[Ten minutes pass.]

SUPERVISOR: Hi, I'm Lance. Pete's been promoted. Anyway, I know you're overworked, so we're going to hire some help for you. This is Gomer; he's here to apply for the job. Can you interview him and give us your feedback?

ME: Sure.

SUPERVISOR: And could you speed up the firewood stacking? Some potential investors from across the lake are going to be visiting, so we need as big a pile as possible as soon as possible. Oh...and I'd like you come up with some ideas on how to improve the whole process.

ME: I already gave copies to Steve, Ted, and Pete.

LANCE: But I never got one. Print out a dozen copies for the team, ok? We can discuss this in our next weekly Team Motivational Meeting.
[An hour later, after Gomer leaves.]

ME: I don't think you should hire Gomer. He doesn't seem to know what firewood is.

LANCE: Thanks for your input. We definitely don't want to hire anyone you aren't comfortable working with. And can you get a report to me about how you think we can improve the whole process?

ME: I already gave you a copy.

LANCE: Are you sure? I don't remember. Anyway, print out out another copy for me.

[Next day]

LANCE: Great news! Gomer's been hired to help you.

ME: I'm confused. I had recommended he -not- be hired.

LANCE: Just give him a chance, okay? Anyway, here he is...

GOMER: Hi there! I'm really looking forward to working with you to move this project forward, going forward. I have all kinds of great ideas to help us think outside the box. Let me know what I can do to help you.

ME: Um, okay. You could start by helping carry some of this firewood.

GOMER: Sure, absolutely, no problemo. But first I have a two-hour lunch meeting with my buddy, Pete The Senior Manager Who Has Great Influence in This Company. We go back a long ways, you know, ha ha. By the way, Lance wants us to come up with a list of ways we can improve the process.

[Next week]

LANCE: So how's it going, guys?

GOMER: Just great. Lots of things are happening.

LANCE: Why does the woodpile look smaller?

ME: Gomer accidentally set fire to the woodpile yesterday.

GOMER: That wasn't my fault. You should have -told- me not to pour gasoline on the wood and toss on a burning cigarette.

LANCE: Ah, that's okay, Gomer. If we need something to burn in the fireplace, we can use this stack of old papers I found in a bottom drawer my office desk the other day.

ME: Those are my Process Report docs.

LANCE: Great, even better!

Snowman Mascot

I saw this on Youtube, this has to be the funniest Snowman I have ever seen.

In other news, I might have a new job soon. Details later.