You know, we all say we want to achieve our dreams. The phrase in english, as it's put, is "Reach for the stars." I think we say that because we think that dreams are something far away, twinkling in the sky, making us happy just to think about them. Currently, I'm dreaming about cupcakes, but maybe that's more a daydream. Eh heh. Right.
We all have dreams for the future. Either for our families, friends, loved ones, and, of course, for ourselves. It's interesting that our dreams so often rely on circumstances outside our control or beyond our ability to foresee the future. Having a baby, winning the lottery, becoming a famous musician, getting married, getting the job of your dreams, these are things we can imagine. But we never seem to know how things are going to turn out in real life.
I recently talked with my friend Graham about having dreams and achieving them, and I think we both shared a similar feeling that we thought adulthood would be a somewhat safer, happier place as we go about achieving what we consider to be our dreams. The truth is, however, is that achieving our dreams means taking serious risks...risks that sometimes mean we fail. And nobody likes to fail.
People that we think had star-studded lives actually has serious issues and conflicts that they faced, and were only rewarded for persevering. George Washington lost all but one of his teeth by time he became president, and was in constant pain for the rest of his life. Rick Hansen, a famous athlete, was paralyzed from the waist down at 15 from a car crash. He raised $26 million dollars for spinal cord injury research and cycled around the world in his wheelchair. People have pain. People have problems. Most of the problems we have are insignificant compared to people plauged with disease, famine, or the loss of their friends and family.
The truth is we shape who we are, and we choose who we are and we can be anything, really and truly anything we want to be. Everything bad in our life can be a disaster, or an adventure. It can be an obstacle, or a challenge. The reason most of us don't reach our potential is not because we aren't capable of achieving our dreams, but because we turn back when the obstacles seem to be too much for us to surmount.
I guess we all think we want to achieve our dreams without thinking we have to sacrifice anything. We want to have success with the hard work. No one wants to change when they think about their dreams...most people just want the results without the consequences. All things in life come with a price, whether it's time, money, or health. Nothing in this world comes without a price. But, that can be comforting, because that means that even we have a value that can't be nullified, as individuals.
There is no obstacle in life so large we can't overcome it to achieve our dreams. As long as we are alive, we have a chance to change our lives and realize our dreams. It doesn't mean that dreams get easier as you get older. It seems to me, dreams become harder to achieve the older you are, but they are always, always still possible.
But what are you willing to give up in your life currently to make a dream real? And how long are you willing to toil for a dream you have?
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Friday, August 13, 2010
Monday, August 09, 2010
TOW: What Are You Thinking?
This week is devoted to the one thing all of us struggle with, and all of us fail to understand: what someone else is thinking.
In life, we play a lot of games--political games, games for fun, and mind games in the case of relationships. Sometimes it seems as if life is a struggle for power. But, in reality, life is only a struggle to understand what other people are thinking.
I think one of my least favourite games as a kid or teenager, was the game called mafia, or sometimes, werewolf. You had to randomly pick someone to be 'the killer' and then everyone else went around the room accusing other people of being a killer. The mafia, a werewolf, whatever. The truth is, I know I always wanted to know the truth...what is this person thinking, or what is that person thinking?
Most of us struggle with personal choices not because we don't know what we want, but because we don't know what other people want. Often, we use 'the norm' as a guide, but we sometimes feel stranded when we don't know how our spouse, friend, or enemy feels. We want to know, how do you really feel? What's really the truth that you're hiding? Can I trust the words you say? Are you part of the mafia?
\
I often find that life for me is a struggle to understand what other people think, not about me, but about themselves. I can easily understand what other people say about me--I simply need to ask. But understanding another human being's behaviour is complicated, and requires time and energy most of us don't have. How to interpret body language? How to know that the words people speak are true? It's not easy. I think what most of us hope for is a world in which not only other people can understand us, but that we can understand other people, and the things they want and need.
I don't have an answer yet as to how to conquer our need to understand what other people are thinking. I think it's a necessary part of life--we want to understand other points of view so that the world can be different, and interesting. But, the point remains that we would love to be able to crawl into the head of our boss and understand what they really think about us.
But we don't have that ability...so all we can hope for is a little mental security in our choices, in our own heads.
And even sometimes that isn't easy. What were we thinking?
In life, we play a lot of games--political games, games for fun, and mind games in the case of relationships. Sometimes it seems as if life is a struggle for power. But, in reality, life is only a struggle to understand what other people are thinking.
I think one of my least favourite games as a kid or teenager, was the game called mafia, or sometimes, werewolf. You had to randomly pick someone to be 'the killer' and then everyone else went around the room accusing other people of being a killer. The mafia, a werewolf, whatever. The truth is, I know I always wanted to know the truth...what is this person thinking, or what is that person thinking?
Most of us struggle with personal choices not because we don't know what we want, but because we don't know what other people want. Often, we use 'the norm' as a guide, but we sometimes feel stranded when we don't know how our spouse, friend, or enemy feels. We want to know, how do you really feel? What's really the truth that you're hiding? Can I trust the words you say? Are you part of the mafia?
\
I often find that life for me is a struggle to understand what other people think, not about me, but about themselves. I can easily understand what other people say about me--I simply need to ask. But understanding another human being's behaviour is complicated, and requires time and energy most of us don't have. How to interpret body language? How to know that the words people speak are true? It's not easy. I think what most of us hope for is a world in which not only other people can understand us, but that we can understand other people, and the things they want and need.
I don't have an answer yet as to how to conquer our need to understand what other people are thinking. I think it's a necessary part of life--we want to understand other points of view so that the world can be different, and interesting. But, the point remains that we would love to be able to crawl into the head of our boss and understand what they really think about us.
But we don't have that ability...so all we can hope for is a little mental security in our choices, in our own heads.
And even sometimes that isn't easy. What were we thinking?
Sunday, August 08, 2010
Friday, July 30, 2010
Monday, July 19, 2010
TOW: Prayer
You know, it's been probably since May that I've been able to pray. Prayer is something really special to me, and I think it's benefited me in ways I can't even imagine.
I have realized, somewhat recently, that prayer has been my crutch. Maybe it always will be. But, I have decided that the relationship I have with God needs to change, along with the relationship I have with myself. I can't ask God for happiness. I have to make it myself. It's part of free will.
I have decided to take a break from all the ways that I normally used to pray. Most of my praying, most of the spiritual work I did, it was out of a kind of obligation. Which is good. It is good to have responsibilities, of all kinds. Responsibilities keep us balanced, and quite frankly, keep us happy and grounded in real life.
But you can't pray for happiness. God can't give us happiness, and we can only be happy when we stop asking for things that we were meant to create ourselves, with our own hands, and our own minds. Sometimes prayer for me was a way for me to focus on other people's pain, instead of my own pain. But I have realized, that I need to spend time, focusing on what makes me happy, on what is my personal happiness. On myself.
So for now, I've stopped praying. Not because I want to stop...but because I need to evaluate my circumstances again, and think about myself. Sometimes prayer can be a distraction, to make us focus on a task instead of a relationship. Prayer, real prayer, is about spending time with ourselves doing a task, and getting something out of it that benefits our spiritual selves. I will have a regular prayer life, again, in the near future. I need to spend time with myself, in silence, away from too many tasks, and away from pressuring myself.
Maybe what I am really searching for is a way to communicate with God in a way that makes sense to me. I know that my ability to love relies on me being happy with myself. And, again, prayer is usually a product of a healthy mind, and right now, I'm still working on being healthy. Emotionally, spiritually, and physically. But like all good things, it takes some time.
I have realized, somewhat recently, that prayer has been my crutch. Maybe it always will be. But, I have decided that the relationship I have with God needs to change, along with the relationship I have with myself. I can't ask God for happiness. I have to make it myself. It's part of free will.
I have decided to take a break from all the ways that I normally used to pray. Most of my praying, most of the spiritual work I did, it was out of a kind of obligation. Which is good. It is good to have responsibilities, of all kinds. Responsibilities keep us balanced, and quite frankly, keep us happy and grounded in real life.
But you can't pray for happiness. God can't give us happiness, and we can only be happy when we stop asking for things that we were meant to create ourselves, with our own hands, and our own minds. Sometimes prayer for me was a way for me to focus on other people's pain, instead of my own pain. But I have realized, that I need to spend time, focusing on what makes me happy, on what is my personal happiness. On myself.
So for now, I've stopped praying. Not because I want to stop...but because I need to evaluate my circumstances again, and think about myself. Sometimes prayer can be a distraction, to make us focus on a task instead of a relationship. Prayer, real prayer, is about spending time with ourselves doing a task, and getting something out of it that benefits our spiritual selves. I will have a regular prayer life, again, in the near future. I need to spend time with myself, in silence, away from too many tasks, and away from pressuring myself.
Maybe what I am really searching for is a way to communicate with God in a way that makes sense to me. I know that my ability to love relies on me being happy with myself. And, again, prayer is usually a product of a healthy mind, and right now, I'm still working on being healthy. Emotionally, spiritually, and physically. But like all good things, it takes some time.
VOW: Study Like a Scholar, Scholar
This is a pretty good imitation of the most famous youtube video, ever.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
I Write Like
This website is fun. It's called I Write Like, and compares a paragraph you write to tell you which famous author you write like. Here's the text I put in, just for fun:
Last week I went to the market. There I saw dead corpses of various kinds, shopping. Unlike my best friend, this I did not find to be an exagerration of reality. Instead, as I passed a young girl, who looked like she had drowned in a river, I thought to myself, "What an interesting shade of blue she has turned." The store was eerily quiet, and smelled of death, although not unpleasantly so. I could still pass between the aisles of potato chips and twizzlers without too much ado. Instead of picking up my favourite brand of shampoo that day, I decided I was in for a bit of a change. I moved past a wailing woman in chains, and as she rattled, picked up a pleasant orange-coloured bottle that said cheery things about what it would do to my hair once I got home and had a much-needed shower. The wailing woman rattled her chains angrily, again. I assumed she wanted the same shampoo I did. Too bad I took the last bottle. Why does a woman in chains need grocery store shampoo? I had no idea.
Last week I went to the market. There I saw dead corpses of various kinds, shopping. Unlike my best friend, this I did not find to be an exagerration of reality. Instead, as I passed a young girl, who looked like she had drowned in a river, I thought to myself, "What an interesting shade of blue she has turned." The store was eerily quiet, and smelled of death, although not unpleasantly so. I could still pass between the aisles of potato chips and twizzlers without too much ado. Instead of picking up my favourite brand of shampoo that day, I decided I was in for a bit of a change. I moved past a wailing woman in chains, and as she rattled, picked up a pleasant orange-coloured bottle that said cheery things about what it would do to my hair once I got home and had a much-needed shower. The wailing woman rattled her chains angrily, again. I assumed she wanted the same shampoo I did. Too bad I took the last bottle. Why does a woman in chains need grocery store shampoo? I had no idea.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
TOW: Luck
You know, I have had several times over the past few months thought I have been extremely unlucky. Like, flower-pot-falls-on-your-head unlucky. Like, if you picked up a penny on the street, your wallet would get stolen as you leaned over to pick it up.
What I have realized, however, is that the opposite is true. I am extremely lucky.
I have great friends. I have a family. I have three parents I can speak with.
And I know my life will get better and better, the more I trust in myself, and what I believe.
Because we make our own luck. Luck isn't something that happens to people. Luck is something people create by doing routine actions that matter. Sometimes all it takes is a yes, or a knock on a door, to have everything make sense again in your life.
Small changes make big changes. And this is what we call luck.
I'm very lucky.
What I have realized, however, is that the opposite is true. I am extremely lucky.
I have great friends. I have a family. I have three parents I can speak with.
And I know my life will get better and better, the more I trust in myself, and what I believe.
Because we make our own luck. Luck isn't something that happens to people. Luck is something people create by doing routine actions that matter. Sometimes all it takes is a yes, or a knock on a door, to have everything make sense again in your life.
Small changes make big changes. And this is what we call luck.
I'm very lucky.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Tuesday, July 06, 2010
Trip Home for Martin's Grad
I'm so happy, and not just because it means no more random emergency essay calls on a Sunday night. It's great because I'm so proud he could do that, and he did more himself than I think even he realizes.
Sarah looking dangerous! =D
And that, in a nutshell, was my trip! I saw plenty of friends and family, and just recharged as much as possible. I love Saskatchewan so much, I wish I could be there all the time, whenever I wanted.
I miss my family, but I also know that job opportunities are better and I need to get some experience. Even if I move back out west, I feel like the possibilities of me moving back into my hometown are slim.
I have been thinking about this lately because maybe I'll always wander. I have yet to find a place I want to put down my roots because I love it so much. (Well, I love Leuven, but I don't think I can stay there, and I don't have the kind of job quite yet that will allow me to live internationally like that. But just wait.)
Toronto is a nice city, in a dirty, cosy sort of way. It grows on you, but it definitely is not the city for me forever, I think. If it is, I have yet to find a neighbourhood that I like so much I want to stay in it. Or maybe just a place to live, I'm not sure. (Because my current place is nice enough, but, uh, well, not enough privacy, really.) Anyways, everything here is fine.
After coming back to Toronto, I realized that part of it is that a place like this can cause some serious culture shock, just like any city. It takes a while to adjust to new things, new people, and new places. It will take me a while, I'm sure, but I'll definitely make it.
Hope everyone's well, and I'll post more soon! I'm going to get back on track with blogging, I've just been so busy sending out resumes that I haven't had time for personal writing as much as I'd like.
Take care!
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
TOW: Self-Confidence
Over the past month, I've had a lot of time to sit and think about myself, and where I'm going in life (as usual, eh heh) and I've been thinking about how much easier it was to be 'myself' back in the day. I remember being a confident, somewhat popular, somewhat interesting person in university, and being able to run into practically any single person I wanted to on campus or around town. I didn't have enemies, and I was a pretty happy guy.
Now, fast forward about 4-6 years, and here I am in 'the big city.' It's not as easy to be self-confident, or believe in yourself when times are hard, or heck, simply ask for what you want for fear of rejection, at times.
Self-confidence comes from the feeling that there are things in our lives that we are proud of, activities and events that shape us and make us who we are. It is the ability to express who you want to be and accomplish what you believe in. And, it is something that we work on, every day.
I can't say that I have been a really confident person since moving to Toronto (but then again, I've been stepped on more than a couple times since I got here) but I have managed to maintain at least part of the best parts of my personality, at times, and for that I'm happy.
As I move forward in life, as we all move forward, it's important to find those sources of happiness and self-confidence that never run out, the ones that will keep us going throughout the thick and thin. Because it was easy for me to be a confident, interesting person when I was young, bright, with no student debt, a vehicle, living rent-free at my parents house with nary a care in the world. It's much harder to be confident, happy and 'with-it' when you are straddled with a majority of middle-class and lower middle class complaints like debt, poverty, bad health and no money for doctors/dentists, etc.
Self-confidence can have external sources, but real confidence, and real drive, comes from within, and spending time with yourself, and learning to like yourself again. You can only really be a confident person if you don't care what other people think, and aren't afraid to make mistakes. Learn to be happy with yourself, and what you do, so that you can forge ahead and be the best you can, versus being the best you can...afraid.
Now, fast forward about 4-6 years, and here I am in 'the big city.' It's not as easy to be self-confident, or believe in yourself when times are hard, or heck, simply ask for what you want for fear of rejection, at times.
Self-confidence comes from the feeling that there are things in our lives that we are proud of, activities and events that shape us and make us who we are. It is the ability to express who you want to be and accomplish what you believe in. And, it is something that we work on, every day.
I can't say that I have been a really confident person since moving to Toronto (but then again, I've been stepped on more than a couple times since I got here) but I have managed to maintain at least part of the best parts of my personality, at times, and for that I'm happy.
As I move forward in life, as we all move forward, it's important to find those sources of happiness and self-confidence that never run out, the ones that will keep us going throughout the thick and thin. Because it was easy for me to be a confident, interesting person when I was young, bright, with no student debt, a vehicle, living rent-free at my parents house with nary a care in the world. It's much harder to be confident, happy and 'with-it' when you are straddled with a majority of middle-class and lower middle class complaints like debt, poverty, bad health and no money for doctors/dentists, etc.
Self-confidence can have external sources, but real confidence, and real drive, comes from within, and spending time with yourself, and learning to like yourself again. You can only really be a confident person if you don't care what other people think, and aren't afraid to make mistakes. Learn to be happy with yourself, and what you do, so that you can forge ahead and be the best you can, versus being the best you can...afraid.
VOW: Tik-Tok Simpsons version
Unfortunately, the versions on Youtube seem to have been recorded incorrectly, so here's the original HQ version here. Cheers. I still can't believe they used such a racy song!
Friday, June 18, 2010
A Good Day
I felt better today than I have in a while. It was fleeting, but I definitely felt 'me' for a total of two hours today, sometime, maybe even longer.
It's nice to feel good about yourself. I'm glad I have friends here.
It's nice to feel good about yourself. I'm glad I have friends here.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Time to Move Again
My roommate can apparently hear my computer playing a video game, quietly, through my door, and her door.
What else can she hear? This...this is insane. What are these walls made of?? Paper mache???
Seriously, I've had it. Time for a change of scenery. I'm finding a new place.
What else can she hear? This...this is insane. What are these walls made of?? Paper mache???
Seriously, I've had it. Time for a change of scenery. I'm finding a new place.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
TOW: Making the Ordinary...Extraordinary
My friends Paul, Tori, and I went to a a Starbucks to chat and discuss our future employment opportunities. Paul, who had worked very hard in his unpaid internship to secure a position and had asked every single hiring manager in the government for a job, was completely and utterly depressed. He had finished his internship on Wednesday, with his boss saying, "My hands are tied. I can't hire currently."
Being Paul's birthday, and being in the kind of mood I was, I walked up to the counter, and said to the cashier, "I want a Carmel Frappacino, and it's my friend Paul's birthday. Can you give him something...like a discount, or anything?"
The cashier, who was in work mode, immediately brightened and said, "Of course, actually, how about a free cupcake?" Paul looked embarassed, and said he didn't want the cupcake.
I said, "Yes, that's what he wants." I even chose the cupcake for him.
As my drink was being made, my friends and I chatted some more. Paul talked about how he might have to leave his house and move in with some friends because as a mature student, his work funding was going to run out eventally, and then he was going to have trouble paying his bills.
The girl making my drink said, "Hey, I have some leftover from your drink, would your friend like to have the rest?" My friend Paul stood there a little silently, not trying to make a fuss.
I said, "Yes, make him one as well." He got a drink almost the same size as mine. For free.
As we sat down, we joked lightly about starting our own PR agency. I could be the social media guy, Paul could do media relations, and Tori would do all the video and camera work for internal communications clients. Paul's phone rang. He looked perturbed, and walked off to answer the call.
When he came back, he said he had been hired on a short term contract at the government by his boss.
The point of this story is two-fold: one, people want to help those who are down on their luck, and two, working hard never goes unappreciated. Ever.
Our lives are filled with ordinary moments, like waiting in line and talking to cashiers. However, those moments become extraordinary when we ask for what we want, when we ask for something that will help someone else out in life. People are sometimes hesitant to help you, if you're just one person. But if you are asking for some help, to help others in your life, and to create a better world around you in any small way, people will bend over backwards to help.
So, next time you are doing something rudimentary, or routine, ask yourself what you can do to ask more of other people. The one thing that drives people, more than anything, is a meaningful break from monotonous tasks.
Help give other people's lives meaning, and you'll never fail to get what you want.
Being Paul's birthday, and being in the kind of mood I was, I walked up to the counter, and said to the cashier, "I want a Carmel Frappacino, and it's my friend Paul's birthday. Can you give him something...like a discount, or anything?"
The cashier, who was in work mode, immediately brightened and said, "Of course, actually, how about a free cupcake?" Paul looked embarassed, and said he didn't want the cupcake.
I said, "Yes, that's what he wants." I even chose the cupcake for him.
As my drink was being made, my friends and I chatted some more. Paul talked about how he might have to leave his house and move in with some friends because as a mature student, his work funding was going to run out eventally, and then he was going to have trouble paying his bills.
The girl making my drink said, "Hey, I have some leftover from your drink, would your friend like to have the rest?" My friend Paul stood there a little silently, not trying to make a fuss.
I said, "Yes, make him one as well." He got a drink almost the same size as mine. For free.
As we sat down, we joked lightly about starting our own PR agency. I could be the social media guy, Paul could do media relations, and Tori would do all the video and camera work for internal communications clients. Paul's phone rang. He looked perturbed, and walked off to answer the call.
When he came back, he said he had been hired on a short term contract at the government by his boss.
The point of this story is two-fold: one, people want to help those who are down on their luck, and two, working hard never goes unappreciated. Ever.
Our lives are filled with ordinary moments, like waiting in line and talking to cashiers. However, those moments become extraordinary when we ask for what we want, when we ask for something that will help someone else out in life. People are sometimes hesitant to help you, if you're just one person. But if you are asking for some help, to help others in your life, and to create a better world around you in any small way, people will bend over backwards to help.
So, next time you are doing something rudimentary, or routine, ask yourself what you can do to ask more of other people. The one thing that drives people, more than anything, is a meaningful break from monotonous tasks.
Help give other people's lives meaning, and you'll never fail to get what you want.
Sunday, June 06, 2010
TOW: Who Matters in Your Life?
I've been really blessed since moving to Toronto because some of the people I really love are in this city. I can name a few.
Lately, though I have been feeling like the real question is how I can be a good friend to people around me. The answer to that used to be easy. A good friend is someone that listens to your problems, takes care of your needs, helps you with tasks and particpates in activities you like. Friends used to be people that were like you.
What I have found, now, in the future, is that your friendships change because you are constantly changing. You don't always have interests to bring you together with other people anymore. Suddenly your best friend from high school or university has been married or has kids. The people you truly want to see regularly live in different cities. Maybe someone decides to live in another country. Suddenly everything is different.
What I am finding, especially as I age, is that friendship is more than a matter of choice, it's a matter of staking out who you are. Will you be friends with people who constantly let you down, or do you choose people that are reliable? Are you closer to your family instead of your friends? One or two close friends, or a large circle of people you can see to keep yourself busy?
It's always a mystery as to why we choose the people we do in our lives, especially when being away from those people often makes us feel pain or anxiety. Sometimes I'm sure we all feel it would be better if we never made friends, never had relationships, never got involved in messy life issues of other people. But the truth is, we do choose, and we must choose, to be friends with people every day. There are very few choices that matter so much in life as choosing our friends, and choosing them wisely. And we must respond to their needs because the whole point of being good, and becoming better people is by being strong for ourselves and for others when we need them. Personal strength isn't something that grows on trees. We cultivate it.
I am very lucky to have the people I have in my life. And, for every hundred rude people that have tried to ruin my day, it only takes one true friend to brighten up my life.
Lately, though I have been feeling like the real question is how I can be a good friend to people around me. The answer to that used to be easy. A good friend is someone that listens to your problems, takes care of your needs, helps you with tasks and particpates in activities you like. Friends used to be people that were like you.
What I have found, now, in the future, is that your friendships change because you are constantly changing. You don't always have interests to bring you together with other people anymore. Suddenly your best friend from high school or university has been married or has kids. The people you truly want to see regularly live in different cities. Maybe someone decides to live in another country. Suddenly everything is different.
What I am finding, especially as I age, is that friendship is more than a matter of choice, it's a matter of staking out who you are. Will you be friends with people who constantly let you down, or do you choose people that are reliable? Are you closer to your family instead of your friends? One or two close friends, or a large circle of people you can see to keep yourself busy?
It's always a mystery as to why we choose the people we do in our lives, especially when being away from those people often makes us feel pain or anxiety. Sometimes I'm sure we all feel it would be better if we never made friends, never had relationships, never got involved in messy life issues of other people. But the truth is, we do choose, and we must choose, to be friends with people every day. There are very few choices that matter so much in life as choosing our friends, and choosing them wisely. And we must respond to their needs because the whole point of being good, and becoming better people is by being strong for ourselves and for others when we need them. Personal strength isn't something that grows on trees. We cultivate it.
I am very lucky to have the people I have in my life. And, for every hundred rude people that have tried to ruin my day, it only takes one true friend to brighten up my life.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)